Why would a guy ghost a relationship after introducing you to his family and friends (dating, long distance)
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Flew to visit him twice (he lives 15 hours away by plane- so yeah), met his family and friends and even stayed with his family. We made promises to each other then suddenly he just ghosted. Together for around 4 months then suddenly, within like a week communication slowed down, he said it was due to work and that there was a lot going on in his life, but he couldn’t really explain as to what it was that was bothering him- he’s always had trouble expressing himself(not the type to share his problems) so I never really insisted.but then again I don’t know if it was me, that he doubted me or what. The only reason I can think of is because of an old dating profile that maybe him or his friend came across that I forgot to delete. Even so, I told him about this and apologized (it was just an honest mistake, this was like the last message I sent him, no response) because when he was ghosting me my friend had found his active tinder account, I gave him the benefit of the doubt and never brought that up to him nor questioned him about it. Plus it wouldn’t make sense that he would think that because on that one dating account that I had it was just really old photos and info(mainly used it to talk to people from places I would travel to)lol he even gave me a tattoo and I gave him one too, we swapped personal stuff for keepsakes as well. Weird thing is that he didn’t block me nor unfollow me. He’s more active on social media than he was when we were together. My friend actually reached out to him without my knowledge a few weeks ago and weirdly he responded so quick, he said that I had come into his life in a complicated period and despite not wanting to leave he had to make the difficult decision to do so. He said he knows that he has to explain himself but he’d rather explain it to me himself. Before I knew about this, like a few days prior I had mailed him one last letter to address the situation, say my thank yous and goodbyes. I didn’t say anything mean or bad but even with that no response. I’m not sure if he’s an avoidant or just a bad person lol I’m so confused and I would like for him to explain exactly the whys.
I gather you only saw him in person the two times you flew out to see him. That's not enough time to get to know someone. Why try to maintain a long distance relationship? What was the end goal? Was one or the other of you going to move? I would guess that this relationship, what little there was of it, meant a lot more to you than it did to him. Consider him as moved on. Now you do the same.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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I think meeting his family and friends after only being together for 4 months was something that was odd about this relationship. I think the dating profile probably poked a hole in the dam of his confidence in you and maybe his family/friends feedback broke the dam beyond repairing. He probably should not have ghosted you. I don’t think this relationship was viable with that 15 hours of travel time on a plane.
Location: East of Seattle since 1992, 615' Elevation, Zone 8b - originally from SF Bay Area
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Quote:
Originally Posted by D217
15 hours by plane, sheesh... My guess is his family made negative comments about you or the relationship, and he agreed.
If he is dumping you because his family doesn't like you then he is a "momma's boy" and doesn't deserve your attention, let him go. Likewise, you don't want to waste any time or emotion on someone that is not even willing to explain his reasons for splitting.
Flew to visit him twice (he lives 15 hours away by plane- so yeah), met his family and friends and even stayed with his family. We made promises to each other then suddenly he just ghosted. Together for around 4 months then suddenly, within like a week communication slowed down, he said it was due to work and that there was a lot going on in his life, but he couldn’t really explain as to what it was that was bothering him- he’s always had trouble expressing himself(not the type to share his problems) so I never really insisted.but then again I don’t know if it was me, that he doubted me or what. The only reason I can think of is because of an old dating profile that maybe him or his friend came across that I forgot to delete. Even so, I told him about this and apologized (it was just an honest mistake, this was like the last message I sent him, no response) because when he was ghosting me my friend had found his active tinder account, I gave him the benefit of the doubt and never brought that up to him nor questioned him about it. Plus it wouldn’t make sense that he would think that because on that one dating account that I had it was just really old photos and info(mainly used it to talk to people from places I would travel to)lol he even gave me a tattoo and I gave him one too, we swapped personal stuff for keepsakes as well. Weird thing is that he didn’t block me nor unfollow me. He’s more active on social media than he was when we were together. My friend actually reached out to him without my knowledge a few weeks ago and weirdly he responded so quick, he said that I had come into his life in a complicated period and despite not wanting to leave he had to make the difficult decision to do so. He said he knows that he has to explain himself but he’d rather explain it to me himself. Before I knew about this, like a few days prior I had mailed him one last letter to address the situation, say my thank yous and goodbyes. I didn’t say anything mean or bad but even with that no response. I’m not sure if he’s an avoidant or just a bad person lol I’m so confused and I would like for him to explain exactly the whys.
Sometimes life doesn't seem fair, and a lot of the time, we don't get the answers we think we so desparately need. Some people don't need closure, you obviously do. With him rejecting you in such a way, it frustrates you because you don't understand.
See if you can look at things a little differently. Here you have a guy that you "thought" was someone special, you believed that you may have a future with him and you were happy. As it turns out though, you got hooked up with an immature jerk that doesn't have the balls to talk to you in person, so he hides behind his phone and his profiles online.
He isn't what you thought he was. He never will be, and the best thing you can do is learn to accept the fact that he is not going to be in your life because you will not allow him in. He doesn't deserve the attention you're trying to give him and he doesn't want it. He only cares about himself and he doesn't care who he hurts along the way.
That being said, you really need to stop contacting him, block him if you have to and move on with your life. Remember that there will come a day when you won't even think about him and when you do, you look up and say "Thank you Lord" because he is NOT in your life.
Time is your friend. Heal from this before getting back on the market and good luck to you.
What is it with posters who have never learned about paragraphs or inserting a RETURN in a verbose post.
See Post #9 for the gory details.
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