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Old 06-06-2008, 08:40 PM
 
11 posts, read 56,197 times
Reputation: 21

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ok..So i know he is being selfish but I am stuck between a rock and a hard place...We were married almost 15 years ago and he is just one of those people who has a hobby..not a big deal as I know that most husbands have hobbies..however, he has EXPENSIVE hobbies, first it was motorcycles (streetbikes) but when I got pregnant with our first child I made him get rid of it...then it was remote controlled airplanes, then it was REAL airplanes of which he bought one and THEN told me... That was huge...now, back then we had a lot of money and I was able to buy things I wanted too (much less expensive, house stuff and clothes) and then he sold the plane and we got a newer plane (planes appreciate and not depreciate like cars) however, we sold it for a loss just to get rid of it as we needed the money when my husband changed jobs and sold our business..that is where things went bad..he bought tons of things like remote controlled helicopters and parts and well, it is expensive...and then one day he told me we had to sell the house as we didn't have any more money and were getting ready to go bankrupt..OMG So..I freaked, got a job (was a stay at home mom) and did ebaying etc to make extra and he didn't sell anything of his...NOTHING...I didn't want to ask him to as I have seen him without a hobby and it is not pretty...he is bored and depressed and man it is bad for me! lol...anyway...it has been 5 years of struggling, we never did sell the house (tried for all those years but the housing market is bad as you know)

well, now he has sold his helicopters and my kids (both boys) and him are into dirtbikes....expensive...we have little money and he complains that I need to get a job again (I am a sub and don't work in the summer) and we need to cut back on groceries etc..however he keeps buying stuff...and everytime they go to the track it costs money..I can't buy anything..NOTHING...we live paycheck to paycheck.. yet he is having fun...

NOW..you are asking, why not say something, why not get mad? I have..and he gets madder..and I know he is doing this to be close to his kids and if I tell him to get rid of it the kids will know it is me that said to do it..I don't want to take that away from his kids but I have been waiting for it to me MY time for that many years and I don't want to be selfish but man..i am tired of being last...I make a paycheck and it goes IMMEDIATELY to him...to pay bills...

someone help me...He said I am a nag...I come to him with the same problem all the time and well, i do..but nothing ever changes...so i keep coming back...Right now it is building that I want to bring it up again but I can't...I don't want to argue and I know what he will do..he will just go sell them and then be mad at me and depressed and guess what? It is now been turned around to be my fault...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHh...I am so stuck between a rock and hard place..I love him a bunch and when he is happy with a hobby we have a great relationship (if I don't think about how much I have been jipped) but if I say anything even if I do it calmly and adult like he is mad...any advice?
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Old 06-06-2008, 08:46 PM
 
Location: Moon Over Palmettos
5,979 posts, read 19,911,584 times
Reputation: 5102
It's all about control. He wants it, you let him have it. It's time you dug your heels in. Have a good talk...yell if you must, but it's gotta stop. I've been there and was ready to throw in the towel. But we had a long and repeated conversation. It's your money too...you have a say in how it's spent. You could end up with nothing! If he keeps doing this, split up the account. Best of luck to you!
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Old 06-06-2008, 08:51 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,831 posts, read 88,225,886 times
Reputation: 22814
Quote:
Originally Posted by madewluv View Post
...any advice?
Afraid not... Older boys just play with more expensive toys.
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Old 06-06-2008, 08:52 PM
 
11 posts, read 56,197 times
Reputation: 21
too bad he is only 35...he is not old enough for more expensive toys...lol
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Old 06-06-2008, 09:01 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,831 posts, read 88,225,886 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by madewluv View Post
too bad he is only 35...he is not old enough for more expensive toys...lol
If he's able to buy them, then it's still not that bad. I know it's irritating and I've driven my ex insane with my reasonable ways even though he was making way more than I did, but sometimes it's better to put things into perspective. If I were you, I'd make the following calculations: are you gonna be better off on your income alone or not and take it from there...
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Old 06-06-2008, 09:06 PM
 
11 posts, read 56,197 times
Reputation: 21
he is driving us into debt...he spends the money we have for groceries and stuff on fun stuff and then tells me to use the credit card to buy groceries..I think he is betting on the money we will get when his grandparents die...they are in the upper 80's and worth MILLIONS...but I don't want to just spend spend spend and not be responsible..I feel like I have 3 kids and not 2..lol
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Old 06-06-2008, 09:09 PM
 
25,157 posts, read 53,983,629 times
Reputation: 7058
wow. that story is creepy.
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Old 06-06-2008, 09:10 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,831 posts, read 88,225,886 times
Reputation: 22814
Quote:
Originally Posted by madewluv View Post
he is driving us into debt...he spends the money we have for groceries and stuff on fun stuff and then tells me to use the credit card to buy groceries..I think he is betting on the money we will get when his grandparents die...they are in the upper 80's and worth MILLIONS...but I don't want to just spend spend spend and not be responsible..I feel like I have 3 kids and not 2..lol
That's not something I'd recommend and support... Sorry. Reminds me of a saying back in St. Olaf - there isn't money for brandy and this damn woman bought bread!

And does he know for sure he'll get this inheritance? They may very well leave everything to their church, their cats or dogs, or who knows what...
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Old 06-06-2008, 09:23 PM
 
11 posts, read 56,197 times
Reputation: 21
I am almost positive we will get it...it has been talked about openly and it has already been put aside (some kind of account that will have no taxes taken out..) so I don't think that is a problem..however, then how come I can't buy??? how come we are on such a tight budget on food and things we REALLY need?!? grrr..it is making me mad just talking about it..
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Old 06-06-2008, 09:26 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,831 posts, read 88,225,886 times
Reputation: 22814
Quote:
Originally Posted by madewluv View Post
I am almost positive we will get it...it has been talked about openly and it has already been put aside (some kind of account that will have no taxes taken out..) so I don't think that is a problem..however, then how come I can't buy??? how come we are on such a tight budget on food and things we REALLY need?!? grrr..it is making me mad just talking about it..
I don't know about the marriage business, dear... If I did, I'd still be married...
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