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Old 05-30-2008, 11:17 AM
 
Location: in my imagination
13,584 posts, read 21,356,616 times
Reputation: 10082

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yeah it actually matters if it was done in a teasing way,joking way or with a snotty attitude which if it seems like she ment it best to tell her "pfhttt, kiss my a$$"

how something is said matter also not just what was said.If this is a pattern then I'd rethink.
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Old 05-30-2008, 11:20 AM
 
Location: in my imagination
13,584 posts, read 21,356,616 times
Reputation: 10082
Quote:
Originally Posted by DimSumRaja View Post
I totally disagree with the above post, which sounds like really manipulative immature behavior and advice. The guy sounds like he has more class than this, and more class than the woman who is acting like the above post. Games like that above are a sign of immaturity. Maybe the crowd you hang out with acts that way, but there are a lot of people (men and women) who are more mature than that, and with more healthy ways of doing relationship.

If a guy insists on having a stable of fillies, i'm not interested
I knew you would disagree because you are good at giving sound advice but sometimes not realistic advice IMO.

No matter what someones age a puppydog is a puppydog and I see it happen with people I know that are in their 40's.

Besides Im not saying get another to flaunt it,she will find out about it anyway.
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Old 05-30-2008, 11:22 AM
 
Location: Tucson
42,831 posts, read 88,042,435 times
Reputation: 22814
Quote:
Originally Posted by lionking View Post
No matter what someones age a puppydog is a puppydog and I see it happen with people I know that are in their 40's.
I have to agree with you. As sad and dumb as it is, it's true at any age.
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Old 05-30-2008, 11:26 AM
 
Location: syracuse ny
2,412 posts, read 5,077,240 times
Reputation: 2048
Quote:
Originally Posted by stomper View Post
My fiancee said to me the other night, "there are people lined up to date me".
So basically she's telling me that she's wanted by other guys.
So as a truditional guy (no pre-marital sex) I felt insulted.
Kind of like I settled for you and I could have gotten someone better.
So I haven't spoken to her in 2 days.
Do I contintue not speaking to her or wait for her to appologize or break it off?
I don't know, just feel insulted and I feel like she's telling me that she could do better etc, etc.

SORRY, I MEAN GUYS & GALLS
can I too get some more info?

My fiancee said to me the other night, "there are people lined up to date me". What sparked this comment out of her, in what context was it made?

So as a truditional guy (no pre-marital sex) I felt insulted. You two attend a church together or something?

I don't know, just feel insulted and I feel like she's telling me that she could do better etc, etc. To be honest with you, the way you wrote this is TOTALLY leaving out any conversation that led to the comment. Spill
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Old 05-30-2008, 11:30 AM
 
Location: Philippines
1,961 posts, read 4,376,106 times
Reputation: 2781
Quote:
Originally Posted by lionking View Post
I knew you would disagree because you are good at giving sound advice but sometimes not realistic advice IMO.

No matter what someones age a puppydog is a puppydog and I see it happen with people I know that are in their 40's.

Besides Im not saying get another to flaunt it,she will find out about it anyway.
Why is it unrealistic to advise someone not to play the same game? How is asking someone directly what they meant instead of "getting another girl" lined up unrealistic? I guess it is unrealistic to expect an immature person to handle a situation like an adult. Sure it is hard to ask direct questions and hear an honest answer, but it is better than playing games back with someone.

To the OP: Don't give her the silent treatment. Just talk to her. Tell her what she said hurt you, and ask her what she meant.

I don't think that is unrealistic advice.
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Old 05-30-2008, 11:35 AM
 
Location: Between Philadelphia and Allentown, PA
5,077 posts, read 14,623,536 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Smckown View Post
hmmm..... Was there a reason for saying what she said or was it just out of the blue? Personally, It sucks but I wouldn't call, at least not for a couple more days. if she doesn't realize that what you said was insulting, then try to move on....not telling you what to do of course.

