Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
So you are telling me that if I want to date and be in a relationship I have to start having more patience and willingness to listen to and handle their personal problems......is that just common and normal for that to happen in this day and age? You should fill me in here...
i'm not immature I just have a different idea of what dating and relationships should be about. I don't like the idea of whining and complaining about the past. I think relationships should be fun for the most part.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ
Well, that goes without saying in my book... but my book might be ancient...
So you are telling me that if I want to date and be in a relationship I have to start having more patience and willingness to listen to and handle their personal problems......is that just common and normal for that to happen in this day and age? You should fill me in here...
i'm not immature I just have a different idea of what dating and relationships should be about. I don't like the idea of whining and complaining about the past. I think relationships should be fun for the most part.
As you know, I'm not the best source, so you're on your own!
Sheeeesh. Thanks for nothing. I thought you were a licensed relationship advisor.
Certainly don't have a good track record to provide for references. I'm good at after-tsunami theory and recognizing red flags (which is not to say I'm not gonna go ahead with something even if can see a whole red forest ). I've said before I don't usually practice what I may possibly preach and generaly dislike many things that are "good for you." It doesn't hurt to tell other people, though... They can eat their spinach all their lives while I'm enjoying my steak... occasionally...
Otherwise I'm like you in a way - have apparently too high expectations. Unlike you, though, I have empathy and sympathy and both of them get in my way big time, so I'm not sure whether it's worth recommending them... Besides, it's not like you can get them in the grocery store.
Certainly don't have a good track record to provide for references. I'm good at after-tsunami theory and recognizing red flags (which is not to say I'm not gonna go ahead with something even if can see a whole red forest ). I've said before I don't usually practice what I may possibly preach and generaly dislike many things that are "good for you." It doesn't hurt to tell other people, though... They can eat their spinach all their lives while I'm enjoying my steak... occasionally...
Otherwise I'm like you in a way - have apparently too high expectations. Unlike you, though, I have empathy and sympathy and both of them get in my way big time, so I'm not sure whether it's worth recommending them... Besides, it's not like you can get them in the grocery store.
So you are telling me that if I want to date and be in a relationship I have to start having more patience and willingness to listen to and handle their personal problems......is that just common and normal for that to happen in this day and age? .
How old are you Artsguy?
Yes of course it's normal to be willing to listen - and everyone has personal problems. Sharing them can be a bonding experience with someone. By refusing to listen you may find that others find you aloof and you could come across as being self centered.
Yes of course it's normal to be willing to listen - and everyone has personal problems. Sharing them can be a bonding experience with someone. By refusing to listen you may find that others find you aloof and you could come across as being self centered.
So is that intimacy? or too much too soon? or just selfishness?
I don't know that I would call it intimacy - at least not the shared kind. Sounds more like a one-way-street kinda' thing.
Too much too soon? Different strokes, baby - different strokes. Some guys will just open up the minute you glance at them; others require the judicious use of C-3 to find anything out.
Selfishness? Depends how you define your terms. Being selfish is not necessarily bad - you need self-love, self-awareness and self-maintenance before you can do anything else. Selfish in that they're taking up your time? If they haven't encountered any good listeners lately, can you blame them?
You said you were about the fun - this kind of sharing certainly wouldn't fall under that heading. "Fun" means all good, no bad - tough to come by in a relationship of any kind other than hanging out at Pier 43 or the local glory-hole establishment.
Perhaps you need to set limits - define your boundaries a bit more forcefully when they start spilling.
Whatever you do, don't give up your membership in the Hermit Society - we NEED motivated members!
having some one open up to you is normally a good thing, but i dont think deep wounds and scars are first date topics. besides, its appreciated more when someone shares becuase they value your opinion and want to share their lifes interests with you, than when they just need someone to vent to.
i wouldnt classify this as intimacy unless it is an intimate relationship over all. it depends on the depth of the relationship. if someone you just met dumps their problems on you then they got serious issues. maybe the dont have anyone to hear them out. do you want to play therapist?
if it is someone you have been dating for months then this is normal and is an intimate act of sharing. thats what COUPLES do. if you have a couple then its ok.
not a couple...suspect and potentially dangerous/psycho
watch out there are plenty a crazy out there.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'm good at after-tsunami theory and recognizing red flags (which is not to say I'm not gonna go ahead with something even if can see a whole red forest 
