Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Let's say you have a couple...girl in her early 20's, guy in mid-20's--
The girl is highly intelligent, straight A's in high school, perfect SAT score etc, finishing bachelor's degree in a STEM field, very self-motivated, hard-working and pretty driven (but also loves family and home life and eventually wants to stay home after children are born).
The guy almost didn't graduate high school, doesn't have good writing skills, works a little more than minimum wage in a retail job, has been passed up for promotions (thinks it's unfair but has been told he lacks confidence and motivation), has talked about changing jobs for something better or going to community college but doesn't make it happen, and is not exactly sure what he wants to do for a career but wants to have a higher paying job.
Would this type of incompatibility cause serious problems once they are living together after marriage or could it be overcome if the couple really enjoy being together and treat each other well?
Your thoughts or experiences (with yourself, your adult children, friends)?
I don't think so, especially the lack of motivation. Not everyone has to be the smartest in the room, but lack of motivation, direction, laziness and wishing for things that they don't actually have the desire to make happen would be a dealbreaker for many. Treating someone well doesn't pay the bills or put food on the table.
Let's say you have a couple...girl in her early 20's, guy in mid-20's--
The girl is highly intelligent, straight A's in high school, perfect SAT score etc, finishing bachelor's degree in a STEM field, very self-motivated, hard-working and pretty driven (but also loves family and home life and eventually wants to stay home after children are born).
The guy almost didn't graduate high school, doesn't have good writing skills, works a little more than minimum wage in a retail job, has been passed up for promotions (thinks it's unfair but has been told he lacks confidence and motivation), has talked about changing jobs for something better or going to community college but doesn't make it happen, and is not exactly sure what he wants to do for a career but wants to have a higher paying job.
Would this type of incompatibility cause serious problems once they are living together after marriage or could it be overcome if the couple really enjoy being together and treat each other well?
Your thoughts or experiences (with yourself, your adult children, friends)?
If you can't respect your partner, the relationship won't thrive, for sure, and will most likely fall apart.
I've seen cases in which the more driven person motivated and helped the less driven one to find a better path. They had to actually push them in a certain direction however, more than just being supportive.
If it never happens, and the person just stays stagnant the other one will have to live with being the breadwinner. They are not going to be staying home with children, they have to earn.
Let's say you have a couple...girl in her early 20's, guy in mid-20's--
The girl is highly intelligent, straight A's in high school, perfect SAT score etc, finishing bachelor's degree in a STEM field, very self-motivated, hard-working and pretty driven (but also loves family and home life and eventually wants to stay home after children are born).
The guy almost didn't graduate high school, doesn't have good writing skills, works a little more than minimum wage in a retail job, has been passed up for promotions (thinks it's unfair but has been told he lacks confidence and motivation), has talked about changing jobs for something better or going to community college but doesn't make it happen, and is not exactly sure what he wants to do for a career but wants to have a higher paying job.
Would this type of incompatibility cause serious problems once they are living together after marriage or could it be overcome if the couple really enjoy being together and treat each other well?
Your thoughts or experiences (with yourself, your adult children, friends)?
So, I know a woman who divorced her husband in the past several years and the reason she cited for doing so was because she felt like she "outgrew him". She's a successful Pharmaceutical Sales Director; he has a decent blue collar job.
With that said, I also know a fairly successful attorney who is married to a CDL driver and they seem to have a good marriage. I should add that the CDL driver is a college educated guy. He just decided that blue collar work was more his speed.
I think it really comes down to how much do you actually love the person. If you are set on wanting to be a stay at home mom at some point and his earnings alone won't allow for that, or provide the type of life you are hoping for, I think that's when the "issues" can start. It sounds like a lack of ambition on his part, in general, could eventually lead to an issue here as well.
Last edited by Moonlight Drive; 04-27-2023 at 08:04 AM..
So, I know a woman who divorced her husband in the past several years and the reason she cited for doing so was because she felt like she "outgrew him". She's a successful Pharmaceutical Sales Director; he has a decent blue collar job.
I read this on an older thread and think there is some truth to it:
Women marry men thinking they can change their man: they can't.
Men marry women thinking their woman won't change: she does.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Moonlight Drive
With that said, I also know a fairly successful attorney who is married to a CDL driver and they seem to have a good marriage. I should add that the CDL driver is a college educated guy. He just decided that blue collar work was more his speed.
I think it really comes down to how much do you actually love the person. If you are set on wanting to be a stay at home mom at some point and his earnings alone won't allow for that, or provide the type of life you are hoping for, I think that's when the "issues" can start. It sounds like a lack of ambition on his part could eventually lead to an issue here as well.
I believe blue collar vs white collar in a marriage doesn't matter. But I think lack of motivation/ambition does. In this scenario, I think it's possible the wife could become frustrated with the husband which could grow to annoyance and eventually disrespect.
I've seen cases in which the more driven person motivated and helped the less driven one to find a better path. They had to actually push them in a certain direction however, more than just being supportive.
If it never happens, and the person just stays stagnant the other one will have to live with being the breadwinner. They are not going to be staying home with children, they have to earn.
Sounds tough all around.
I think if the less driven person is open to growing and finding a better path, that could work and be a great experience working together as a couple.
But if the less driven partner has to constantly have his butt kicked by the other partner (his wife) she would grow increasingly frustrated--even resentful--and his confidence will plummet leading him to eventually find appreciation and worth in another.
In that scenario she's certainly not going to be staying home to raise children.
Is he willing to stay home and raise the children,?
Child care is very expensive and all of what he earns now is about what childcare will cost.
No matter how great the sex, at some point a person starts to want more. What do the couple have in common? What do they talk about? What are their common goals?
They may both be perfectly nice people, but the odds of staying together are unlikely. A highly motivated person becomes frustrated by people that are unmotivated or procrastinate.
Let's say you have a couple...girl in her early 20's, guy in mid-20's--
The girl is highly intelligent, straight A's in high school, perfect SAT score etc, finishing bachelor's degree in a STEM field, very self-motivated, hard-working and pretty driven (but also loves family and home life and eventually wants to stay home after children are born).
The guy almost didn't graduate high school, doesn't have good writing skills, works a little more than minimum wage in a retail job, has been passed up for promotions (thinks it's unfair but has been told he lacks confidence and motivation), has talked about changing jobs for something better or going to community college but doesn't make it happen, and is not exactly sure what he wants to do for a career but wants to have a higher paying job.
Would this type of incompatibility cause serious problems once they are living together after marriage or could it be overcome if the couple really enjoy being together and treat each other well?
Your thoughts or experiences (with yourself, your adult children, friends)?
I think yo have given a handful of characteristics about 2 people and are ignoring hundreds of others. Matching with someone takes more than just a few characteristics. Two people that are highly intelligent, A level educated persons with advanced college degrees in engineering that are self-motivated and hard-working driven people can be complete mismatches. But people like you describe can be complete matches.
Do they both like similar things, like walks in the park or beach? Do they laugh together and make each other happy? Do they have the same taste in passive activities, like reading, film, and television> Do they like supporting each other? Do they want the same things in terms of family/children? Do they like the same foods? If they have different income levels, is income something that makes one happy. In your example, if either wants to live a lifestyle where big income is necessary, it may be a problem. But if they are like the billions of lower class income earners in the world and can be happy without lots of money, why would this stop them. Money and drive is not everything. If you assume a person with drive must hate everyone without it, well its a mistake. But if you are saying this person with drive hates others without it, I think you answer your own question.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
