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I overheard a lady in a starbucks say that they would never date a musician but I didn't hear why so now I'm curious to see if anyone else wouldn't date one, because I am one. What makes musicians unappealing to you? Also I've met several women in the past 5 months since I started playing and doing shows again that once they find out or I mention my side hustle seem to view it as a strike against me..... WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN????
I mean prior to leaving music on the back burner to raise my family, being a musician attracted women like bears to honey, these days even the women who still want to date me view it as atleast a yellow flag.
Don't get me wrong, if I wanted to get laid after a show I have my pick just like the old days, but that was not my thing even in my 20's, but in my 20's it was a point in my favor even in forming real relationships, these days not so much. And I understand that playing music won't bring um in once past 30, but why does it push them away?
General opinion, which doesn't have be applicable to you, is that an average musician: financially struggles with unpredictable living setup, travels a lot, drinks and goes out with his or her company and stays outside long into the night, lives a life that constantly involves some kind of instability, so on and so forth.
This doesn't have to be you and they'll likely wish to confirm it. All of these things are appealing to a much broader audience (among your peers) when you're wearing a guitar as a 20 y/o on college and it's usually paired with being an outgoing and very social person, but it stops being the man focus for 30+ age groups, unless you really have your life together, own a (big) house, have great job prospects and so on.
This might be stereotypical but there's lots of truth in such stereotypes, very few musicians can actually live out of their music and they need to transition to some job that can pay the bills, hopefully a well-paid job. If they are still trying in their 30s and have no stable prospects outside of their supposed career that never took off... well, it's tough luck and it's likely going to stay that way and it's unappealing to so many people in that age group. Again, this doesn't have to be true and each individual is a story of his/her own.
General opinion, which doesn't have be applicable to you, is that an average musician: financially struggles with unpredictable living setup, travels a lot, drinks and goes out with his or her company and stays outside long into the night, lives a life that constantly involves some kind of instability, so on and so forth.
This doesn't have to be you and they'll likely wish to confirm it. All of these things are appealing to a much broader audience (among your peers) when you're wearing a guitar as a 20 y/o on college and it's usually paired with being an outgoing and very social person, but it stops being the man focus for 30+ age groups, unless you really have your life together, own a (big) house, have great job prospects and so on.
This might be stereotypical but there's lots of truth in such stereotypes, very few musicians can actually live out of their music and they need to transition to some job that can pay the bills, hopefully a well-paid job. If they are still trying in their 30s and have no stable prospects outside of their supposed career that never took off... well, it's tough luck and it's likely going to stay that way and it's unappealing to so many people in that age group. Again, this doesn't have to be true and each individual is a story of his/her own.
Ya their is truth to those stereotypes, but for the most part they are out of date these days, thanks to social media and streaming services there are many who can make a living without touring, granted the money is in peaks and valleys for many but many have boring traditional jobs also, and the music money comes from local gig's and streaming.
You need to work on convincing your dates that you’re a stable person, not the forum. You sound like you think you’re a special exception. Good luck with that.
I overheard a lady in a starbucks say that they would never date a musician but I didn't hear why so now I'm curious to see if anyone else wouldn't date one, because I am one. What makes musicians unappealing to you? Also I've met several women in the past 5 months since I started playing and doing shows again that once they find out or I mention my side hustle seem to view it as a strike against me..... WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN????
I mean prior to leaving music on the back burner to raise my family, being a musician attracted women like bears to honey, these days even the women who still want to date me view it as atleast a yellow flag.
Don't get me wrong, if I wanted to get laid after a show I have my pick just like the old days, but that was not my thing even in my 20's, but in my 20's it was a point in my favor even in forming real relationships, these days not so much. And I understand that playing music won't bring um in once past 30, but why does it push them away?
It might be like the 'sailor has a girl in every port'....
and as for your last sentence....Croz was bringing them in up to his last day..:-)
It might be like the 'sailor has a girl in every port'....
and as for your last sentence....Croz was bringing them in up to his last day..:-)
Yah I have a friend from highschool that has been a super talented touring musician in different bands since the 90's anyway he got married for the 1st time 3 years ago and mostly plays local gig's these days, a little over a year ago he started getting on DNA sites to find his bio father(who was also a musician btw) and ended up to his surprise finding multiple kids ranging in age from 30 to 12 spread out around the country. (and those are just the ones that got dna kits) but dude lived and loved the rock&roll lifestyle he was the stereotype many people think of, the only exception is his drug use never progressed beyond smoking weed & drinking beer and he never went overboard with that, but the groupies and parties till the sun comes up was his jam, but now he is a family man (he just did not know how much family he had lol)
But anyway I'm not into the groupie thing, and it seems the groupie thing has not changed, and groupies come in all ages, races, shapes and sizes. The difference I'm speaking of is the other women who you can form relationships with. in my 20's even women who were not groupies still gave extra points to guy's who had an artistic talent, now they seem to subtract points.
