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Old 05-05-2023, 01:43 PM
 
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,496,180 times
Reputation: 7608

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Quote:
Originally Posted by TeaByrd View Post
If you can't handle that, don't date someone with kids, because nowhere in this situation will you become a her, or any other mother's, top priority like you seem to need.

P.S. Most women I know who have kids find it tedious when men compete with the kids for attention and then complain about how little of the woman's attention they get in comparison. It comes off as entitled and churlish. You're probably going to lose her sooner rather than later, anyway.


Yes. It’s more mature to know what you want & don’t try to change anybody. Before I met my husband, my preference was to date men without kids. Ofc I knew they had to put their kids 1st & I shouldn’t try to change that, because who would want to be with a man who wouldn’t put his kids first? So…that’s where making a mature decision comes in.

Don’t try to change ppl or make demands on their time, but we ARE entitled to decide not to date a man with kids if we know we aren’t ready or don’t want to deal with the stuff that comes with it. There is nothing wrong with wanting to start a relationship from the same place. The ppl with kids were able to do that.
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Old 05-06-2023, 06:33 PM
 
4,000 posts, read 4,066,767 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pablo72 View Post

At this point, and after what she went through with the fallout of his breakup, I cannot see her backing off. She truly feels she needs to be heavily involved.
Her ex is playing her. He’s “needy” and not growing up because SHE does everything for him. I’m sure he would survive if she wasn’t around. There are thousands if not millions of adults with ADHD who lead productive lives who don’t have an Errand Girl.

He needs professional help to learn ways to live with his illness, be independent, be a parent, stop drinking, etc, etc, etc.

Time to put on his Big Boy pants - without HER pulling them up for him.
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Old 05-07-2023, 08:27 AM
 
762 posts, read 444,779 times
Reputation: 2539
Sounds like all 3 participants have commitment issues and clearly do not want to be in an exclusive and loving relationship with anyone.
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Old 05-08-2023, 08:02 AM
 
20 posts, read 10,192 times
Reputation: 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by HoneyWest View Post
Sounds like all 3 participants have commitment issues and clearly do not want to be in an exclusive and loving relationship with anyone.
I dont understand? Are you including me in this statement?

I can tell you I truly do want an exclusive and loving relationship. If it didnt matter to me...I would not be trying to find a good way through this.

Maybe I'm misunderstanding you.
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Old 05-08-2023, 08:24 AM
 
20 posts, read 10,192 times
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Its been almost two weeks since it happened, and Im still struggling with the problem outlined in the original post. We have talked about it as I said earlier...but it simply doesnt change the fact that it happened, and I still feel as though it was pretty telling as to where her priorities lie.

Add to it all that last night they were on speaker phone and he called her "babe". I know she knows I heard it...things got pretty quiet between us after. It was my birthday tho and I didnt want to ruin it with another conversation about his lack of boundaries or even basic awareness.

Im running out of patience...

I would have thought she would circle back to it at some point? I guess she doesnt think its a big deal.

I can feel myself pulling back, and I dont like the feeling. My fear of having the conversation with her again is creating space between us...and Im starting to feel like Im in a no win situation, unless I can somehow wrap my head around it and simply accept it for what it is.

Again - thanks all for you input. It has been very helpful.

Last edited by Pablo72; 05-08-2023 at 08:34 AM..
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Old 05-08-2023, 08:34 AM
 
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,496,180 times
Reputation: 7608
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pablo72 View Post
Im still struggling with the problem outlined in the original post. We have talked about it as I said earlier...but it simply doesnt change the fact that it happened, and I still feel as though it was pretty telling as to where her priorities lie.

Add to it all that last night they were on speaker phone and he called her "babe".

Im running out of patience...


Tho instead of “running out of patience”, have you continued to keep the communication open & what did she say when you talked to her about it? Did you bring it up again when he called her babe? Does she understand boundaries? Are you willing to do something constructive about how you feel to work on the relationship or move on?

Waiting for somebody to change & complaining about it isn’t going to do anything but make you frustrated & impatient. This is on you as much as it is her. You are both in the relationship.
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Old 05-08-2023, 08:40 AM
 
20 posts, read 10,192 times
Reputation: 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh View Post
Tho instead of “running out of patience”, have you continued to keep the communication open & what did she say when you talked to her about it? Did you bring it up again when he called her babe? Does she understand boundaries? Are you willing to do something constructive about how you feel to work on the relationship or move on?

Waiting for somebody to change & complaining about it isn’t going to do anything but make you frustrated & impatient. This is on you as much as it is her. You are both in the relationship.

I agree. It seems as though another conversation is in order.
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Old 05-08-2023, 11:00 AM
 
762 posts, read 444,779 times
Reputation: 2539
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pablo72 View Post
I dont understand? Are you including me in this statement?

I can tell you I truly do want an exclusive and loving relationship. If it didnt matter to me...I would not be trying to find a good way through this.

Maybe I'm misunderstanding you.
I believe if you truly want an exclusive relationship, you will need to move on from this 3some. It's plain she does not want to set clear boundaries with her ex and for all you know she is still seeing him on the side once in a while behind your back.

You can talk to her until you're blue in the face, it won't matter since the same problems continues to surface. Perhaps time to consider moving on and see if she reaches out otherwise accept you are not in an exclusive relationship with this lady since she is still entangled with her ex. Best of luck.
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