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That's marriage. Personally I don't recommend marriage or long term relationships until you're at least 40,maybe later if you're just not ready to settle down. Seems human nature is variety.
Yup, I have little sympathy for those -- male or female-- who ignore nice people in order to start up relationships with bad people. To me, these folks get what they deserve: misery and failure.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StuckPA
That's marriage. Personally I don't recommend marriage or long term relationships until you're at least 40,maybe later if you're just not ready to settle down. Seems human nature is variety.
Personally, I think its unnatural to wait that long and I heartily disagree that human nature dictates variety. I agree that the drive is there, but we aren't exactly dogs. Examination of cultures that are essentially unchanged from pre-history will reveal that the concept and ritual of forming a stable, permanent family unit is commonplace, if not uniform. It seems to me that human nature is actually to grow up with and learn from two parents until you are ready to strike out on your own.
Personally, I think its unnatural to wait that long and I heartily disagree that human nature dictates variety. Examination of cultures reveal that the concept and ritual of forming a stable, permanent family unit is commonplace. It seems to me that human nature is actually to grow up with and learn from two parents until you are ready to strike out on your own.
I agree with this post that it is natural to develop long term stable relationship. To deal with problems by avoiding relationship or marriage altogether is no solution at all. Our task is to learn how to do healthy stable relationship.
Yup, I have little sympathy for those -- male or female-- who ignore nice people in order to start up relationships with bad people. To me, these folks get what they deserve: misery and failure.
Man you guys are acidic today!!! I don't think they *know* that they are bad people. They are just attracted to certain guys and aren't sure why (hint: not that I buy all that stuff, but most of the time you'll find that the father was also a jerk).
I personally have a "no slick" policy. No guys with nice belts, product in hair, who always say the right thing. I want a real, honest, no games sweetheart who I can trust.
As for the OP's situation, I feel for ya. That is really hard especially with kids involved. Try couples counseling. Make it clear that his behavior is unacceptable and he'd better stop. Tell him that you are unhappy and he should work on fixing that situation. Sometimes these guys get a little too comfortable and start to think that you are there for them and they don't have to contribute to the marriage and household. Make sure he knows that the marriage is in jeopardy (because it is).
That's pretty harsh and not at all helpful. It's basically saying 'you deserve what you get' and 'you made your bed now lie in it' It is a simplistic view and also offensive.No one sets out to have crappy relationships, so please realize how offensive the judgment and criticism and holier-than-thou attitudes are. The opening post was not about bashing the current husband, it was someone recognizing and taking responsibility for her own part in relationship patterns and, from what I heard, seeking to make changes herself.
Fair enough. I concede I was a little harsh. But while it is true that no one sets out to have crappy relationships, too many seem to engage in behavior and make choices that a reasonable person could see would set themselves up for failure. Making a lifelong decision about marriage while parked at a stoplight? Choosing a mate because they're cocky? Passing over the nice guy to go out with the douche bag? C'mon, gimme a break! This isn't just a one-up mistake (which we all make in life). It's a pattern of deeply flawed, self-destructive judgment. And by all appearances it is far too common.
Yes, we are deeply influenced by our parents and familes. But for pete's sake we are not doomed to repeat their sins and failures. Indeed, it seems to me that anyone with a modicum of intelligence would consciously try to NOT make the same mistakes (especially the big ones) that their parents did.
The "why are people attracted to jerks" question has been thoroughly discussed in multiple threads. To me, the bottom line is that too many people value the wrong things in life: they value image over substance; appearance over content; they think about today and not tomorrow. It all goes back to judgment.
I don't think marriages work out either until you've biologically been worn down, matured, and read up/studied on the subject of marriage and family. I'd guess late 30s or 40s for that to happen too.
Some people are just NOT relationship type people. Others are. Marriage isn't for everyone. Long term relationships arn't for everyone.
I'm not willing to put up with selfish BS nonsense from the guys who've wanted to be in relationships with me, so I guess you can say I'm not really into "Contemporary" relationships because you have to be willing to put up with BS that makes no sense. Do I want to experiment with a variety? No not really. One type of handsome guy with a great persona is good enough for me. Why would I need variety? That is just so selfish and greedy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by StuckPA
That's marriage. Personally I don't recommend marriage or long term relationships until you're at least 40,maybe later if you're just not ready to settle down. Seems human nature is variety.
I agree with you and do not think you came across as harsh. There are some really dumb people out there that do not know the first thing about relationships even when they are surrounded by good , wise, and caring people and advisors...it is strange.
Quote:
Originally Posted by professorsenator
Fair enough. I concede I was a little harsh. But while it is true that no one sets out to have crappy relationships, too many seem to engage in behavior and make choices that a reasonable person could see would set themselves up for failure. Making a lifelong decision about marriage while parked at a stoplight? Choosing a mate because they're cocky? Passing over the nice guy to go out with the douche bag? C'mon, gimme a break! This isn't just a one-up mistake (which we all make in life). It's a pattern of deeply flawed, self-destructive judgment. And by all appearances it is far too common.
Yes, we are deeply influenced by our parents and familes. But for pete's sake we are not doomed to repeat their sins and failures. Indeed, it seems to me that anyone with a modicum of intelligence would consciously try to NOT make the same mistakes (especially the big ones) that their parents did.
The "why are people attracted to jerks" question has been thoroughly discussed in multiple threads. To me, the bottom line is that too many people value the wrong things in life: they value image over substance; appearance over content; they think about today and not tomorrow. It all goes back to judgment.
That'd be the yuppies
Heck you mean there's actually women out there that can see past all that?
Oh yes, but not without some trial and error.
Ugh, as soon as I see the over-groomed, new pressed shirt, flirty thing - barf. Run for the hills, ladies!
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