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i've seen threads asking what you look for in a significant other and what your ideal person would like be but i'm curious as to what qualities you specificaly love about the person you're with now. sometimes they're not the same. because my husband and i are on the verge of splitting, i of course have been highlighting all his faults. so last night, i layed in bed listing all the things i enjoy about him. these are not qualities that i was attracted to but more that i've come to love about him.
1.his work ethic. this man gives 110% to every job his had no matter how much he's hated it. he doesn't show up late, call in sick or slack off. there's been jobs he would've loved to quit but he knows we depended on him to support our family and it kept him going.
2.he keeps cool in any situation. we've had some hairy moments in storms, some medical scares and tradgies and he awalys "stays strong for me".
no matter what, i know he'd get us through it...i trust him with my life.
3.he's sincerly kind and polite to strangers. his "how are you?" and "have a nice day!" is the most genuine i've ever seen.
4.he'd give you his last dollar. if he can help it, he'd never say no to a friend in need. he might complain to me that he really didn't feel like it but he'd always put on a smile and see it through because he feels a certain duty.
5.he can build anything and fix most anything. i'm sure they're a lot of men like this but i just love it. if i show him a picture...he makes it for me. i find it so sexy and i love to watch him work.
6.when we watch movies he always looks at me during the funny parts to see if i'm laughing. we give eachother a look that says, " i caught that too". we have a lot of silent ways we communicate...i've never had that with anyone else.
7.theres so much more but this is the most important. he has the ability to forgive me for some major mess up's and overlook some serious flaws. he can let things go. that's big in my book.
oh yeah, it doesn't hurt that after ten years, i still think he's just about the hottest thing on two legs
i've seen threads asking what you look for in a significant other and what your ideal person would like be but i'm curious as to what qualities you specificaly love about the person you're with now. sometimes they're not the same. because my husband and i are on the verge of splitting, i of course have been highlighting all his faults. so last night, i layed in bed listing all the things i enjoy about him. these are not qualities that i was attracted to but more that i've come to love about him.
1.his work ethic. this man gives 110% to every job his had no matter how much he's hated it. he doesn't show up late, call in sick or slack off. there's been jobs he would've loved to quit but he knows we depended on him to support our family and it kept him going.
2.he keeps cool in any situation. we've had some hairy moments in storms, some medical scares and tradgies and he awalys "stays strong for me".
no matter what, i know he'd get us through it...i trust him with my life.
3.he's sincerly kind and polite to strangers. his "how are you?" and "have a nice day!" is the most genuine i've ever seen.
4.he'd give you his last dollar. if he can help it, he'd never say no to a friend in need. he might complain to me that he really didn't feel like it but he'd always put on a smile and see it through because he feels a certain duty.
5.he can build anything and fix most anything. i'm sure they're a lot of men like this but i just love it. if i show him a picture...he makes it for me. i find it so sexy and i love to watch him work.
6.when we watch movies he always looks at me during the funny parts to see if i'm laughing. we give eachother a look that says, " i caught that too". we have a lot of silent ways we communicate...i've never had that with anyone else.
7.theres so much more but this is the most important. he has the ability to forgive me for some major mess up's and overlook some serious flaws. he can let things go. that's big in my book.
oh yeah, it doesn't hurt that after ten years, i still think he's just about the hottest thing on two legs
With all those good things to say about him, WHY are you on the verge of splitting up???
With all those good things to say about him, WHY are you on the verge of splitting up???
well, unfortunately most of all his good intentions are aimed at friends and strangers. maybe by default, being the closest to him i get the leftovers.
he comes home, goes straight to the t.v. and stays there until a lot of times he falls asleep. he gives my daughter and i a very small amount of his attention and huffs and puffs whenever we ask anything of him. he has given me NOTHING for 8 out of 8 wedding anniversaries, very little for other holidays or birthdays. we've never had very many intimate or romantic moments mo matter how much i've begged. his excuse is that he works hard, provides for us shouldn't be expected of much more. he doesn't so much hug me as hug me back and not so much 'i love you' as ' i love you too'. all that i can handle.
but the dealbreaker is mainly his dishonesty. he has trouble telling the truth no matter if you present him with the evidence or not. lately, he comes home very late on fridays when he gets paid. it started with "just cashing his check" at a local casino to now i can't get him on his cell and he'll come walking in late at night, sometimes intoxicated and act as if i ave no right to " hound him" about where he's been, how much $ he lost etc.. one saturday, he left the house at 2pm to turn in recycling and didn't come home until 2am. so after pleading with him to take a break from the casino, he flat out refuses. what am i to do? i sit at the window for hours on end wondering if he is sitting at a poker table, flirting with women or arrested for drunk driving etc...
how could i ever really know what he's doing when he's so dishonest?
i'm sick about it.
well, unfortunately most of all his good intentions are aimed at friends and strangers. maybe by default, being the closest to him i get the leftovers.
he comes home, goes straight to the t.v. and stays there until a lot of times he falls asleep. he gives my daughter and i a very small amount of his attention and huffs and puffs whenever we ask anything of him. he has given me NOTHING for 8 out of 8 wedding anniversaries, very little for other holidays or birthdays. we've never had very many intimate or romantic moments mo matter how much i've begged. his excuse is that he works hard, provides for us shouldn't be expected of much more. he doesn't so much hug me as hug me back and not so much 'i love you' as ' i love you too'. all that i can handle.
