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About twenty seven years ago I had broken off a relationship that was going nowhere and making me a physical wreck but of all the relationships I had had, this was the most intense and made me grow up. The ex is an entertainer and would write songs about and for me and perform them in his act. We had disgusting pet names for each other and were rarely apart. I found it terribly hard to get him out of my head and heart while dating new people. I found myself talking about him to new boyfriends like an idiot. I actually went to a shrink to see if I could be hypnotized to forget him so I could enjoy my present life. It took almost ten years to completely get over him, but I still have dreams about him to this day and he is still an entertainer. I've been married to someone else now for almost 17 years, completely opposite of the other guy which is a good thing in some ways. Maybe it's because he was my first adult love that it is still bittersweet.
I do not think about any of my ex relationships in terms of wishing I were still with them or wishing my husband was one of them. I love my husband very much and he is the only one who I ever wanted to be with for life. My ex relationships are over for a reason, granted we had good times, there were things that made us incompatable.
After being proposed to by 3 other SO's and rejecting all of them, I do not and have not once questioned my decision on the man I decided to marry. Even if things do not work out perfectly and we do not wind up "together forever" I will still stand by my decision because he is the only man I can look up to, support 100%, stand behind. He is the only person to whom I want to give my everything, we may have our issues or our moments, but I am happy with my decision.
And I know from my husbands family that there is not one person who he has been with that could hold a candle to me, so that makes me feel good about his side of things!
This all makes me kind of relieved that my first love relationship ended badly. I at least was able to go through the stages of grief since it was so clear-cut and the problems were undeniable. I do have fond memories of many of my relationships, but nothing like wanting to be back with any of them, and if I think of an ex it's generally in the context of something that has been brought to my attention and not due to my own ruminating (such as, I don't know, my sister saying she remembers a certain song that we left our boyfriends at the table to dance to, or something like that).
I wouldn't want to live with this "Ohhhhhhh, if only I had stayed with so-and-so" feeling. But on the other hand, I don't want to be on the other side of a person feeling that. I feel like the second-string quarterback: Good enough to have made the team, but not brought in until it became impossible to perform with the first. If that even is what this is. I mean it could be something else entirely; it's just that I'm putting two and two together and I have a general sense that my husband isn't quite...there with me.
Meeting my husband made me realize what losers my previous boyfriends were. Not that I'd change a thing, though - dating them made me part of the person I am today.
So to answer your question, no and no.
JerZ, is it possible that your husband just isn't good at articulating his feelings? It sounds like he loves you very much, but just doesn't know how to show it.
JerZ... I am there with ya, babe... I feel the same way about mine... He's my "one," but I don't think he sees me as his. It makes me feel guilty because I feel like he deserves to be happy, but he's staying here anyway... does that make any sense?
JerZ... I am there with ya, babe... I feel the same way about mine... He's my "one," but I don't think he sees me as his. It makes me feel guilty because I feel like he deserves to be happy, but he's staying here anyway... does that make any sense?
~D
Yes. I often feel the same way. I have even come right out and told him that it's unfair to both of us to be in this situation. But when I do, he backpeddals and tells me that of course he loves me and blah blah blah.
But I mean when it's not there you can just...tell.
jerz, was he ever forthcoming with compliments and adoration in your relationship or has the need just grown over time for you since living in Ca. and being so homesick?
I hate to admit, but I rarely say I love you first and pass out compliments...never really has been my way probably because I didn't have it while growing up. I never believe him when he compliments me but I am still glad he does it, if he means it. Are we ever happy with what we have or is it our unhappiness that just makes us more needy?
Yes. I often feel the same way. I have even come right out and told him that it's unfair to both of us to be in this situation. But when I do, he backpeddals and tells me that of course he loves me and blah blah blah.
But I mean when it's not there you can just...tell.
The most difficult aspect of a relationship is not to truly love...
It's never equal. It's better to be loved, but many of us like "challenges"...
Yes, I know many of those. Often addicted to drama and chaos as well.
But thats not my point, I think anyway as its hard to tell online...
It's easy for people to love others.....but its hard for them to let go of their insecurities and let those others love them. What is it about people that they don't trust or believe that someone loves them as well?
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