Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
No I know what you mean about people who get into the field, but they are the people who relate. I've had my issues. We all do. I'm gonna talk to him tonight about how it really makes me feel. If he gets angry, then obviously I know it's something more than just a "friend" because if he really truly loves me, then he'll be responsive to my feelings.
I've lurked here a few times, so I finally came across something in my relationship that I'm not sure about. I've been dating this guy seriously for about a month. We've had a platonic relationship for about 6 months previously. I'm totally in love with this guy. I actually knew it from the time I met him six months ago, but I just knew it wasn't right. Come to find out he felt the same way about me, and we've been inseparable as a couple for this past month. He gets me as a person and I get him. It's like being with him makes me feel every relationship previously was "fake" love. So, here's my dilemma....he is in school to become a therapist, so he has quite a few girls that are his friends that go to him for every problem they encounter and they tend to be significantly younger. By all means I'm not offended by this, because I'm in the medical profession as well and I know he has boundaries and would never cross them. But there is this one girl, who had told me about when we first met, and I would make comments about how the girl was madly in love with him, but he said that it wasn't the case. Finally, he sees my point of view after he told the girl that we were dating seriously and she got extremely upset. Now I find the girl texting and calling him more. This morning at the crack of dawn this girl is texting him after we just made love and he responds to her instantly. I'm not the jealous type, but this girl is getting to me. It's the fact that she is purposely trying to cause a rift when there is no rift to be drawn. We are both happy. He says he doesn't want to hurt her because he cares for her as friends, but yet I know if I had a guy texting me all day about anything he would be just as offended. I've tried telling him how it bothers me, but he just assures me there is nothing to worry about. I know there is nothing to worry about, but it still gets to me that she does it. How do I control these feelings? How do I not let something so little not make me want to back out? I'm finally in a good relationship and I just want it work. I don't' want to have to find anyone else, because I just know that this is the person I'm meant for. I'm sorry this is soo long, but if someone could just give me a few pointers, I would really appreciate it.
I would calmly (not in an emotional jealous girlfriend way) explain to him that while you love his sense of compassion for those in need, he will have to learn to set better boundries than he currently has. That he jumped up to respond to her right away at such an inopportune time is NOT a good sign.
Well, a needy "female" friend to the SO can be annoying, but a girl that knows about his relationship with you and STILL pursues him is something else (most likely, she thinks of him as a CHALLENGE, and believe it or not, I have come across girls who like pursuing TAKEN men).
I would do two things:
1. Tell him that you notice that she's been texting and calling him more often SINCE he announced his relationship with YOU, and then ask HIM if he has noticed it too. This may open up a discussion as far as WHY she's been contacting him more often. Some men just see events with a set of horse-blinders, so it may be helpful for you to point out the FACT that she's been contacting him more often since he announced you as his GF.
#2 depends on several things. One scenario may be that he KNOWS that she's been calling more often and ALSO that he knows for sure that this is because she is trying to "get his attention" (you get the idea). IF this is the case, then tell him that it bothers you that SHE is NOT respecting HIS relationship with you, and that a NORMAL, GROWN UP woman would never waste any of her time "trying" to get a taken man's attention. This is NOT about jealousy -- this is about RESPECT,and if she's crossing the line. IF this is the case, tell him to tell her that if she were in your shoes, she most likely would NOT appreciate it either.
Another scenario could be this: just at the same time that he announced you as his GF, she started going through some sort of "big" issues -- tragedy in the family, etc., etc. IF this is the case, then let it go.. this phase of "her contacting him more often than usual" will pass. Like you mentioned, he happens to be the one that his female friends go to for problems. My SO happens to be a similar type of men, and as soon as the problems that his female friend is over, she no longer contacts him (think of it as an ocean wave, it comes and goes).
I think it's option #2. I know it's not #3 for a fact. I think it was waves at first until I came into the picture and he started talking about me to her. He told her he liked me before he even told me. She would call me his "poker buddy" because we both like to go out and play poker tournaments. So, knowing the fact that she won't even accept the girlfriend role let's me know that she pretty much despises me. And you're right it is about respect and I deserve it. Thank you for your words and encouragement. I'm really going to bring this up tonight and I'll go from there.
i agree. I would have a hard time keeping my blood from boiling..haha but would have to take deep breaths and do as love mountains suggested...be calm and assertive about the situation..
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains
I would calmly (not in an emotional jealous girlfriend way) explain to him that while you love his sense of compassion for those in need, he will have to learn to set better boundries than he currently has. That he jumped up to respond to her right away at such an inopportune time is NOT a good sign.
I think it's option #2. I know it's not #3 for a fact. I think it was waves at first until I came into the picture and he started talking about me to her. He told her he liked me before he even told me. She would call me his "poker buddy" because we both like to go out and play poker tournaments. So, knowing the fact that she won't even accept the girlfriend role let's me know that she pretty much despises me. And you're right it is about respect and I deserve it. Thank you for your words and encouragement. I'm really going to bring this up tonight and I'll go from there.
Ok, in that case, then do tell him that what she's doing is DISrespectful, and that:
- SHE wouldn't appreciate it either if she was in your situation, and if another girl is to keep trying for her BF's attention, and
- HE (as in your BF) wouldn't like it either if he is in YOUR situation -- put himself in your shoes.
But there is this one girl, who had told me about when we first met, and I would make comments about how the girl was madly in love with him, but he said that it wasn't the case. Finally, he sees my point of view after he told the girl that we were dating seriously and she got extremely upset. Now I find the girl texting and calling him more. This morning at the crack of dawn this girl is texting him after we just made love and he responds to her instantly. I'm not the jealous type, but this girl is getting to me. It's the fact that she is purposely trying to cause a rift when there is no rift to be drawn. We are both happy. He says he doesn't want to hurt her because he cares for her as friends, but yet I know if I had a guy texting me all day about anything he would be just as offended. I've tried telling him how it bothers me, but he just assures me there is nothing to worry about. (quote)
He tells you this about this certain girl getting extremely upset because he tells her that he is dating you seriously, and your not suppose to be upset by her texting him all day long? Hhmmmmm.... I think after that little incident, I would be very upset.
If you want her gone, laugh about her, your a confident women which I'm sure is what he sees in you amongst other things. No guy is going to chase a women their girlfriend finds inferior.
He tells you this about this certain girl getting extremely upset because he tells her that he is dating you seriously, and your not suppose to be upset by her texting him all day long? Hhmmmmm.... I think after that little incident, I would be very upset.
You're not jealous - you're looking for a solid relationship.
Jealousy is hateful and poisonous.
You want your bf to treat you just as you treat him - with respect and love.
If your bf respects that this bothers you, he'll find a way to stop it, I'd like to think.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
