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So me and my girlfriend of almost 5 years are splitting up. I can't say I thought the relationship was great, I knew it was slipping, but honestly this pulled the rug out from under me.
Compounding the pain is that she has already moved on with someone else before she's even completely moved out of my house, which in my opinion is what precipitated the break up. She just came home one night and said "I have feelings for someone else, this is over"......
It's been a week and a half now and things aren't getting better. She's trying to be there for me emotionally but it isn't helping. I feel dead inside. Hopeless. Purposeless. Unmotivated. I burst out crying randomly. I've never experienced pain so intense in my life. I just want this to end. I feel anger, confusion, resentment, sadness, and depression I know I'm not special and far from the first to go through this, but that is little comfort, if any. This is my first serious breakup.
What has helped you in the past? Please share your advice, and your own experiences and stories. I feel like it might help.
Feel like my world is crumbling.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 04-02-2023 at 04:47 PM..
Reason: Merged 2 threads re: same relationship
I feel for you and I hate to say this but it will probably get worse before it gets better, but it will get better! Five years is a long time to be with someone, so you won't heal overnight. The best advice I can give is try to surround yourself with people who love and care about you, and just ride out the sadness and feel it. And as Sihana said, cut ties with your ex girlfriend you don't need her emotional support right now, that's only making things worse for you, and just making her feel less guilty. I'm also a firm believer in the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else
Forget about the "she is trying to be there for me" part, cut ties, distance yourself, avoid seeing and talking to her.
Time will heal you, but you have to avoid having any sort of contact with her.
That's hard rn because she's not out of my house yet. Once she's gone I think that might be a good strategy for awhile, but she also has a child that I've basically raised as my own that we both still want me to have a relationship with.
Also, I just don't want to cut ties with her permanently. We've had a lot of problems, but she's basically my best friend and right now I can't imagine not having her in my life in some way.
Prepare for a long, long, and probably never ending grieving process then.
Not saying you're wrong or that your advice isn't good.
.
Once she's moved out and I don't have to see her anymore things might get better. I plan on doing the no contact thing at that point to take some time for myself and reorient my life.
That's hard rn because she's not out of my house yet. Once she's gone I think that might be a good strategy for awhile, but she also has a child that I've basically raised as my own that we both still want me to have a relationship with.
When is she planning to move out? She should be out by next month at the latest, she knew she was breaking up with you before you did so she's had time to figure out where she's going. The child does make things more complicated, but unless your this child's father (adopted or biological) you're going to have to cut ties with the child a well, as hard as it may be. You have to think of yourself here.
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Originally Posted by WhipperSnapper 88
Also, I just don't want to cut ties with her permanently. We've had a lot of problems, but she's basically my best friend and right now I can't imagine not having her in my life in some way.
You have to get out of this mindset, she's no longer your best friend. People manage to divorce their best friends after 20+ years of marriage and somehow they come out of it ok, and so will you. Go hang out with your buddies and find a new best friend.
When is she planning to move out? She should be out by next month at the latest, she knew she was breaking up with you before you did so she's had time to figure out where she's going. The child does make things more complicated, but unless your this child's father (adopted or biological) you're going to have to cut ties with the child a well, as hard as it may be. You have to think of yourself here.
You have to get out of this mindset, she's no longer your best friend. People manage to divorce their best friends after 20+ years of marriage and somehow they come out of it ok, and so will you. Go hang out with your buddies and find a new best friend.
She should be gone by the end of next week or so and frankly I'm freaking out about how I'll handle that as well. I know it needs to happen. That's when the real healing can start, but that first night or two.... it's gonna be rough.
It will probably be better when she is out of the house and you aren't having to see her and talk to her. She's the last person you should be trying to get emotional support from.
And consider.... she's been cheating on you. You should be glad she's leaving. If you can I would suggest going to a motel or a friend's house or relative's house until she is moved out. Then....change the locks. It is unfortunate if you are also attached to the child, but I suggest that you tell her you need a clean break. Don't be the available babysitter so she and her new man can go off to do childfree things.
Give yourself some time to grieve the relationship without any contact from her. Be glad you weren't married and having to deal with lawyers and all that entails.
You probably won't want to hear this but distracting yourself with activities really does help.
The worst will be to hide away at home and brood. Resist the temptation to withdraw.
Get out there and engage in activities that will take your mind off the breakup, even for a little while.
Fresh air and physical activity is helpful, even if it's just walking through your neighborhood.
Call friends, go to social gatherings.
I found talking it out with a therapist with the specific goal of moving passed the heart ache very helpful. It was through the county mental health services where I Iived, very affordable.
Give yourself time to mourn the end of the relationship too. Five years is a good amount of time. And there's a child you're close to in the relationship as well. Makes it doubly tough.
Your contact with your ex from here out is really up to you. Whether you want to rip the band aid off quick and clean or peal it off an inch at a time.
Almost everyone has gone through a painful breakup. As a survivor, believe me, you will come out on the other side.
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