Yah I have a friend from highschool that has been a super talented touring musician in different bands since the 90's anyway he got married for the 1st time 3 years ago and mostly plays local gig's these days, a little over a year ago he started getting on DNA sites to find his bio father(who was also a musician btw) and ended up to his surprise finding multiple kids ranging in age from 30 to 12 spread out around the country. (and those are just the ones that got dna kits) but dude lived and loved the rock&roll lifestyle he was the stereotype many people think of, the only exception is his drug use never progressed beyond smoking weed & drinking beer and he never went overboard with that, but the groupies and parties till the sun comes up was his jam, but now he is a family man (he just did not know how much family he had lol)
But anyway I'm not into the groupie thing, and it seems the groupie thing has not changed, and groupies come in all ages, races, shapes and sizes. The difference I'm speaking of is the other women who you can form relationships with. in my 20's even women who were not groupies still gave extra points to guy's who had an artistic talent, now they seem to subtract points.
I think you probably answered your own question. I'm sure your friend is a nice guy but what woman would want a serious relationship with a man who has multiple children all over the country he doesn't even know about?
You say the groupie scene is going strong even now, you could have your pick every night. What woman would be okay with that?
When you met women in their 20s they seemed to like men with artistic talents. Well, they were in their 20s and naive and just looking for fun. Now they're in their 30s and not so much. They're adult women now and seek more mature men.
Do you have a regular job apart from music? If so, that's where I suggest you start. Music can come up naturally as you get to know each other more.
But you have your family anyway op , are you married or still together , if so , who cares.
At any rate , l could well imagine with age the tables probably turn for sure. Your older the women are older , the musician life kind of thing , things matter with age, life and what they'd' go for would be totally different now.
Back in single days late 40s myself , l met someone v special but she was in a band and still out singing all over the countryside. ldk, it was a real turn off to me so l didn't even let anything start. While it was a beautiful thing in many ways that she could sing and the way that she did , the life was def' not what l was looking for.at this age.
But you have your family anyway op , are you married or still together , if so , who cares.
At any rate , l could well imagine with age the tables probably turn for sure. Your older the women are older , the musician life kind of thing , things matter with age, life and what they'd' go for would be totally different now.
Back in single days late 40s myself , l met someone v special but she was in a band and still out singing all over the countryside. ldk, it was a real turn off to me so l didn't even let anything start. While it was a beautiful thing in many ways that she could sing and the way that she did , the life was def' not what l was looking for.at this age.
Nope been divorced a long time, my kids are grown, my house is paid for, thats one of the reasons I got back into making music. in December A friend needed a bass player for one gig because their bassist was sick, I played that night and I got the bug again. I dusted off the rest of my instruments bought a mixer downloaded some studio software and started posting on soundcloud and bandcamp started getting positive response did a few live shows then found a distributer and got on all the streaming services.
I think you probably answered your own question. I'm sure your friend is a nice guy but what woman would want a serious relationship with a man who has multiple children all over the country he doesn't even know about?
Funny thing is his wife is the one who bought him the DNA kit's for his birthday lol
But yes his wife is a musician also, she is 32 he is 53, they met during the lockdowns when touring was made much more difficult, in fact his current band is 2 couples his wife singing, him on guitar a friend on drums, and his friends wife on bass.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RubyandPearl
You say the groupie scene is going strong even now, you could have your pick every night. What woman would be okay with that?
That's how most relationships are except in reverse as any marginally attractive woman can have her pick every night.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RubyandPearl
When you met women in their 20s they seemed to like men with artistic talents. Well, they were in their 20s and naive and just looking for fun. Now they're in their 30s and not so much. They're adult women now and seek more mature men.
Are you saying artists can't be mature?
Quote:
Originally Posted by RubyandPearl
Do you have a regular job apart from music? If so, that's where I suggest you start. Music can come up naturally as you get to know each other more.
Good luck!
My regular job is boring lol I am a client support rep for a cloud server company, basically I answer calls from panicking IT staff all night.
Don't get me wrong I like my job, but only in comparison to worse jobs I've had, like roofing, or working on the back of a trash truck, or construction in the summer in Texas.
Whereas I actually love making music whether DJing at my own shows or sitting in with bands playing guitar or bass. you just can't compare the 2. when I handle a call well at my "normal" job one person is happy for 10 minutes, when I do well at a show I have a crowd of 80+ people having the time of their life all night.
And I know my numbers are small but that's way more people than I could have reached in the 90's back then we were doing great to consistently get 60 - 70 people following us from venue to venue every other gig.
I'm already doing that and I've only been at it since December, where it took me 4 years to get to in the 90's.
It sounds like you're doing well, congratulations! And I can certainly understand enjoying creative work, especially involving performance, being more personally rewarding than a "regular job."
But the answer to your question, why women aren't as enamored of artists as they used to be when younger, remains the same. Older more experienced women are no longer impressionable twenty years olds. They're more experienced with life just by having lived it.
Your musician friend is in his fifties, you must be too. How old are the women you've met who say they're not interested in men who are musicians? Certainly older than 20s I would hope.
And as I and others have pointed out, musicians haven't exactly covered themselves in glory in the past when it comes to relationships and faithfulness.
Not speaking of present company of course, but the stereotype is what people go by by.
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