Widower adored his late wife. (dating, marriage, man, love)
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Curious. What’s your take on widower talking about his late wife incessantly when on a date in a new relationship? He was fortunate to have had a great marriage of 27 years. She passed 4 years ago. But I’m wondering if he’s ready to love again. He says he is, but his late wife is the main topic of the conversation all the time. He’s a great guy. No wonder he had a good marriage. I find it endearing.
If thats all he talks about I'd be looking for the exit. Has he dated anyone before you or are you the first since she passed? It may be endearing now but you aren't his therapist or clergy. The more he talks about her the less he learns about you. If he hasn't developed other interests and activities in 4 years and taken steps to move forward with his life then he sounds stuck in his grief for his wife. Do you want to be with someone who's focus is still on the deceased wife or someone who's truly interested in getting to know You?
If you are really interested in him then talk to him about this and let him know your concerns. He might not realize how much he talks about her or he may realize he's just not ready for you yet but you do need to have this conversation if it's bothering you.
Curious. What’s your take on widower talking about his late wife incessantly when on a date in a new relationship? He was fortunate to have had a great marriage of 27 years. She passed 4 years ago. But I’m wondering if he’s ready to love again. He says he is, but his late wife is the main topic of the conversation all the time. He’s a great guy. No wonder he had a good marriage. I find it endearing.
If you find it to be endearing, I'd keep seeing him and see how things go--especially if you're not looking to cohabitate or remarry and are just seeking romance and quality companionship.
That being said, if the incessant talk about this guy's late wife continues after the newness has worn off your relationship and he doesn't seem to be all that interested in you as a person as time goes on, you might want to move on as that would be an indication that he's not quite ready to form a relationship.
My feeling is that he is still healing in the grieving stage of acceptance. Keep in mind these stages have no timeline. He will be ready when he is ready. I would have a difficult time living in the shadow of another who has passed.
She passed 4 years ago. But I’m wondering if he’s ready to love again. He says he is, but his late wife is the main topic of the conversation all the time.
Just be honest and tell him you feel he isn't ready for a new relationship based on the fact he cannot stop talking about his wife. Then see what he has to say. Four years should be plenty of time to move on, but everyone does so at their own rate. For me, I couldn't be with someone that hasn't moved on after that length of time.
Don't give your heart away. Does he have friends? Perhaps he hasn't had anyone to talk to about her. Maybe it will play out after a few dates. How many dates has it been . However, a smart person would not be discussing their late spouse while out on a date, other than I am widowed. He/she was a great person and I miss him/her, but it's time I move on.
Give it a few dates. If he doesn't get past talking about her constantly, gently tell him that he isn't ready to date as he only talks about his late wife non stop. Suggest he find a grief group.
It's also possible he just doesn't have anything else to talk about. He may be a nice man that is totally uninteresting and dull.
I don't think that I would have a problem with it.
I mean, my husband has to tolerate me not only occasionally talking about my first husband (who is still alive) but sometimes I have to interact with him on the phone or whatever, because we have two young adult sons who still need a lot of help and support. We have to be "on the same page" with a number of things that are going on especially with the younger one. And with our older one...well, for understandable reasons our older son no longer speaks to his father. But I do feel that it's kind to let my ex know that he's OK, and the general gist of what he's up to in life.
My husband knows that I still care about my ex on some level although those feelings are more familial and far from romantic. But in the early days, he (present husband) was really there for me in terms of helping me process some pretty complicated stuff I was dealing with from that relationship.
Sounds to me like this man is still processing his grief. And if it doesn't make YOU uncomfortable then you may be the right person to be there in support of him while he does that. I get why some would be uncomfortable with it...nothing wrong with that, either...but only you know how you feel. You don't have to feel this or that way because others say they would.
A guy who had been successfully married for 27 years might be a little rusty about dating and he probably was nervous on the date. Some people when nervous will talk to avoid awkward pauses in the conversation and this guy might have been doing that here. Going on first dates probably does remind of his wife, so that may be why he's talking about her here.
The one huge advantage that I think widows/widowers have is that they can have excellent day to day relationship skills. This guy was happily married for 27 years. He also didn't divorce his ex. This guy has a demonstrated history of successfully thriving in a long term relationship. That's worth a lot to me.
I would probably give the guy a few more dates to see if he relaxes more on these dates and to generally see where this could go. More dates would likely clarify to you how you feel about him. A date isn't a promise of marriage, it just spending more time with someone else to figure out how you both feel about each other and right now you still aren't sure.
A guy who had been successfully married for 27 years might be a little rusty about dating and he probably was nervous on the date. Some people when nervous will talk to avoid awkward pauses in the conversation and this guy might have been doing that here. Going on first dates probably does remind of his wife, so that may be why he's talking about her here.
The one huge advantage that I think widows/widowers have is that they can have excellent day to day relationship skills. This guy was happily married for 27 years. He also didn't divorce his ex. This guy has a demonstrated history of successfully thriving in a long term relationship. That's worth a lot to me.
I would probably give the guy a few more dates to see if he relaxes more on these dates and to generally see where this could go. More dates would likely clarify to you how you feel about him. A date isn't a promise of marriage, it just spending more time with someone else to figure out how you both feel about each other and right now you still aren't sure.
Talking about her is fine but shouldn't be the main topic all the time. He should have some more sensitivity toward his date.
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