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Old 06-02-2008, 09:06 PM
 
2 posts, read 5,147 times
Reputation: 10

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All:

Please help to provide me advise.

I know that I'm a gal and it's not right to fall in love for a married gal but please listen to my story.

I'm a gal working in a multinational company and one day this gal came into my company to work. It was love @ 1st sight when I 1st came to know her but during that time I didn't know that she's married and have a son some more as she's younger than me.

Then, when I knew that she's already married, I have tried to avoid her and tried to make her ignorant of me. This has been lasted for almost 1 year but it didn't seems to work.

One day, I lost controlled and told her that I have feelings for her. To my surprise, she didn't reject me but was very curious on why I have feelings for her and kept calling me up to talk to me @ 1st. So as days goes by, my feelings for her grows much and much stronger each day and she also have some kinda unexplainable feelings towards me which she cannot show it out and which she must built a wall against it.

Then, my mum was very curious on the changes of my attitude and kept questioning me and my frens on why I'm behaving this way and she started to do silly things like going to the married gal's house to disturb her. Until one nite my fren came to help out the situation and my mum got the confirmation of from her that I have feelings towards the married gal.

From that day onwards, my mum started to go crazy saying that I'm a lesbian and I'm doing all this immoral things and will go to the married gal's house or called her up to threaten her. @ the beginning, the married gal still can stand it and still stayed by my side but as this dragged on, she already cannot stand it and she said that she will have to protect herself and her family and asked me to let go.

Another thing is that, the married gal's husband actually need about our situation and he was supportive towards his wife @ the beginning because he knew that I just wanted to pour concerns onto his wife and do nothing more. This is because he's always away from home from Monday till Thursday and come back only from Friday afternoon to Sunday.

The thing is how should I rescue this situation where:
1. My mum will be back to normal
2. I can be with the married gal happily

Note: I really love her deeply and I don't think I can live without her.
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Old 06-02-2008, 09:36 PM
 
2,222 posts, read 10,207,516 times
Reputation: 3314
I think you need to back off. This woman is married and has a son/family. She may have been flattered or lonely, but she has asked you to let go, she is unable to cope with this. That is your clue to stay away and leave her alone. She does not have the same feelings that you do. I think you are reading more into this than is there. Perhaps you took her friendship for more than it was.

You told your mother and now she is involved? Tell your mother you are not in a relationship with this woman. I wouldn't blame this woman if she called the police and said she was being harassed and got a restraining order against the both of you. Your mother is way out of line, not silly. This woman may feel that what started as a friendship has turned into a nightmare.
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Old 06-02-2008, 10:09 PM
 
4,044 posts, read 5,781,333 times
Reputation: 1572
Quote:
Originally Posted by selinaalwiz View Post
@ the beginning, the married gal still can stand it and still stayed by my side but as this dragged on, she already cannot stand it and she said that she will have to protect herself and her family and asked me to let go.
If that's how she feels about the situation, you really should honor her wishes for you to let go. You love her and you don't want to bring all that grief into her life. It sounds like your mom's actions are causing her a lot of stress and you don't want to perpetuate that. Personally, I don't think you can be with her happily unless the two of you approach each other at a different point in her life and she is no longer married. I think that if you push her, she is likely to wind up feeling resentful, and you don't want that. If you can't be with her, that's one thing, but if she winds up hating you because she felt threatened, that's far worse.

