Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
She will still have 4 kids when they are in their 50's. Kids are forever. Someday she may have 17 grandchildren. You will most likely always come last. At any family gatherings you will be an outcast.
I'm not going to tell you not to do it. Maybe she is the best thing that will ever happen to you. You may have to tone down your expectations for what you want in a relationship.
Sure, you can go out with her. Maybe it would be nice to meet up. Still, you need to flip the situation upside down and ask yourself what it would be like, down the road, if you were entrenched with a woman and her family of four?
On one hand, she probably wants to feel like a normal woman and have an adult relationship. On the other, she’s bound to their every breath and need from here on out.
She will still have 4 kids when they are in their 50's. Kids are forever. Someday she may have 17 grandchildren. You will most likely always come last. At any family gatherings you will be an outcast.
.
I married a guy with kids and that definitely is not the case. The kids were in the same range as in the OP, most were on there own with the youngest being 10.
I had no kids of my own, and I am assuming has none as he didn't mention them. Kids take some getting used and you need to be flexible. Not my strong suits, but at least I went in aware of that.
I am super close with the youngest, and on good terms with the rest.
__________________ ____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
Before you get involved, make sure she has the resources to take care of her kids by herself at least to some degree. Besides from all the time commitments required with somebody else's kids, it's tough to get in too deep and realize that you are basically serving as a bank machine for her.
This is the very first question I would clear up. I raised my kids myself while working full-time and supporting them. But there are single women with kids out there that are mainly looking for someone to help pay the bills. I know someone that got involved with a woman like that, and it was not a good situation. He ended up being taken advantage of. Also, like someone else suggested, find out if the children are all from different fathers. That could indicate a character issue. Not saying rule her out, but look for red flags up front.
It really depends on the particular woman and the children. If the children are good kids, and the mother is someone you enjoy being with, then it might be fine.
If she’s smart, she won’t even let you meet her kids unless there is a potential future there, so see how it goes.
All the children will be out of the nest in 10 years.
You wouldn't just be dating a woman you'd be dating a family. If you had kids of your own that might work out but it sounds like you're not a dad so that would be a huge lifestyle change. If you're determined to give it a go maybe hang out with them as a friend a few times and see how you like it. Put yourself in a position where you can disengage easily if it's not for you.
You also need to find out if there is any drama with the Dad. That can be more problems than the kids.
And no, you should not hang out with the kids until way later, they do not need a parade of men coming through. You will be able to tell a lot by what the mom says and such.
__________________ ____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
Lots of worthwhile comment. And some nonsense.
My answer was, "Not if you have to ask others", and I stand by that. But I AM a stepfather - have been for 33 years.
I am not an "outsider". But I am not their father, either. I am the man the girls come to when they need honest-to-God help with something. They don't go to their father. But now that he is very ill and not likely to recover they do what they can to ease his pain. As a stepfather, you have to remain supportive.
The Girls addressed the end of life question with me, in private, without their mother. They wanted to assure me that if the worst were to happen to their mother, I would always have a place to go. Since I have no other family, I found the discussion very, very gratifying.
Dating someone's mother is a thing. Falling in love with someone's mother?......... That's a whole 'nother deal.
I wouldn't have been able to date a man if he had 4 children even if they didn't live with him and were somewhere far away. I think children are always more important than a partner, so there isn't much time or attention left for me anymore.
I think if I were a man, I would reason the same way. For example, she will bake a cake and give the 4 best slices to her children and you will get what's left over.
But on the other hand, if they're 10-18 years old, that means they're almost adults. I have lived separately from my parents since I was 17. They will start taking care of themselves soon, maybe that softens situation a little, but I still wouldn't.
Leaving at 17 is rare these days. Seems that many stay at home well into their 20s and some into their 30s.
With that being said, when I started opening myself up to dating moms, I figured I would be willing to date a mom with one kid, or a mom with multiple kids that are older (near adults). There are plenty of moms these days with 2-3 kids but not too many with 4 or more.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
