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If you are saying people commonly died in their 40s and could not expect to live much beyond that, you're wrong.
By the 1800s, people who survived early childhood expected to live well into their '60s. You are confusing life expectancy with life span.
That’s not what I am saying. What I’m saying is that 1) infant and maternal mortality was higher, 2) childhood mortality was higher, and 3) you normally wanted to have a son to take over a family business/activity. To actually have said son, you needed to start having kids early and might need to have a lot of them to have that one boy who would live. If you start having kids at 30, that’s going to be hard.
I hope that plan works out for you…but you don’t know if or when your kids will have kids anyway. My husband & I are due with our 1st on Dec. 3rd. He’s older than me…in his 40s. I can’t think that far ahead, but I would never want to assume anything or put that pressure on our child. Or..plan a decision about a baby around when that child would have kids of their own, if they have kids. That’s their decision. My husband & I made our decision AND we couldn’t be happier, even tho he’s older than me. Whether or not we become grandparents some day isn’t up to us & we don’t have a crystal ball. You never know.
Thank you.
Sure, that makes sense in your present situation. My kids are all pre-teens-college age, and all have hit puberty. Most of them have consistently indicated they plan to marry and have kids. I’m pretty sure in our case, it would be extremely unlikely that we have zero grandkids.
Exactly. Plenty of people with kids end up in nursing homes. Lots of people can't be full-time caregivers to an elderly parent in physical or mental decline, even when there's a loving, functional relationship. And if there's not a functional relationship, don't expect miracles.
Yeah.
At the end of the day it's about preference and where life decides it wants to take you. Each side has "advantages and disadvantages" but neither choice is inherently better than the other, not in a general sense. Life can take all types of different twists and turns. A lot of the elderly people who come through at the hospital I worked at had children, but majority of them were in nursing homes/assisted living. Go figure.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Originally Posted by A New Day
Sure, that makes sense in your present situation. My kids are all pre-teens-college age, and all have hit puberty. Most of them have consistently indicated they plan to marry and have kids. I’m pretty sure in our case, it would be extremely unlikely that we have zero grandkids.
You still never know where life can take you & with who tho. My parents probably thought the same thing but because my husband is a little older, we thought about it for awhile. We’ve been married for 2 yrs. I’m pregnant now after a couple of months of trying, but if it had gone a year, we probably would have put the idea aside. And..my sister isn’t married yet. BUT, my parents are super excited with it being their 1st. My mom wants to help plan the nursery & says I should start looking into good preschools! So…I get it, as long as there’s no pressure. It’s funny because we got a little from my husband’s sister in law because she knows how good he is with his nieces & nephew. They love seeing him..AND, after he gave his sweet little fluff of a cat to them, they like giving him an update on how she is.
That’s not what I am saying. What I’m saying is that 1) infant and maternal mortality was higher, 2) childhood mortality was higher, and 3) you normally wanted to have a son to take over a family business/activity. To actually have said son, you needed to start having kids early and might need to have a lot of them to have that one boy who would live. If you start having kids at 30, that’s going to be hard.
Well yes, I've been researching my own family history, and I'm only 3 generations removed from farmers and yes following the paper trail many of my ancestors had as many as 8 - 12 kids only to have 3 or 4 reach adulthood and these were people that started their families at 13 - 17 years old, my 2nd great grandfather was given land by his father at 16 unfortunately at 20 he was off to fight in WW1 which is why I have 78 genetic matches(2nd cousins) in the UK who had no idea they had African DNA lol .
Unfortunately these days marrying young subjects you to all the potential hazards/life mistakes your young spouse might face & you get to clean up the mess.
IMO long engagements are the way to go.
I've worked with waitresses who would gush all day about how "in love" they were with Beaux of the Year- most of the time it didn't work out, but they were better off just engaged and not exposing their credit rating to the unpredictability of some guy.
Unfortunately these days marrying young subjects you to all the potential hazards/life mistakes your young spouse might face & you get to clean up the mess.
IMO long engagements are the way to go.
I've worked with waitresses who would gush all day about how "in love" they were with Beaux of the Year- most of the time it didn't work out, but they were better off just engaged and not exposing their credit rating to the unpredictability of some guy.
I've always thought long engagements were stupid. Either you are committed or you aren't. Don't get engaged until you are ready to get married. And preferably don't get engaged before 25 or later.
Advantages: Growing up together, having kids younger, and you build a life together and figure things out
Disadvantages: You don’t really know who you are or what you want when your young . I don’t think you really figure that out until your 30
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, but I would never want to assume anything or put that pressure on our child. Or..plan a decision about a baby around when that child would have kids of their own, if they have kids. That’s their decision. My husband & I made our decision AND we couldn’t be happier, even tho he’s older than me. Whether or not we become grandparents some day isn’t up to us & we don’t have a crystal ball. You never know.
So…I get it, as long as there’s no pressure. It’s funny because we got a little from my husband’s sister in law because she knows how good he is with his nieces & nephew. They love seeing him..AND, after he gave his sweet little fluff of a cat to them, they like giving him an update on how she is.
