Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
This is no joke, I too have a story such as this: I had a deep relationship that lasted 4 years with a woman. It ended terribly back in the mid 1990's. I don't have any photos of her, I threw everything away shortly after we broke up.
HOWEVER, I am reminded of her face due to the fact she looks, or should I say looked like Linda Hamilton in the Terminator 1 movie. The resemblance is uncanny! Sometimes that movie is on tv and that face takes me back to like it was yesterday.
Here's where it gets weird.... I know it's NOT the same person, but she reminds me so much of my "Linda". In fact, many of the facial expressions of the REAL Linda are similar to those of my "Linda" as well. It often triggers vivid memories of the past and it HURTS all over again. It's outright painful and bitersweet all at the same time.
This is most certainly true if it gets triggered during certain times of the year such as late summer & early fall. This is the time when the bad things happened. In addition, It also causes me to start up certain habits such as drinkin and smoking. These are things I haven't done in years, but I'm doing them right now as I write this. I'm having one of those "Linda" Moments and It makes me want to get high as a kite to numb it all out.
Back then, she loved me very much and I loved her the same. It's 15 years LATER... It NEVER goes away. I've learned to just let it run it's course and life will return to "normal" until the "next time".
I don't like the notion of a soulmate because I think that's hokey. However, there may something to the fact that certain lovers have qualities that capture the core of your being and this is what always leaves you to wonder "what if". It's also a great idea to NEVER say things to someone unless you REALLY mean it.
Btw, Garth Brooks has a song called " What she's doing now" Read the lyrics, I'm sure Many of us can relate.
Last edited by It's always 1994; 11-07-2009 at 01:07 PM..
Reason: typos
However, there may something to the fact that certain lovers have qualities that capture the core of your being and this is what always leaves you to wonder "what if".
I agree with the above, there are certain qualities in certain lovers that capture the core of you being. It would be lucky we could spend the life with such a person, and isn't it a wonderful life with a partner like that?
Unfortunately most of us are not that lucky, the OP did a good thing that he settled for a second-best and did not miss the other parts of life - family, kids, good career, etc. He is a wise person and has done the best for him.
There was one guy I dated for 7 years. He broke off from me a couple of times in the middle, then usually he came back to me shortly after. The last break was real hard, he cutoff everything and never talked to me. I think he was seeing someone else at that time and he did not want the new girlfriend to know my existence. He even changed his phone number.
After that, over the three years, I've dated some guys, but feel none of them could even slightly compare to him. And I'm not able have any interest in any of these guys either. It was just no that feelings/passion any more. Most of the time, I sit home alone. I actually thought about him every day. In the first year, i wrote him an email almost every week, telling him how much I miss him. And he seldom responded. And when he responded, he would say he we are not right for each other, and I should move on, etc.
So after a year, I finally stopped writing to him. I'm so glad that I had a better manage of myself now. Till today, I still feel my deepest love to him. That love would never go. But I would never initiate any contact to him any more.
It is also true that he has a huge impact on my life, much than he realizes. Sometimes I think if I can choose, I would rather not met him in the beginning, it was a lot of pain involved along with the happiness.
But deep in the heart I wish him the best, I actually want him to get married to a decent woman, who can take good care of him. But then I was little bit surprised when I learned from a friend that he is still single now, and he is already 40+. He has a good career, a very well-paid job, and intelligent. He can find a young, decent woman easily if he wants to. Then I started to think he might have commitment issues. He is in his early 40s, never married, I assume the girls he dated would be in late 20s, early 30s, most of them would probably want to get married soon. I guess these girls could not hold on too long if he is not willing to commit, even though he is a good marriage candidate. But who knows, he could still marry in his late 40s.
Even though I still think about him every day, I can peacefully accept that he is no longer part of my life any more now. I'm pretty happy that I get over it and move on.
Last edited by throughJump; 11-09-2009 at 01:03 AM..
Status:
"Moldy Tater Gangrene, even before Moscow Marge."
(set 1 day ago)
Location: Dallas, TX
5,790 posts, read 3,599,037 times
Reputation: 5697
Quote:
Originally Posted by throughJump
Even though I still think about him every day, I can peacefully accept that he is no longer part of my life any more now. I'm pretty happy that I get over it and move on.
Great one. Life ought be an adventure - pursuing what you truly love. Excuse the Star Trek line, but the future is "The Undiscovered Country", and you should treat it as such.
Thinking about the past is good ONLY to the extent that it helps you guide your future actions, keep from repeating the same mistakes, etc. Merely reminiscing about a good memory does NO good whatsoever. Would Sarah want Tyler - as a person - to divert attention to her memory at the expense of more important things in life?
I can sure relate to his story.
Its like you meet this person and your very deep part touches his very deep part.
It only happened to me like that with one person and I'm sure I will still be feeling him 20 years from now too.
Its like an empty place that will never be filled.
Very sad but life doesn't always go the way we want it to.