Next time just say..."oh yeah? That's great because I also have my list. Why don't you call one?"
I'm going to agree. From my perspective (a woman), she is giving you kind of like a heads up if you will that hey, YOU are expendible. I'd move on and tell her good luck with her line of men.
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Old 05-30-2008, 11:40 AM
 
22,007 posts, read 19,112,807 times
Reputation: 18138
Quote:
Originally Posted by lionking View Post
I knew you would disagree because you are good at giving sound advice but sometimes not realistic advice IMO.
So you are saying it is unrealistic to behave in healthy ways with other people? to participate in healthy relationships?

What is realistic in your world (in this case playing immature games and an inability to have healthy direct communication) is not the norm for everyone. Speak from your own experience, but don't say all women feel this way. Say simply the women in your world.

Also to say "no matter what a woman says, she really means this other thing" shows a lack of respect for the women you are with (you know what they "really mean"), and an inability to participate in direct healthy communication (ignore what she says).

That may be your reality in your world, but don't demean other women and men out here in the real world by saying everyone plays those stupid games.
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Old 05-30-2008, 11:46 AM
 
Location: Bay Area
2,406 posts, read 7,889,776 times
Reputation: 1864
I would not break up an engagement just over a comment

We don't know they could have been arguing, or she might not feel appreciated by him. I imagine he is not perfect either, and something sparked that from her.

To me, it sounds like a woman who feels underappreciated and she is saying to him, hey get your **** together, because I am worth more than how you are treating me. I consider it immature to give the silent treatmet, if you plan on spending a lifetime together, you should communicate and find the real reason for what she said.
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Old 05-30-2008, 11:53 AM
 
Location: USA
1,244 posts, read 3,220,614 times
Reputation: 807
I would have to agree with some other posts on that a bit more information is needed here in order to give a better opinion or thought. I've bolded a comment into the quote as to what that information is.

Although, I will say that regardless, in my opinion her statement was out of line and not productive in a relationship. My ex-husband used to say similar things to me about women who would be lined up for him and the amount of phone numbers he received a day. Tell you one thing, it does very little for the security of the relationship and is pretty arrogant in my opinion.

Anyway....

Quote:
Originally Posted by stomper View Post
My fiancee said to me the other night, "there are people lined up to date me". (in what context was this said, jokingly or was something going on or you guys arguing about something)

So basically she's telling me that she's wanted by other guys. (probably, have you guys had an otherwise good relationship and this is totally out of the blue or have you guys been having a rocky relationship to begin with)

So as a truditional guy (no pre-marital sex) I felt insulted. (while this is great, is she a traditional girl and share the same view or is she perhaps wanting different and perhaps bothered by your views on this)

Kind of like I settled for you and I could have gotten someone better. (could be what she is thinking but be careful with assumptions)

So I haven't spoken to her in 2 days. (this is not the best thing to do, there is obviously a problem even if that is in your personal interpretation of what she said and how it made you feel, not speaking to her is not going to solve the problem)

Do I contintue not speaking to her or wait for her to appologize or break it off? (Sure if you are ready to end the relationship, otherwise I would say you need to call her up and get to talking about what happened and how you felt about it)

I don't know, just feel insulted and I feel like she's telling me that she could do better etc, etc. (you have a right to be insulted by what she said, you also have a right to tell her how you feel about it, find out if she feels that she could do better because if that is the case then you two should not be engaged much less married)

SORRY, I MEAN GUYS & GALLS
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Old 05-30-2008, 12:19 PM
 
Location: in my imagination
13,584 posts, read 21,356,616 times
Reputation: 10082
Quote:
Originally Posted by easternerDC View Post
Why is it unrealistic to advise someone not to play the same game? How is asking someone directly what they meant instead of "getting another girl" lined up unrealistic? I guess it is unrealistic to expect an immature person to handle a situation like an adult. Sure it is hard to ask direct questions and hear an honest answer, but it is better than playing games back with someone.

To the OP: Don't give her the silent treatment. Just talk to her. Tell her what she said hurt you, and ask her what she meant.

I don't think that is unrealistic advice.

you know,there is no need to ask her side of it if I were him,she said what she said and it would **** me off and she needs to be put in her place.

there is no reason for a "oh dear I love you so much what did you mean?" discussion
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