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I just think men are socially retarded. They learn everything about relationships and socializing from their family. If the family is dysfunctional, then you've got a problem, because what frustrates and confuses you is what seems normal and ok to them. Then you've got a lot of mess and a maze of issues to deal with, not just the guy but his issues too.
I would be cautious about feeling "pleasantly surprised". You have given him a choice between continuing your companionship or nothing. He is more likely to say what you wanted to hear, rather than what he really feels. There are many signs that he wants to remain your friend, but perhaps not more.
PS Think about your previous post stating, "I don't give out ultimatums, I just remove myself from the equation."
Apply it in the context of someone who likes you and really wants to remain your FRIEND."Removing yourself
from the equation" is obviously a passive ultimatum.
If he "loved you" in the way you want in a relationship would he have let 15 years pass before contacting you again? Would he continue to offer excuses such as, "I move slow"? He has done some very considerate things for you, but even your posts state, "he has been a good friend to me so far". I certainly wouldn't be presumptuous enough to try to guess what he really feels. However, even though he clearly wants you in his life, it doesn't seem that he is willing or capable of returning your passion.
If you think I have been mean-spirited by being too blunt I apologize. It is difficult to accept, when two people like each other, but on different levels. In your well-meaning effort to advance the relationship, you may be setting up an expectation that cannot be fulfilled. It may be better to face some disappointment now, than to be several years into a more serious relationship that he subconsciously does not want. I wish you good luck in resolving this. It sounds like both of you care for one another, but perhaps in different ways?
I do appreciate and respect your blunt advice. We lost touch simply because he went away to college and I moved out of the country for a fw years. He thought I wasn't returning at all so he never saught me out. He heard through word of mouth that I was around (around the late 90's) but I guess he was living his life as I was living mine. I did question why he was all of a sudden "ready" and he answered that in the past he moved fast only to break off the relationship soon after because he saw characteristics in his new partner that rubbed him the wrong way. So he always believed in moving slowly so that there's consistency and to ensure him that he's making the right decision. I can respect that approach but he should have explained that clearly to me from the onset.
I didn't give him an ultimatum. I told him if things never worked out between us, I would always love for us to be friends and in each other's lives which we agreed. So the fear of losing me etirely was never there. We talked some more and he's convinced me he wouldn't agree to be in something he didn't want so all I can do now is accept him at his word.
Well said. He does sound as if he's got some issues of his own to work out (that don't have a lot to do with you, nikdeji....but of course will now). Hopefully he'll now feel safe enough with you to explore them. At any rate, you'll certainly know sometime soon whether this is a relationship worth remaining in.
I do appreciate and respect your blunt advice. We lost touch simply because he went away to college and I moved out of the country for a fw years. He thought I wasn't returning at all so he never saught me out. He heard through word of mouth that I was around (around the late 90's) but I guess he was living his life as I was living mine. I did question why he was all of a sudden "ready" and he answered that in the past he moved fast only to break off the relationship soon after because he saw characteristics in his new partner that rubbed him the wrong way. So he always believed in moving slowly so that there's consistency and to ensure him that he's making the right decision. I can respect that approach but he should have explained that clearly to me from the onset.
I didn't give him an ultimatum. I told him if things never worked out between us, I would always love for us to be friends and in each other's lives which we agreed. So the fear of losing me etirely was never there. We talked some more and he's convinced me he wouldn't agree to be in something he didn't want so all I can do now is accept him at his word.
Thank you for your response. I wish you both well.
I fear that he is just telling you what you want to hear and then later down the line when you come up to another impasse, it will again require you to bring up the subject or push the envelope in order to get whatever answer you're looking for, and he'll tell you what you want to hear, because you are the one setting the tone for this relationship. You are too available to him, you are the one pursuing him, and you are the one sending mixed messages and not standing up to your own word, and until all those things change, you will find yourself in a start and stop relationship where you are constantly dragging him along with the leash until, in the end, he leaves you and you complain that he's wasted your time and led you on. Experience is a great teacher. It's lessons are painful and free.
I fear that he is just telling you what you want to hear and then later down the line when you come up to another impasse, it will again require you to bring up the subject or push the envelope in order to get whatever answer you're looking for, and he'll tell you what you want to hear, because you are the one setting the tone for this relationship. You are too available to him, you are the one pursuing him, and you are the one sending mixed messages and not standing up to your own word, and until all those things change, you will find yourself in a start and stop relationship where you are constantly dragging him along with the leash until, in the end, he leaves you and you complain that he's wasted your time and led you on. Experience is a great teacher. It's lessons are painful and free.
How is he telling me what I wanted to hear? If that was the case, wouldn't he have told me it long ago?
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no you are wrong. I am a guy. I know everything. 
