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I've always been the type that dwells on failures, disappointments and such. I am a glass-half-empty type of person... always have. My younger self would have seen relationships that come to an end as a complete waste of time. I would have gone into isolation for a period of time to get over it before emerging ready to move on. Something that all those close to me always accepted and understood as just who I am. They always gave me the space and time required knowing that I would eventually be ok. Now entering into my 50s, I am finally learning how that impacts my thoughts, feelings, and how I view life. I'm just now really understanding not just voicing it to myself.
Do you see vacations, trips, and such that all come to an end with nothing but memories to show for it a waste of time?
I don't.
As long as I enjoyed the relationship for some time, learned, grew, and walked away with good memories, I don't consider it a waste of time.
All my relationships have ended amicably except for one recently sometime last year. Walking away was hard, painful, and a new experience for me. I was hurt for a period of time but I can still look back at the almost decade of good memories (initially in a relationship and later as just friends... family like).
I guess what I am saying is that the journey is more important than the destination. If I never reach that destination, I realize that I am ok with it and focus on other things; building other good memories with others in my life and hopefully future people yet to enter into my life.
I have spent years in relationships that should have ended after a few months. Pretty much most of them should have ended after 6 months.
My positive thought about that is that each situation brought me further in life in other areas. And it all could have ended worse. I did not end up being a single mom on drugs on welfare.
I may not have ended up happily married forever, but I grew into a better person, more stable mentally and financially. I have gained amazing friendships that will last a lifetime and I am geographically in a place I want to be. All my failed relationships brought me here .. So... it was not all a waste. It had to happen for me to be where I need to be.
But of course I can just as well be negative and dwell on all the time lost in horrible relationships, wasting my youth and beauty on guys that did not deserve it while I could have met the love of my life in my 20s and have had a beautiful family.
I’ve kind of dabbled with this question myself. And here’s the conclusion I came to. Everything in this life and everything you know to be in existence of eventually comes to an end. Life itself will come to an end. People you know come and go, and they will pass as well eventually. Nothing last forever in this life. Relationships are the same way. Even the best of the best eventually come to an end by someone passing on. So you can’t view it as a waste of time. A loss of life. It’s part of your life, journey and part of your lesson in this life. I’ve learned something from every relationship I’ve had. The good ones and the bad ones.
I’ve kind of dabbled with this question myself. And here’s the conclusion I came to. Everything in this life and everything you know to be in existence of eventually comes to an end. Life itself will come to an end. People you know come and go, and they will pass as well eventually. Nothing last forever in this life. Relationships are the same way. Even the best of the best eventually come to an end by someone passing on. So you can’t view it as a waste of time. A loss of life. It’s part of your life, journey and part of your lesson in this life. I’ve learned something from every relationship I’ve had. The good ones and the bad ones.
My father always told me when he taught me to play poker, "You always pay for your education, one way or another".
Well, I didn't listen, got married, and had 12 years until she decided she wanted to sell the ranch and spend the money.
Luckily, my father and I had set up a corporation to own the property, so all she could get was a percentage of the value of my shares, which the shares were valued on the price my father had paid when he bought the place in 1950, so she didn't get nearly as much money as she planned on.
It's OK though, she married some other sucker and cleaned him out for a pretty penny.
That was 22 years ago, I live by myself and I'm happy. I don't need to have another golddigger try to take everything I've worked for all my life.
Learn to enjoy your life without someone tagging along. I enjoyed having a wife, for the first few years, but it isn't worth the stress and strain and danger of losing everything.
My relationship wasn't wasted, It taught me to value my friends and family, and how to count my blessings.
My father always told me when he taught me to play poker, "You always pay for your education, one way or another".
Well, I didn't listen, got married, and had 12 years until she decided she wanted to sell the ranch and spend the money.
Luckily, my father and I had set up a corporation to own the property, so all she could get was a percentage of the value of my shares, which the shares were valued on the price my father had paid when he bought the place in 1950, so she didn't get nearly as much money as she planned on.
It's OK though, she married some other sucker and cleaned him out for a pretty penny.
That was 22 years ago, I live by myself and I'm happy. I don't need to have another golddigger try to take everything I've worked for all my life.
Learn to enjoy your life without someone tagging along. I enjoyed having a wife, for the first few years, but it isn't worth the stress and strain and danger of losing everything.
My relationship wasn't wasted, It taught me to value my friends and family, and how to count my blessings.
I am glad you came out on top!!
I find it sad that many people think like you because of women like her - there are a lot of honest women out there who not would try to make profit out of a divorce. I think everyone with anything of value should protect themselves like you did or with a pre-nup. That takes money out of the equation and therefore there is less of a chance to get cleaned out aka marry for the wrong reasons.
My ex-husband and I filled out our divorce papers together and I offered to prepare a post-nup to declare that I am not going after his military retirement. He went to war, not me - so I did not think I am entitled to his hard earned retirement. I have an undergrad law degree and set up the document and went to a lawyer to get it looked at and notarized.
However, if he would have been cheating on me or been abusive, I would probably have acted way differently.
You act as if all relationships are a guarantee of 24/7 happiness and always work out. It's the opposite. Relationships more often than not fail or evolve into unhappy relationships. The other relationship(s) you missed out on in those 5 years could have ended the same way or been worse. Do you view no longer being friends with your old high school friends as wasted past time?
I’ve kind of dabbled with this question myself. And here’s the conclusion I came to. Everything in this life and everything you know to be in existence of eventually comes to an end. Life itself will come to an end. People you know come and go, and they will pass as well eventually. Nothing last forever in this life. Relationships are the same way. Even the best of the best eventually come to an end by someone passing on. So you can’t view it as a waste of time. A loss of life. It’s part of your life, journey and part of your lesson in this life. I’ve learned something from every relationship I’ve had. The good ones and the bad ones.
Excellent post! There are no guarantees when it comes to people. People are incomprehensible, and they can do "bad" things that aren't illegal, so you have zero recourse toward making things right or receiving some sort of compensation for the wasted time. Cut the loss and continue on your journey.
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