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This is why I don't believe dating is a numbers game. You see the same laments over and over about wasting time, wasting money, being rejected all the time. Well if you're willing to date just anyone for the sake of it and actually don't care about compatibility, this is what you get.
I'm trying to find old posts of Metaphysique's where she talked about how she met her husband, and their very detailed and specific dating profiles. Here are a couple:
I think you are missing the point of the "numbers game." You have to meet people to get dates. You have to have dates to find people who are compatible. And sometimes you need to have dates to truly understand what it is you want and what is compatible. Its not a mathematical equation. Its an immensely complicated set of chemical and electrical connections.
If you think its mathematical and think you can resolve it with a game of 21 questions, you really narrow your window and you probably bore them to death.
I would hope that, if you are online dating, you might be able to "filter" for things like want/don't want kids, and not meet people who are so grossly incompatible.
Or in real life, if you are introduced by a mutual friend, ask that mutual friend.
Only after an initially successful cold approach would you have to have these conversations after you meet.
lf you were online D, wouldn't your pics show you were balding anyway ? But with something like that if it wasn't so obvious l think l'd slip it in somewhere before l even bothered meeting her bc if that was gonna make her run then l wouldn't wanna waste my time.
Other stuff, things your about and that are important to you all just comes out in natural convo anyway as you go if you actually talk to ea other especially if you click. Even in your first ph calls if all kinds of stuff isn't just coming out with you both, then you must be holding back and pretending or some rubbish, either that or your just not clicking.
At the same time though the way people seem to do so much just dating almost just anyone's , none of it's even gonna matter anyway bc 95% of them aren't even going to go anywhere anyway. Which is usually pretty obvious in a few minutes anyway in my book.
So, your thoughts on laying it all out on the first, second or third date?
No one is ever going to tell you their deepest darkest secrets or mistakes. They're damn sure not going to tell you it on the 1st-3rd date.
You're only going to get the BEST version of them. That's it. Its only after you've lived with them do you understand the real them, and they see the real you. And even then, neither party is going to share the most personal of things in their past.
I'm confused. I would think one of the few (very few) good things about a dating site/app is that you can put your dealbreakers out there. Some of it is even just checking a box "doesn't have kids/doesn't want any," and you can always describe yourself as, say, "I am a practicing Catholic and do not believe in sex before marriage or using birth control," etc. Both things would send incompatible people who actually read profiles on their way (key phrase: "actually read profiles").
Some would argue that the more parameters you put on your profile, the fewer people you'd meet, but if your goal is to find someone compatible for a serious relationship or marriage, I would think parameters would save a lot time and energy, or at least make-up and outfits, in the long run.
However, with some of the women I dated, there weren't anything to specific about their criteria. When asked what they are looking for in a man, they gave vague responses, or "he's funny, he's nice"
In fact, "funny and nice" is what won my ladies over. It shocked me, because this was a far cry contrast to the women with the long, unrealistic laundry list of criteria that they posted about online. lol
Some women (in the real world) when I asked what they were looking for in a man, they were like "I dunno, I don't really have a type". They would follow up then with the "funny and nice" response. Very basic personality traits.
I believe most people already know what they want. Dating a bunch of random people just to date is a real waste of time. I don't have a lot of free time, so I'd rather not waste my time with someone who is 360 degrees from me in values just to check out the "immensely complicated set of chemical and electrical connections." I would want to find out the important things within a few days, early in the relationship.
I believe most people already know what they want. Dating a bunch of random people just to date is a real waste of time. I don't have a lot of free time, so I'd rather not waste my time with someone who is 360 degrees from me in values just to check out the "immensely complicated set of chemical and electrical connections." I would want to find out the important things within a few days, early in the relationship.
How do you know what they are really like until you date them? And how do you know if it will work? There are people who seem to make some sense, but you just don't click. There are nice people who have certain quirks you don't like. And they can feel the same way about you. Just because you think they are "perfect" for you doesn't mean they will feel the same.
Those people with totally different values, you probably never ask out. But you have to meet them in the first place to know that. And you have to meet the ones who might work out. Again, a numbers game.
However, with some of the women I dated, there weren't anything to specific about their criteria. When asked what they are looking for in a man, they gave vague responses, or "he's funny, he's nice"
In fact, "funny and nice" is what won my ladies over. It shocked me, because this was a far cry contrast to the women with the long, unrealistic laundry list of criteria that they posted about online. lol
Some women (in the real world) when I asked what they were looking for in a man, they were like "I dunno, I don't really have a type". They would follow up then with the "funny and nice" response. Very basic personality traits.
l never understand that sort of question the way people so often describe it in forums. l've never asked a woman that in my life . As l said it all just comes out naturally anyway and it;s pretty readable in the person when you meet anyway. But obviously if she's looking for serious relationship or marriage then like most of us she's just hoping to find love and click and being into ea other, things in common and blah blah. Same with this so called type thing.
I do OLD and have enough clues in my profile about what I'm looking for such as "Active, fit woman looking for LOCAL man with similar traits". I still get people who are very overweight or live thousands of miles away messaging me.
I don't mention my implants due to breast cancer until before we are ready to become intimate. No need to share my personal medical history with someone who might be one and done. So far, it hasn't bothered any man I've been with.
However, with some of the women I dated, there weren't anything to specific about their criteria. When asked what they are looking for in a man, they gave vague responses, or "he's funny, he's nice"
In fact, "funny and nice" is what won my ladies over. It shocked me, because this was a far cry contrast to the women with the long, unrealistic laundry list of criteria that they posted about online. lol
Some women (in the real world) when I asked what they were looking for in a man, they were like "I dunno, I don't really have a type". They would follow up then with the "funny and nice" response. Very basic personality traits.
I don't think too many people would say they are looking for a sourpuss that's mean.
Funny doesn't mean wanting a clown, either.
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