If your mom has a problem with you being a lesbian, that's another issue altogether. Hopefully, it's something the two of you can discuss over time, and in a different context. If and when you find another woman who is unattached and are free to enter into a relationship with her, I would hope that your mother could be accepting. If she is seemingly impossibly homophobic (and I don't think this particular situation is helping that if it's the case--she could be assuming that your lesbianism is inherently unhealthy and compels you to break up families), it might take a long time, but I believe it's possible. I would tell her about PFLAG if she isn't familiar with it.
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Old 06-03-2008, 06:49 AM
 
2 posts, read 5,147 times
Reputation: 10
I know that letting go is a better solution but can you tell me how do I get over it. I'm seeing her everyday in the same office. I really love her very much and I cannot have myself to love anybody else already. She has stole my heart away and I'm heartless right now.
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Old 06-03-2008, 07:17 AM
 
Location: Northern Colorado
7,675 posts, read 18,308,162 times
Reputation: 4932
From a 60 year old straight/married man........MOVE ON, NOW!!!!!!! Quite your job if you have to, but MOVE ON. You sound like you are totally obsessed with this lady. I have to admit though, years and years ago (way before my marriage), I wanted a relationship with a lady so bad that I would become "obsessed" with about any women I would meet. Only thing is, it sure isn't good for you mental being. Good Luck
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Old 06-03-2008, 07:30 AM
 
4,044 posts, read 5,781,333 times
Reputation: 1572
Quote:
Originally Posted by selinaalwiz View Post
I know that letting go is a better solution but can you tell me how do I get over it. I'm seeing her everyday in the same office.
I know that must be difficult. If the job wasn't important to me, I probably would try to find another one. If it was, I would just try to find ways to avoid her as much as possible. I know that seeing someone every day really, really doesn't help when you're trying to get over him or her, but I guess you'll have to work that much harder at it. I recently had that situation with a guy at my work...and it could really put a damper on my work day, but I just tried my best to do my work instead of paying any attention to him. I had to keep myself as busy as possible or I might fall apart. Try to do the same. I think if you keep yourself occupied, it will get easier and easier not to spend time thinking about your feelings for her.

Quote:
I really love her very much and I cannot have myself to love anybody else already. She has stole my heart away and I'm heartless right now.
I know the feeling. Oh, I know it. But I don't think it's something to be proud of, honestly. You don't want to be that invested in someone, especially if the person isn't in a position to reciprocate any of it. And as much as thoughts what you've articulated there have taken me over in the past, I was surprised, again and again, how over time, I began to wonder why I was so obsessed with that person. I bet you'll find someone else soon enough, too.
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Old 06-03-2008, 08:33 AM
 
Location: West Texas
2,449 posts, read 5,683,043 times
Reputation: 3116
On this one I can't be as "touchy feely" as some others. Let it go and move on. If not just for you, and not for her... think about her family that you are tearing apart.

The best way I tell people to deal with this is to put yourself in the vulnerable position (either the husband or the son). If you were married to a man and another man was trying to pull him away even after being told to let go, what would YOU say? If she does leave him for you, do you think the son will be affectionate towards you?

This has nothing to do with gay or straight. This has to do with the doing the right damn thing. Move on. You've been asked.
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Old 06-03-2008, 08:38 AM
 
Location: Northern Colorado
7,675 posts, read 18,308,162 times
Reputation: 4932
I agree: "Nothing to do with gay or straight. This has to do with doing the RIGHT thing."

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rathagos View Post
On this one I can't be as "touchy feely" as some others. Let it go and move on. If not just for you, and not for her... think about her family that you are tearing apart.

The best way I tell people to deal with this is to put yourself in the vulnerable position (either the husband or the son). If you were married to a man and another man was trying to pull him away even after being told to let go, what would YOU say? If she does leave him for you, do you think the son will be affectionate towards you?

This has nothing to do with gay or straight. This has to do with the doing the right damn thing. Move on. You've been asked.
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Old 06-03-2008, 09:20 AM
 
Location: Orlando, FL
169 posts, read 515,756 times
Reputation: 49
To be honest. Respect her feelings and let it go. Seriously. It sucks but you're kinda scaring me a little....do the right thing. It can cause you alot of hardache if you don't.
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Old 06-03-2008, 09:21 AM
 
Location: Orlando, FL
169 posts, read 515,756 times
Reputation: 49
plus it doesn't look like theres a chance of a threesome happening anytime.
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