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Old 06-17-2008, 05:41 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,218 posts, read 100,308,463 times
Reputation: 40194

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Quote:
Originally Posted by LAFan View Post
I know most women/girls want kids and it makes me sick that they would end the relationship over kids. I don't understand why kids be to make people in relationships happy.

They've made almost impossible to find a girl who is childfree, or even tell if they don't.
You are starting to try my patience, but I'll give it one more try

If NOT having kids is so important to you that you would immediately cut off a relationship with a girl who decided she wanted one, you should be able to understand why a girl who really wants one would NOT invest her time in you. This is really not such a complicated thing.
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Old 06-17-2008, 05:43 PM
 
Location: Kansas
3,855 posts, read 13,225,270 times
Reputation: 1734
Quote:
Originally Posted by LAFan View Post
I know most women/girls want kids and it makes me sick that they would end the relationship over kids. I don't understand why kids be to make people in relationships happy.

They've made almost impossible to find a girl who is childfree, or even tell if they don't.
1) Women don't come with lables attached that describe their attributes.

2) You wouldn't consider a woman who wanted kids. And you would likely end the relationship over that. Why is it so hard for you to understand that they would want to end it because you do not want kids and they do. You do not match up with their life goal.
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Old 06-17-2008, 05:46 PM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
17,758 posts, read 40,010,815 times
Reputation: 18034
Quote:
Originally Posted by LAFan View Post
If I asked a girl these questions, I figure she'd run off. I have no confidence or experience of meeting a girl and ask her these questions. So here it goes...


1) How can a man tell if a woman is not a liar and looks trustworthy?


2) How can a man tell if white women finds black men attractive?

3) How can a man tell if a woman never wants kids?

Become friends with her first. And instead of asking her out to dinner or to a club, invite her to lunch. Stick to daytime activities for a while. Make her laugh. Just take your time in getting to know her.
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Old 06-17-2008, 05:53 PM
 
Location: on the coast of somewhere beautiful
201 posts, read 654,528 times
Reputation: 158
Quote:
Originally Posted by LAFan View Post
I never quite understood why girls who run away if a guy said what I'm stating. It sounds kinda petty.

Maybe I met a good woman, I'll ask in a month or two.

I'll just take a ride around the city, go to dancing clubs that aren't ageist, go to restaurants late at night where no kids are allowed, or go to strip teases.
hmm...okay. You are missing my point. Let me put it into a mock-conversation for you (and you can think that you'll be much better than this- but this is blunt)

Scenario: we're at a grassy park, there's a playground FAR FAR off in the distance, almost out of sight, but definitely within earshot, having lunch.

me: so... I'm glad that you asked me out. I love being in parks on sunny days in the city- it allows you to reconnect with yourself and just makes you feel glad to be alive (ok, not my greatest line, but we're pretending here)

you: yeah. I don't like the kids yelling and screaming over there

me: why not? I can't even hear them.

you: I don't like kids.

me: well...I love kids. I've grown up in a big family.

you: I don't ever want to have them! I don't like them! They're dirty, stinky, messy, and all they ever do is cry!

me: well...initially they might. They also laugh and joke, and bring smiles to some people. Besides, they're over there, WELL out of earshot.

you: I just don't want them. Ever. Not for me.

me: ... Um, ok.

(end scenario)

Now from this conversation, I wouldn't want to go out again, even if you asked me, which judging from one of your prior posts, I'm guessing you wouldn't. However, I wouldn't feel comfortable disclosing WHY I feel the way I do to you at that point either (because it's anonymous I WILL tell you that I was molested by my only living grandparent when I was a young teen- and for me, I don't want that happening to my kid- because the world today is no place for children- no insults please- this is my personal belief and I do NOT expect other people to believe the same things i do). So you see LaFan...there are a TON of things that people just don't feel comfortable disclosing right away. Where you may be upfront about it, many are not and are just not comfortable in that kind of a situation. From my comments, you would think I want kids. However, I never actually said that. You would not get to find out that I love my little brother and think the world of him even though he's only 11. You would jump to a conclusion. People naturally jump to conclusions, thus why I say don't mention it until you've been dating for a few months- I would run away because I dont' want to talk about it with you- as the event was very traumatic for me, and I'd be scared to go anywhere with you that there were children (because I don't want it brought up).

As for places you hang out- you're a fairly smart fellow (confused though and dense- as we all are at some point ) Hang out in places that would have the kind of people you want to meet! If you go to a bar- expect that you will meet people (men and women) who like going to bars. If you go to a club, the same thing. If school is important to you- join a school club (again, another benefit of working part time- you can still participate in these!). If you like staying fit, join a gym and meet people there. The possibilities are endless
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Old 06-17-2008, 06:05 PM
 
1,875 posts, read 2,855,038 times
Reputation: 145
Quote:
Originally Posted by drjones96 View Post
1) Women don't come with lables attached that describe their attributes.

2) You wouldn't consider a woman who wanted kids. And you would likely end the relationship over that. Why is it so hard for you to understand that they would want to end it because you do not want kids and they do. You do not match up with their life goal.
If I had a girl who shared my interests, then I would be alright. No insecurity or nothing.
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Old 06-17-2008, 08:30 PM
 
Location: Oxford, OH
1,461 posts, read 3,640,349 times
Reputation: 834
What is the reason you are so dead set again having kids????????
I tell my kids that they should know someone about two years to really see their character and see them in lots of different situations. You find someone is honest when you see them over a period of time and they prove themselves to be an honest person. You need to see how someone treats their family, see them sick, angry, problem-solving, see their work ethic, their spiritual beliefs, how they want to spend their free time. All of that takes a lot of time and not just conversation. Talk is cheap, you need to see those characteristics in their actions.
Go slow, sounds like you have lots of time.
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