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Old 05-14-2023, 02:18 PM
 
3,892 posts, read 2,080,639 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Toxic Waltz View Post
You wouldn't just be dating a woman you'd be dating a family. If you had kids of your own that might work out but it sounds like you're not a dad so that would be a huge lifestyle change. If you're determined to give it a go maybe hang out with them as a friend a few times and see how you like it. Put yourself in a position where you can disengage easily if it's not for you.
^^^
This! Including dealing with the kids fathers if there are any.

She should be really an outstanding catch and very well off financially for you to even try to dip your toes into this..

Sorry, just being practical and rational.
Can’t imagine you are/will be on the same page - just mainly due to such drastic differences in life experiences…

Good luck
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Old 05-14-2023, 02:58 PM
 
3,892 posts, read 2,080,639 times
Reputation: 9911
Quote:
Originally Posted by tgm4256 View Post
Good point! That's another delicate subject where I would need to phrase it in a way that doesn't come across as rude.

I wouldn’t worry about “delicate “ subjects - what - is she gonna dump you?
Don’t have your hopes high

Bet she was trying to figure out when and how to inform you of her 4 children

You could start asking where is her ex now, when did they divorce, does she have shared custody - etc - all that good- not!!! - adult stuff.

Hopefully, she will be honest if no marriage took place or her kids are from different fathers.

What is her occupation?

Did she indicate what is her relationship goals? Sex? Relationship? LTR? Marriage? Having a male father figure for kids?


I wouldn’t be shy with her and try to ask all the difficult questions before even considering dating.

Tell her about your intentions - but be aware that even you tell her that you don’t want anything serious - she will agree with you, but deep inside her she would try to make you change your mind and “to reel you in”

It is just a fact of life

How desperate are you for a woman?
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Old 05-14-2023, 03:00 PM
 
Location: So. of Rosarito, Baja, Mexico
6,987 posts, read 21,847,558 times
Reputation: 7007
As a person who married a woman with two small kids and later on as a widower to a older woman with 4 adult qnd one teen who by himsel in importance was a a...hole my answer would be HELL NO. The 2nd immediate family consisted of 10 people while in my eyes I was #15 in importance. Of course , there are exceptions out there.
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Old 05-14-2023, 03:40 PM
 
29,432 posts, read 22,344,718 times
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Nope.
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Old 05-14-2023, 03:44 PM
 
200 posts, read 106,867 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tgm4256 View Post
Leaving at 17 is rare these days. Seems that many stay at home well into their 20s and some into their 30s.

With that being said, when I started opening myself up to dating moms, I figured I would be willing to date a mom with one kid, or a mom with multiple kids that are older (near adults). There are plenty of moms these days with 2-3 kids but not too many with 4 or more.
My male colleague is 47 and he still lives with his mom. He has never lived separately.

I graduated from my school at 17 and went to university in another city, so I had to leave my parents. At first I missed a lot, even cried, but then I get used to it and even liked it. It's like staying home alone, while everyone is at work. You can stay up all night, eat what you want, throw things around, and no one scolds you.
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Old 05-14-2023, 05:53 PM
 
6,707 posts, read 4,688,456 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gentlearts View Post
It really depends on the particular woman and the children. If the children are good kids, and the mother is someone you enjoy being with, then it might be fine.

If she’s smart, she won’t even let you meet her kids unless there is a potential future there, so see how it goes.

All the children will be out of the nest in 10 years.
You can never count on children growing up into competent adults that leave home, especially if parents make it easy to stay. Not everyone grows up to be responsible and self supporting. Some even bring significant others home to live, or have children while under the parents roof. Never count on anything. Hope for the best and prepare for the worst.
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Old 05-14-2023, 05:57 PM
 
12,101 posts, read 16,992,702 times
Reputation: 15761
Quote:
Originally Posted by Listener2307 View Post
Lots of worthwhile comment. And some nonsense.
My answer was, "Not if you have to ask others", and I stand by that. But I AM a stepfather - have been for 33 years.
I am not an "outsider". But I am not their father, either. I am the man the girls come to when they need honest-to-God help with something. They don't go to their father. But now that he is very ill and not likely to recover they do what they can to ease his pain. As a stepfather, you have to remain supportive.


The Girls addressed the end of life question with me, in private, without their mother. They wanted to assure me that if the worst were to happen to their mother, I would always have a place to go. Since I have no other family, I found the discussion very, very gratifying.


Dating someone's mother is a thing. Falling in love with someone's mother?......... That's a whole 'nother deal.
I was going to say that it's a chance to be a 'parent' without being a parent.

That said, candid material/life experiences on CD Forum is just ... sometimes a waste of breath (typing). Often?

You don't know who is really posting in these threads and if they are who they say they are. You may be a 62 year old talking to a 15 year old. And people are more interested in arguing over the same broad political topics and social stigmas.

But that was an interesting share I thought.
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Old 05-14-2023, 09:40 PM
 
522 posts, read 336,031 times
Reputation: 274
Quote:
Originally Posted by L00k4ward View Post
I wouldn’t worry about “delicate “ subjects - what - is she gonna dump you?
Don’t have your hopes high

Bet she was trying to figure out when and how to inform you of her 4 children

You could start asking where is her ex now, when did they divorce, does she have shared custody - etc - all that good- not!!! - adult stuff.

Hopefully, she will be honest if no marriage took place or her kids are from different fathers.

What is her occupation?

Did she indicate what is her relationship goals? Sex? Relationship? LTR? Marriage? Having a male father figure for kids?

I wouldn’t be shy with her and try to ask all the difficult questions before even considering dating.
I agree that it is better to get this information now rather than later.

Quote:
Originally Posted by L00k4ward View Post
Tell her about your intentions - but be aware that even you tell her that you don’t want anything serious - she will agree with you, but deep inside her she would try to make you change your mind and “to reel you in”
Yeah that's what I'm afraid of

Quote:
Originally Posted by L00k4ward View Post
How desperate are you for a woman?
Not all that desperate
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Old 05-14-2023, 10:48 PM
 
2,108 posts, read 1,298,777 times
Reputation: 6016
OP, I believe you have the answer for yourself.

If you made a poll, I'm sure the number of No would be way more than the Yes. It's up to you to choose Yes or No. Don't be against your instinct.
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Old 05-15-2023, 10:05 AM
 
20 posts, read 10,239 times
Reputation: 45
I am currently with a mother of two, aged similarly. There are many things I did not consider. A big one for me is where I slot in priority wise. You have to know up front that she and her ex will have all of the important discussions. They have to deal with the kids, and if she is a good mother...her kids will come first. Because of this it will almost certainly appear to you that the ex husband will also come before you. I wrestle with this constantly. Do not go into this thinking its no big deal - it is a big deal. It takes time to see the dynamic between her and her kids and the ex husband. During this time you will become attached to the kids, and if you discover you do not like the dynamic, or the way she parents...it will be very difficult to walk away. No one wants to hurt anyone...especially kids. I think it is very problematic to date a mother with kids still at home. Patience is key. What level of support will she look to you for? What level of support are you comfortable giving? Im pretty sure you said you have no kids so maybe you will be fine having little to no input. Myself being a father, I have to fight the urge to insert myself constantly.
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