but the dealbreaker is mainly his dishonesty. he has trouble telling the truth no matter if you present him with the evidence or not. lately, he comes home very late on fridays when he gets paid. it started with "just cashing his check" at a local casino to now i can't get him on his cell and he'll come walking in late at night, sometimes intoxicated and act as if i ave no right to " hound him" about where he's been, how much $ he lost etc.. one saturday, he left the house at 2pm to turn in recycling and didn't come home until 2am. so after pleading with him to take a break from the casino, he flat out refuses. what am i to do? i sit at the window for hours on end wondering if he is sitting at a poker table, flirting with women or arrested for drunk driving etc...
how could i ever really know what he's doing when he's so dishonest?
i'm sick about it.
Sounds like he's checking out on you for sure, sorry. Any chance you could get him into some marriage counseling - like tomorrow?
I find it very commendable that with all that going on you are still trying to find things to admire about him
he said, " i don't do counseling", and "i'm not the one with a problem". meaning=he's fine with our marriage and thinks we'd be ok if i'd lay off with the nagging about the gambling. he wants to stay together.
do i think he's cheating on me? nope, but i think his behavior shows and huge lack of disrespect and thoughtfullness. if you say to someone, " this is hurting me and our relationship is at risk", but they continue...then what do i do?
all this right before our intended move to NC. we're suppose to be moving in september.
he said, " i don't do counseling", and "i'm not the one with a problem". meaning=he's fine with our marriage and thinks we'd be ok if i'd lay off with the nagging about the gambling. he wants to stay together.
do i think he's cheating on me? nope, but i think his behavior shows and huge lack of disrespect and thoughtfullness. if you say to someone, " this is hurting me and our relationship is at risk", but they continue...then what do i do?
all this right before our intended move to NC. we're suppose to be moving in september.
I'm so sorry - there really isn't much hope for a relationship in which only one person is willing to do the work. Both people have to be involved and engaged or you are just spinning your wheels. May I suggest individual counseling for you, so that you can better clarify your options?
1. His love for me, our son and our unborn baby! He has been head over heels for me since we met! He is such an amazing father to our son and has been so excited to have another ever since we had the first one! He is the one who was more eager to have a second child and I love that about him!
2. His work ethic, he does not call in sick, he busts his butt and is the first one up for a raise whenever one is on the table! His boss and his co-workers love him.
3. His sense of humor. The first time we hung out one on one we couldn't stop laughing! This has continued throughout our relationship and still happens even though we are married! I'm so glad we haven't lost the spark.
4. He is my rock. I know that he will always be there for me, no matter what. Being as I have not had a lot of stability in my life up to this point, it is so reassuring to have a husband I know will never fail me!
I could go on forever, but I don't want to be too sappy! I guess the biggest thing I admire about my husband is that he is willing to put in the work necessary for keeping our marriage rock solid! He isn't big on talking things out, but if we really need to talk about something, he will do it for the sake of our relationship. I couldn't ask for more!
Oh, and I didn't realize you were on the verge of splitting Mountaingirl! I sincerely hope that things do work out for you because you seem to love him very much!
I'm so sorry - there really isn't much hope for a relationship in which only one person is willing to do the work. Both people have to be involved and engaged or you are just spinning your wheels. May I suggest individual counseling for you, so that you can better clarify your options?
i think that's a good idea. i think everyone could benefit from a little clarity!
i got a lot of private replies as to how wonderful i made him sound and that i should try and work something out. i do love him and am willing to do whatever it takes but i feel emtionally exhausted.
i still do think the world of him and i have my flaws too. i'm going to try and appreciate all those wonderful qualities about him a little more.
having a positive attitude can't make things worse, can it?
thanks so much to you all for the kind words and advice. i feel better.
miss martha, he sounds like a good man. what's wrong with being sappy over him?
1. His love for me, our son and our unborn baby! He has been head over heels for me since we met! He is such an amazing father to our son and has been so excited to have another ever since we had the first one! He is the one who was more eager to have a second child and I love that about him!
2. His work ethic, he does not call in sick, he busts his butt and is the first one up for a raise whenever one is on the table! His boss and his co-workers love him.
3. His sense of humor. The first time we hung out one on one we couldn't stop laughing! This has continued throughout our relationship and still happens even though we are married! I'm so glad we haven't lost the spark.
4. He is my rock. I know that he will always be there for me, no matter what. Being as I have not had a lot of stability in my life up to this point, it is so reassuring to have a husband I know will never fail me!
I could go on forever, but I don't want to be too sappy! I guess the biggest thing I admire about my husband is that he is willing to put in the work necessary for keeping our marriage rock solid! He isn't big on talking things out, but if we really need to talk about something, he will do it for the sake of our relationship. I couldn't ask for more!
Oh, and I didn't realize you were on the verge of splitting Mountaingirl! I sincerely hope that things do work out for you because you seem to love him very much!
I so agree with you, I too could go on and on forever So instead, I will just say, my husband is so incredible as a person AND as a husband that I am truly privileged to be married to him.
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