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Old 05-05-2023, 03:23 PM
 
4,638 posts, read 1,766,705 times
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This is why I don't like the whole concept of "meeting" someone...be it over the phone, in a 'meet up' forum, or even IRL...and agreeing to go on a 'date' with someone we barely know.

Seems like so many of us are in a big rush to get to the 'romance' part, and skip the 'hey, do I even LIKE you' part...

...which could take a while. Seriously, WHAT'S the hurry?

...as if it's so terrible that someone missed out on an orgasm or two...
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Old 05-05-2023, 04:17 PM
 
7,061 posts, read 12,290,538 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TamaraSavannah View Post
I am beginning to think that those who want to jump into NOW, not go through a little planning and the like (ie, let's meet for coffee somewhere to have a face to face and talk and if we decide No, then we can go our separate ways, knowing no further than each other) are not worth going after for a relationship.......for to me, it seems that is not what they are interested in.


Am I correct.........or is that just the way that people are, believe these days? Are my beliefs of the way it should be part of ....... "you have kept alive traditions that were dead before you were born.".
I think that rushing into a relationship is just a byproduct of instant and extremely strong connections. When I met my wife in 2018; I didn't plan at all on moving in with her 2 months after meeting. Were there bumps along the way; definitely! Would I advise this approach as a good method for beginning a relationship with someone; definitely NOT!!!

Again, our quick start was a byproduct of extremely strong feelings for each other and neither one of us could resist the temptation to move quickly. For the record the feelings are even stronger today than they were in 2018! It happens like that for some people, but it is not the norm.....
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Old 05-05-2023, 05:36 PM
 
1,704 posts, read 1,107,567 times
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Always take your time.

Had I stuck to my guns I would not have had to experience the trainwreck LTR I just exited.....

Regrets.....
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Old 05-05-2023, 06:11 PM
 
24,140 posts, read 10,462,349 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TamaraSavannah View Post
PRECISELY

The only people invited to my home are my trusted friends. I invite no date home for that is my Fortress of Solitude, my sanctuary. Between those out after one's money (had one try to scam me already), those who would find vulnerabilities to hurt me with, and those cheating on others (and hence, don't want to be a target as "the other woman"), it is something to be very much avoided.

Further, there are a few things to requiring them to provide the place. The first is it neutralizes some of the possibilities that they are cheating on someone. The next is the showing of are they someone or a no one. I've had some prospectives, never met, who wanted me to come over the back fence and through their bedroom window. If I am not going thru the front door, forget it! Finally, there is avoiding my "Anne Boleyn" effect. That is, Anne is there with the men of her family before her marriage to the king. They are interrogating her of what has gone on, on how it can be used to advance THEIR cause.

EXCUSE ME? Who is being scr**ED here? What are you bringing to the party?

AHEM! So many I talk to seem to be like that, asking me to provide all. I don't know if they are scamming, if they think they are God's gift and "the meek" should cater to their every need, or if they are that immature......I just know I won't have anything to do with them.
When was the last time you had a date? Dress up, meet, greet, eat, kiss.
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Old 05-05-2023, 06:39 PM
 
Location: Texas Hill Country
23,577 posts, read 13,786,228 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by threestep2 View Post
when was the last time you had a date? Dress up, meet, greet, eat, kiss.
2016.
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Old 05-05-2023, 07:40 PM
 
12,664 posts, read 8,891,575 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TamaraSavannah View Post
I am beginning to think that those who want to jump into NOW, not go through a little planning and the like
There's a lot of range in that word "planning." I've noticed over the years that your definition of "a little planning" is somewhere around the level of the SIOP. While I do believe in the value of planning, I tend to fall a little more toward "a good plan violently executed now is better than a perfect plan next week."

When it comes to dating, it seems the men in my family tend toward TACAMO. Dad knew when he first saw my mom that she was the one he wanted to marry, even before they'd been introduced. Met, dated, married all between boot camp and when he shipped out for the Pacific. Same way for me when I met mine, though we had to wait a few months while her mother planned the wedding. My son knew in the 11th grade. They had to wait a little longer than my dad and I did since he spent four years in school up there on the Hudson before they married.

Last edited by tnff; 05-05-2023 at 07:55 PM..
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Old 05-05-2023, 09:24 PM
bu2
 
23,916 posts, read 14,720,124 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by urbancharlotte View Post
I think that rushing into a relationship is just a byproduct of instant and extremely strong connections. When I met my wife in 2018; I didn't plan at all on moving in with her 2 months after meeting. Were there bumps along the way; definitely! Would I advise this approach as a good method for beginning a relationship with someone; definitely NOT!!!

Again, our quick start was a byproduct of extremely strong feelings for each other and neither one of us could resist the temptation to move quickly. For the record the feelings are even stronger today than they were in 2018! It happens like that for some people, but it is not the norm.....
I knew my wife for 3 or 4 months before our first date. But then we got engaged in 3 months.
We were both in our 30s, so we were mature and had an idea of what we wanted.
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Old 05-05-2023, 09:40 PM
 
Location: Texas Hill Country
23,577 posts, read 13,786,228 times
Reputation: 18786
Quote:
Originally Posted by tnff View Post
There's a lot of range in that word "planning." I've noticed over the years that your definition of "a little planning" is somewhere around the level of the SIOP. While I do believe in the value of planning, I tend to fall a little more toward "a good plan violently executed now is better than a perfect plan next week."

When it comes to dating, it seems the men in my family tend toward TACAMO. Dad knew when he first saw my mom that she was the one he wanted to marry, even before they'd been introduced. Met, dated, married all between boot camp and when he shipped out for the Pacific. Same way for me when I met mine, though we had to wait a few months while her mother planned the wedding. My son knew in the 11th grade. They had to wait a little longer than my dad and I did since he spent four years in school up there on the Hudson before they married.
And I thought I might be the only one who used that term outside its community! TACAMO.....TAke Charge And Move Out! (t'was Navy's communication aircraft for submarines)

As far as men and dating, I put it down to they are less to be concerned about the risks of dating so they are willing to jump into quicker. I have one boytoy I am working on right now who seemed willing to take it slow (don't they all) but now has been jumping to "do you want to come over?" about on every time we chat. I don't necessarily take that to mean he's an ax murderer but rather, so ready to have me in his place where he can quickly move me into position to jump my bones, that I don't see much the morning after, if we even get that far. I am seeing it more as he sees me as a score than a relationship.

As it is, I am so burned out from my lack of dating success, from getting there to something with someone, that I am beyond desperate. I won't violate my personal security practices, of meeting in public first, and if they push anything like "do it my way or not", I am "Fine, have a nice life.".

I still want.....but perhaps not as intensely as before.
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Old 05-05-2023, 10:05 PM
 
3,423 posts, read 3,322,989 times
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There is no "one size fits all" in terms of meeting someone and starting a relationship. It can go numerous ways:

A) You meet someone face-to-face, have a conversation and get to know each other, only to have no chemistry or spark - or you just don't like the person (or they don't like you), so you never see each other again.
B) Same as A, only you put them in the "friend zone", or they put you in the "friend zone"; you socialize albeit platonically
C) You meet and there's some spark, perhaps you have sex the same day you meet - perhaps start a relationship immediately.
D) You talk to each other over time (days, weeks, even months) and begin seeing each other exclusively over time.
E) You meet up and have a few things in common, yet are not ready for a solid relationship but still hook up from time to time (friends with benefits).

Not all are the same - some take longer than others.
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Old 05-05-2023, 10:24 PM
 
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Do neither. Do nothing. Keep life simple.
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