Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
It seems like every 6 months or so this corpse gets dug up........
It's an enduring theme I guess. I went through a bout of it myself a couple years ago. Didn't pan out in my case despite my best intentions...she stood me up for coffee so I sent her an email telling her to go pound sand and then oddly felt a little better about the whole thing. Then in a gigantic bout of irony stumbled across her "Plenty of Fish" profile some time later and had a good laugh at that. She didn't look much like I remembered but was still attractive and seemed nice enough. Bummer it went down like it did but, people are do what they're gonna do and I still found value in the experience after the dust settled.
I'm 33 now and my girlfriend when I was 20 still haunts my dreams and thoughts. Its maddening. Depressing, and painful. But nothing can be done. But your story is something else. Best of luck.
I would certainly not jeopardize the home life of my children by attempting to reconcile with Sarah. Just as importantly, I would not want to do anything to upset Sarah and her family--I would not want to do anything to cause her pain or discomfort. The chance of her wanting to resume a love affair with me 20 years later is zero.
But I simply haven't stopped loving her. And it hurts.
have you tried looking her up on fb or getting a current picture of her? may help put those glowing thoughts i perspective.
No, I haven't. "Tyler Fitzgerald" was a character in an old movie.
A damn good movie actually.
To the OP if you're still here: I have these kinds of feelings for my high school girlfriend, my college girlfriend, and various other women I've known well or not so well (but wanted to). It's perfectly normal. It doesn't interfere with my marriage in any way, my wife is very understanding about my desire to keep in touch with these other women, and in most cases we're all friends anyway in our late middle age.
What would cause a problem is if I were to reconnect, or start to connect, with someone other than my wife sexually - we don't have, or want, an open marriage. But you are not considering that. You're doing fine.
I dreamt of her again last night and today, 20 years later, I remain deeply torn. I still have feelings for Sarah that defy description yet I know what's past is past. Part of me still yearns for her, but I know this is irrational. At the same time part of me is happy to simply have had the brief moment of bliss with Sarah.
I can relate to this, as it sounds very similar to what happened with me, though in my case it was a longer relatinoship -- 4 years (17 to 21), then she wanted to get married -- but I wasn't ready, and told her so -- I still viewed her as the love of my life, I just wanted to be more established than I was at 21 (I hadn't finished college yet, she had) and I wasn't ready to be married; she was even willing to support me while I finished, but my pride wouldn't let me do that. She ended it -- viewed my desire to wait as a sign that I didn't want to be with her -- and she was engaged to somebody else a year later, and then got married. I missed her deeply over the years, and had many, many, dreams about her -- always felt like I had lost my only chance with "the one". I did my best to move on, got married, etc, but that marriage didn't last (and we had no kids). Anyway, many years passed, and many relationships, and I'd still have dreams about her.
After over 20 years had passed, I finally tried to figure out what happened to her, and was able to track her down (found her family email online because her spouse was a soccer coach in a nearby city). I sent her an email -- and we reconnected. Over the course of a few months we exchanged many emails, and a few very long phone calls, and we met once in person (she was in my city on business). She had also had the dreams, and used to wake up at night thinking she was next to me. She and her spouse went to counseling about this. Anyway, we are now FB friends, but little more. This experience (meeting her and talking to her) gave me the closure I needed, and the dreams stopped, completely. It has been over 7 years since I met her again, and not a single dream since then.
In your case -- married with kids -- you probably don't have that same option, though she was married with a kid and met me (no idea if her husband knows) -- but it was innocent, nothing happened.
If nothing else, you might at least try counseling. I know how those dreams feel, and I suspect they aren't good for your marriage. It would probably help you to talk about this with somebody, and counselors can be very good, impartial, listeners.
Crap. I hate responding to a post, and putting a lot of though into it, only to realize the post is years old.
I should pay more attention to the original posting dates...
Don't apologize for sharing!
I enjoyed reading your story.
I have a similar story. I reconnected with the Man of My Twentysomething Dreams a little over a year ago. We were on-off again for several years. I could never seem to pin him down and finally gave up after he broke my heart for a fourth time.
This time, he fell in love with me, madly and passionately. He told me all of the things that I wanted to hear all of those years ago. This time, he was married. Two kids.
He's become the man I always knew he would become in many ways. I knew he would be successful. I knew that he would change the world (and he has, in such a profound way). He's going to leave behind an incredible legacy. He hasn't changed that much, physically. Still looks the same. Beautiful, big green eyes and sexy, smoky voice.
But, he's unhappily married and has been for more than a decade. So that's that. He married the wrong person, and he's admitted that -- but he feels obligated to stay. For the rest of his natural life. Because he made a promise. That's the kind of guy he is.
I feel so sorry for his wife. I wonder if she knows how unhappy he is? I wonder if she knows that the only reason he's still there is because of the kids?
Old ars thread move on old man! date a younger chick!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