I can relate to this story. I just recently went to a 30 year class reunion. I ran into a man that I have never forgotten I was so in love with him as he was with me. One day in the summer of 1976 he just quit talking to me and I being young didn't understand why. At this reunion I saw him for the first time in 33 years. The connection was still there and I ask WHY? His answer wasn't even close to what I had thought all these years. You see my father thought three years differnce was to much and told him to stay away from me or he would kill him. My father has been gone for 8 years and I am at a loss as to why he would do such a thing. I am single , he is married and has been 32 years and is not happy. He calls me and writes via email... I have told him under no terms to leave because of me. I just want to say when these things happen its painful. I know we would have been married and raised a family together, our lives would have been totally different. Its hard to process when things happen like this, its not pining away its a desire that has never has been able to be put to rest because of someones interference. Ity doesn't mean we don't love our families it just is a sense of loss...
The year was 1988. Acid-washed jeans were all the rage, Mike Dukakis was running for president, and “Sarah” and I were both students at a small liberal arts college in Texas. I was a senior, she was a freshman. We met through a mutual interest in politics--we attended a meeting to revive the moribund chapter of College Democrats. We had an initial attraction that I had never experienced before or since. As we worked on the student club we became closer and fell in love (or at least I did). We were both passionate about politics, has similar likes and dislikes, and the sex was spectacular. But I graduated in May of that year and went back home to Houston. Sarah returned home, too, for the summer (to Dallas). We kept in touch via telephone but a month or so later she broke off the relationship. We talked a few more times on the phone. Sarah made it clear that there would be no reconciliation and that it would be best that if we made a clean break--no ongoing contact, etc. I was utterly devastated. It was 20 years ago--June 1988.
Sarah returned to school in the fall and I moved in with some roommates in town. I heard through a friend-of-a-friend that she was dating someone at nearby Big State University. I ran into her once briefly at the campus bookstore. It was awkward and uncomfortable--little was said and, as it turns out, it would be the last time I ever saw her. The following semester Sarah transferred to Big State U. and I never knew what happened to her after that.
I dated other gals over the years, even fell in love. But I never stopped thinking about Sarah and my feelings for women I subsequently met was nothing compared to that which I had felt for Sarah. I can’t say that a day went by that I didn’t think of her, but certainly a week did not go by that I did think of Sarah. I often wanted to know what happened to her. I dreamt of her frequently (and still do).
My life progressed through ups and downs. I worked for a while after graduating, then went to graduate school, moved across the country, and established my career. I met a lovely woman and we married 10 years ago. We are both successful professionals and have two beautiful children together.
And yet 20 years later I still think of Sarah. In the past such musings just were just pie-in-the-sky daydreams. But, of course, the internet has changed that. Over the past 5 years I periodically Googled her name and didn’t find much (no surprise, really, since I figured she married and changed her name). But recently something came up. I have been able to find her new name and have learned quite a bit about Sarah through publicly available information. She graduated from Big State U. and is married to a successful medical researcher. She’s still a loyal Democrat. She lives in Dallas and has at least one child, and it appears that she’s been a stay at home mom for the past few years after having a career of her own.
The supposed prescription for getting past a break up--focusing your attention and energies on something else, meeting some one new, and (most of all) time, have done nothing for me. I have earned graduate degrees, advanced my career, built relationships, married and had children, established a home, and yet I still long for Sarah.
I dreamt of her again last night and today, 20 years later, I remain deeply torn. I still have feelings for Sarah that defy description yet I know what's past is past. Part of me still yearns for her, but I know this is irrational. At the same time part of me is happy to simply have had the brief moment of bliss with Sarah.
I'm shocked that not a single person in this thread mentioned the twin soul/flame relationship that is most likely at work here. Infatuations FADE with time however someone that meets their twin soul or even someone from their soul mate family will NEVER forget this person and will always have them stuck in their head, especially the twin soul. Google twin soul or twin flame and you'll have a lot more closure for what is going on. I speak from my own experience and I'm posting this 1 post here to hopefully help anyone that stumbles on this thread that is stick stuck pining for an old flame. They may or may not be your twin soul but you owe it to yourself to find out since if they are you'll NEVER get this person out of your head, EVER. That doesn't mean you are meant to be together either however, recongnizing the real underlying issue that is at hand WILL give you closure instead of listening to the advice to just forget about the person, live in the present and forget the past, ect. That is advice coming from people that haven't been awakened yet and are totally clueless to this type of connection. Trust me on this....learn more about it and you'll finally be set free.
Well, this was true love. Something that's sadly rare these days. Reminds me of The Notebook, when Allie's mother took Allie to see her old boyfriend. She told Allie that she loves her father but what she had with that man was true love. Even after all those years, she still loved and thought about that man.
I'm shocked that not a single person in this thread mentioned the twin soul/flame relationship that is most likely at work here. Infatuations FADE with time however someone that meets their twin soul or even someone from their soul mate family will NEVER forget this person and will always have them stuck in their head, especially the twin soul. Google twin soul or twin flame and you'll have a lot more closure for what is going on. I speak from my own experience and I'm posting this 1 post here to hopefully help anyone that stumbles on this thread that is stick stuck pining for an old flame. They may or may not be your twin soul but you owe it to yourself to find out since if they are you'll NEVER get this person out of your head, EVER. That doesn't mean you are meant to be together either however, recongnizing the real underlying issue that is at hand WILL give you closure instead of listening to the advice to just forget about the person, live in the present and forget the past, ect. That is advice coming from people that haven't been awakened yet and are totally clueless to this type of connection. Trust me on this....learn more about it and you'll finally be set free.
Interesting post; so what led you to educate yourself on this?? Have you met your twinsoul?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
