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I (27M) am in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend (22F) since 6 months. I met her while doing a backpacking trip in her country and after coming back to my country, I kept the contact with her. We started to be very close, and I came back to her country to see her again for 2 weeks. We decided to become a couple despite the distance, and are now seeing each other for 20 days every 2/3 months, and planning to move together when she finished university next year.
My problem is that I have an absolute fear of being cheated on. Like, I don't fear she cheats on me and leaves me because I have enough self-confidence to be sure that I will be able to overcome that with time. But I have an absolute fear of being with someone that would cheat on you but still stay in the relationship without the other person knowing. And this is obviously a fear related to long distance because it's the type of relation where a partner could want to cheat for various reasons while wanting to stay in the relationship (lack of sex, etc).
I never thought I would be able to do long distance because it's so difficult to trust a person you don't see during many weeks. But I feel safe with her because she is giving me all the green flags possible and I objectively couldn't be with someone more trustworthy. She is making very clear that she loves me and want a future with me.
But I am struggling a lot with insecurities and overthinking. I recently discovered that I have an anxious attachment style and I am beginning a therapy to overcome this. I was recently reading a lot of things about attachment styles to understand more how to deal with anxious attachment in relationship, and I discovered that my girlfriend has an avoidant attachment style. I started to read a lot about that attachment style and my insecurities have started to skyrocket because I have found a few articles where they say that persons with avoidant attachment style can be the type of people that could cheat on their partners for various reasons while being in love with them, and still stay in the relationship without feeling guilt. I know this is stupid to have anxiety about something I read on internet but this is literally my worst fear and I can't stop thinking about this. Because, how is it possible to feel secure in a relationship if there are certains persons that can cheat while being happy in the relationship ?
So my question is : how to stop having irrational insecurities when you know you trust the person and that she gives you the most loyal vibes possible, but it's still not enough to kill the insecurities ?
I will obviously talk about that to my therapist but I like having opinions from other people.
Well I feel like I have progressed a lot to be honest. I understand way better how my girlfriend and I are functioning (which wasn't the case at the time of my previous post as you can imagine), our necessities. We have had open conversations about my anxiety and I feel supported.
But it's true that I am still not able to deal with my insecurities.
I (27M) am in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend (22F) since 6 months. I met her while doing a backpacking trip in her country and after coming back to my country, I kept the contact with her. We started to be very close, and I came back to her country to see her again for 2 weeks. We decided to become a couple despite the distance, and are now seeing each other for 20 days every 2/3 months, and planning to move together when she finished university next year.
My problem is that I have an absolute fear of being cheated on. Like, I don't fear she cheats on me and leaves me because I have enough self-confidence to be sure that I will be able to overcome that with time. But I have an absolute fear of being with someone that would cheat on you but still stay in the relationship without the other person knowing. And this is obviously a fear related to long distance because it's the type of relation where a partner could want to cheat for various reasons while wanting to stay in the relationship (lack of sex, etc).
I never thought I would be able to do long distance because it's so difficult to trust a person you don't see during many weeks. But I feel safe with her because she is giving me all the green flags possible and I objectively couldn't be with someone more trustworthy. She is making very clear that she loves me and want a future with me.
But I am struggling a lot with insecurities and overthinking. I recently discovered that I have an anxious attachment style and I am beginning a therapy to overcome this. I was recently reading a lot of things about attachment styles to understand more how to deal with anxious attachment in relationship, and I discovered that my girlfriend has an avoidant attachment style. I started to read a lot about that attachment style and my insecurities have started to skyrocket because I have found a few articles where they say that persons with avoidant attachment style can be the type of people that could cheat on their partners for various reasons while being in love with them, and still stay in the relationship without feeling guilt. I know this is stupid to have anxiety about something I read on internet but this is literally my worst fear and I can't stop thinking about this. Because, how is it possible to feel secure in a relationship if there are certains persons that can cheat while being happy in the relationship ?
So my question is : how to stop having irrational insecurities when you know you trust the person and that she gives you the most loyal vibes possible, but it's still not enough to kill the insecurities ?
I will obviously talk about that to my therapist but I like having opinions from other people.
Thanks a lot in advance for your answers !
You are struggling because you're not in a romantic relationship. Essentially you're having a pen pal. She's in another country I don't know how far away she is from you but unless you go there to be with her or she comes here to be with you there isn't a relationship and there's no grounds for trust.
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