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Well, my impression of you on here is that you give well thought out advice that is not trite or predictable - perhaps that is why they open up to you so much..
I'm sure that you could have the kind of relationship you describe - there seem many more people around these days who do not want a 'serious' relationship.
But I imagine it must be tricky..I think most people still want the possibility of commitment and depth and would feel hurt or rejected by this approach even if it is not, at all, your intention.
I think, if you are sure that this is what you want - then starting with the basic premise of a 'light' relationship when looking for the other person and being very clear about that is paramount early on.
Of course, like all relationships, even 'light' and 'fun' has it's potential problems - hence our appearance here..chiefly, I would say they are:
You cannot ensure that it will remain the same..
People fib..I want to try to avoid making sweeping generalisations based on gender - but, from my personal experience - I know some women..me!for example...have agreed to become involved in a 'fun' relationship with the secret hope (even barely admitted to yourself) that things will progress..and this is probably the case for some men..but I am sure there are many men (I'd hazard a guess more than women) who feel the same way as you do.
Gulp! I'm not used to giving 'advice' - but you were very helpful to me the other day - so thankyou and I just wanted to say something in return - it sounds to me like you are going to waste for all those fun-loving sensible men out there who want to create their own idea of how a relationship should 'be'.
When I dated back in the day I noticed the guys (gay men)) would open up and start talking about their childhood wounds, weird experiences that I could not relate too, or talk of their "low self esteem". Yes, one guy actually admitted to me that he has low self esteem. My reaction was to freeze. I didn't really feel more connected with the persons, I started feeling pushed away and treated like I was their personal therapist. lol. They were also not too interested in my life which is another reason why I started having second thoughts about dating and had that frozen over feeling.
So is that intimacy? or too much too soon? or just selfishness?
It sounds like your friend was trying to "relate" to you.
Relating involves sharing experiences and bonding over common experiences. It can be done by friends and lovers, or even strangers. It is the next step beyond the initial stage of friendship, the introduction.
With that having been said, relating is a two-way street. If your friend is talking and not listening, that's called "dumping". Nobody wants to be dumped on, and it sounds like that is what was occurring. It is not uncommon for people to feel uncomfortable in that situation, because the natural thing to do in any kind of a relationship is to share. If there is no sharing, then it's a one-way street and that's just not fair.
Finding folks who listen as well as talk is rare, but they do exist! Whether you keep them as friends or lovers, listeners are people to be cherished. Listening seems to be a skill that is going out of style, but I do promise that there are people out there who practice that skill well! If you find them, you can relate to them and it is all good.
Wow. I'd hate to see what you consider "heavy set"....but let me guess..they look very similar to Jabba The Hut...
Quote:
Originally Posted by SifuPhil
Naw, they aren't chubs...are they? If you think they are, you've never been to NE Pennsylvania.
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I noticed the guys (gay men)) would open up and start talking about their childhood wounds, weird experiences that I could not relate too, or talk of their "low self esteem". Yes, one guy actually admitted to me that he has low self esteem. My reaction was to freeze. I didn't really feel more connected with the persons, I started feeling pushed away and treated like I was their personal therapist. lol. They were also not too interested in my life which is another reason why I started having second thoughts about dating and had that frozen over feeling.
