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Not sinister, but it's just the idea that I was so friendly with her and she's able to sit back and take advantage of my kindness, much like during our dating.
Or maybe she is simply still interested in being your friend but nothing more. Again: nothing underhanded here. She likes you as a person but doesn't want you as a romantic partner. I'm not exactly sure how you think that's "taking advantage" of you.
Or maybe she is simply still interested in being your friend but nothing more. Again: nothing underhanded here. She likes you as a person but doesn't want you as a romantic partner. I'm not exactly sure how you think that's "taking advantage" of you.
Maybe I'm being overly pessimistic. I also learned last night that she mysteriously left work for a few days around Thanksgiving without explanation. People think she went to visit her abusive ex. Very sad. She seems to have the mind of an addict, but there's nothing I or her loved ones can do about it.
Last edited by Johnny Ace; 12-15-2022 at 04:09 PM..
Maybe I'm being overly pessimistic. I also learned last night that she mysteriously left work for a few days around Thanksgiving without explanation. People think she went to visit her abusive ex. Very sad. She seems to have the mind of an addict, but there's nothing I or her loved ones can do about it.
Give some real thought why you want to date somone with all of this woman's issues. There are women who aren't dealing with an abusive ex. The right relationship with the right woman can make both of your lives richer and more rewarding, but dating the wrong person can really screw up your life.
If you have a pattern of dating women that you have to rescue, that might be something to talk over with a therapist. Sometimes issues in our family of origin can cause us to equate codependence as love, but you don't have to repeat issues in your family of origin either.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Johnny Ace
She has a history of mental health issues and dealt with the breakup poorly before we met. I miss her badly, but I also realize I'm projecting what I wish she was onto her to some degree. I am actively trying to date even while my heart hurts, and getting involved in more social scenes. I assume she's not dating, but we like similar things and might run into each other again. Moving forward, I should probably be friendly to her but keep interactions shorter.
Even if we could reunite, it would have to be months down the road as she clears her head, and she would need to reach out first. Even then, I have no idea if we'd realistically work out. Given her behavior, I feel I don't fully know her personality. I'm going to keep dating and try to move on.
I think dating others is a really good idea. It is good you had some positive experiences with this woman, but my hunch is that there are other women who are just a lot better put togther emotionally that you might be able to date too. No reason to force things here.
Give some real thought why you want to date somone with all of this woman's issues. There are women who aren't dealing with an abusive ex. The right relationship with the right woman can make both of your lives richer and more rewarding, but dating the wrong person can really screw up your life.
If you have a pattern of dating women that you have to rescue, that might be something to talk over with a therapist. Sometimes issues in our family of origin can cause us to equate codependence as love, but you don't have to repeat issues in your family of origin either.
I think dating others is a really good idea. It is good you had some positive experiences with this woman, but my hunch is that there are other women who are just a lot better put togther emotionally that you might be able to date too. No reason to force things here.
Shelato, I want to thank you for writing this post. It really cut to the core, and the bold truth in that first paragraph made my eyes tear up. I'm also definitely putting thought into your comments about my dating patterns and how to move forward. I deserve better, but I need to set the standards to achieve what I want. I still struggle everyday. I'm often restless, impatient and self loathing, and I pointlessly mourn my ex-girlfriend's struggles as my own. But I'm proactively trying to work towards healing. Thanks again.
I dated a woman for 6 months, but things fell apart as she was still reeling with a traumatic breakup.
We exchanged some pleasant texts after ending things, but I've been grieving her badly. Last night I ran into her at a bar where I was sketching patrons. She avoided me, but once I approached her, it was like old times, telling stories and laughing. She was impressed with my recent activities, she asked to share my drink, and I got her to dance with me. I hugged her as we departed.
It was really fun, but it also reinforced how much I miss her. I can't help but wish she'll text me, and I almost considered texting her. But my brain says the best thing to do is move on, and that if she wants to talk, she'll reach out.
The breakup probably wasn't traumatic for her. Might want to examine so-called "oneitis" behavior and the evo psych scarcity mindset behind it. She wasn't reeling from a traumatic breakup, she traded up in all probability to a guy with perceived better prospects OR was more exciting OR a host of other reasons both fair and unfair. Also lookup "hypergamy."
Finding more dating options ends grieving the loss of some woman dated for six months. Don't be used by others or exhibit orbiter behavior. Yes moving on is the solution. The only way a woman in such a situation reaches out later is if her next best option falls through. Don't be the backup plan.
Had to chuckle as an ex did that to me about a year ago when her no-good husband did the bum routine and blew all their money, etc. It was inevitable. We broke up amicably in 2016 as it became plain I wasn't going to aid and abet her purposes long-term. Three kids, 40, few options, thus tried to slide back into my DMs. She's not a bad person, that's what people lacking resources do. See the code in the Matrix and it all starts to make sense.
Solution: evo psych 101. Instead of hanging around in bars take an evening to at least skim "The Evolution Of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating."
I'm not sure what you mean by "the hook for dumping." She likely has some affection for me but knows she emotionally can't give me a real relationship given her mental health issues, and that makes her not know how to engage with me post break-up.
You both would need to commit to getting mentally & physically healthy together. Then it might work.
This means getting a juicer, we have a champion juicer, and juicing vegetables at least once a day with at least a cup of vegetables. It will change her mental issues for sure but it is expensive. It's changed our lives, my son has 50% less depression, shrunken kidney stone, no more High Blood Pressure or meds for that, no more bloating or GERD, and he lost a pants size, I have 50% less depression, better complexion and hair.
Here's our recipe:
1.5 cups of Red Russian Kale
1/2 cup Arugula (Earthbound)
1 Cup Purple Cabbage
2 Mini Bell Peppers (out of those bags, no green)
1 big Celery Stalk
1 Med Carrot
1/2 cup of Yellow Summer Squash
1/2 cup of Cucumber
1/2 cup of Cauliflower
1 Tsp of Tumeric Root (about that size, the actual root, not powder)
T Tsp of Ginger (about that size, the actual root, not powder)
1/2-1 garlic clove (bigger the better, whatever you can handle. We buy the already peeled organic)
1/2 Squeezed lemon (to prevent kidney stones)
1/4 cup of Kiefer
1/2 tsp of ground up flaxseeds (about 5 cents, very cheap)
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Thiis is the bare minimum. We also get free carrot tops and Beet Greens tops from the health food store so ever other day, we add those. If adding those, you MUST add a lemon as they have too many oxilates which is maybe why they do not sell these in grocery stores and just cut them off and toss them. We substitute the Arugula with these about every 3 days to save $$. Any sale you see on Bell Peppers, I would grab those or other vegetables. These are chosen to be low oxalates, low carbs, and better in price than the costlier vegetables
Everything above is organic except the lemon. Without a commitment to nutrition to increasing her mental and physical health, I don't see this being a success. It takes some months for this to work but when it does, you should add in exercise too.
Shelato, I want to thank you for writing this post. It really cut to the core, and the bold truth in that first paragraph made my eyes tear up. I'm also definitely putting thought into your comments about my dating patterns and how to move forward. I deserve better, but I need to set the standards to achieve what I want. I still struggle everyday. I'm often restless, impatient and self loathing, and I pointlessly mourn my ex-girlfriend's struggles as my own. But I'm proactively trying to work towards healing. Thanks again.
The one thing I will say is that for men our biggest dating obstacles are often our own issues. The better we sort ourselves out, the better types of relationships we have. I would give some real thought to seeking out a shrink.
I wish you well.
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