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I don't think the OP really has to worry about hurting his feelings, and I doubt the guy will care if she "breaks up with him", because there is really no relationship to end. Just stop accepting his calls and excuses, and find activities to occupy your time. Perhaps give volunteering a shot, that way you are active occupied and do not need his attention to keep you happy.
You must get something out of him continuing this cycle, otherwise you would change your number and make sure that he never got your new number, and would not break down and call him. There are other, better ways to feel needed (see above re: volunteering)
Don't know if this is the proper way to say this but I will: You need to get pounded by someone else and you'll never look back at this loser again. Good luck
I need all the advice I can get thanks in advace! I have been with the same guy off and on for a year. We are both 27, but have know each other since 8th grade. He lies and cheats all the time but always sweet talks his way out of it and I fall for it again then again then I find myself crying and all sad and emotional, then he talks his way to me again. I have changed my number 4 times only to call him back with it I have tried so many times to walk away but it seems impossible. I am a cute girl and could find someone else but I always run back to him. So what the heck is wrong with me?
This guy is actively lying? Cheating?
Do you know that this is Abuse in one of it's highest forms.??
There is not much more painfull than that..
So here is what I did.
I lived with an abuser for several YEARS.
It took several years of counseling, several nightmares AFTER I left him, including 5 PFA's, (I used to call him boomarang, because he kept coming back)
You are an intelligent and perceptive woman, who knows that this is not right, there-fore you were brave enough to come out and reach out for a hand.
Well, I know all the advice in the world won't help, you have got to make YOUR mind up.
It is the fear that keeps us, the only question that you have to answer is What is that fear for you?
Are you afraid that you aren't good enough by yourself?
Are you afraid that you won't find anyone to compare to him in some way?
Are you feeling guilty about hurting his feelings..(remember he is the one who is lying and cheating on YOU)
Nay Nay Nay...
Nay.
Do Not ALLOW him (aka enable ..) him to cheat on you again!
How?
Leave, how?
One day at a time, the same way that you leave a drug , you leave a guy like my x.
I moved, a couple of times..
Changed careers, changed my address to a post office box..
Changed my hair
Changed my car..immediately.
Changed my contact list ( all of HIS friends , were nolonger my friends , and that was a hard one)..I tried it and even though they PROMISED that they had no contact with him, one of them let it slip one day and I realized the TRUTH.
(That slip can cause you alot of trouble too)
The hard truth was that even though I really had an attatchment with some of these people, it was that they were all headed in the same direction that he was (a party party crowd) ..well I wasn't.
So you make new friends, or you find out who your friends really are.
I also started to go to church , and do other things such as learning to paint(remember love always inspires..)
I got to a point in my life where I knew that even though I was not in the least a bad looking girl, that I had to have many other attributes, just like you do.
I mean what if I was burned in a fire or disfigured?
Well , I actually sold quite a few of those paintings and many people liked them.
Prior to that I was in modeling and show business.
Then I went ahead and went back to school..knowing I was going to leave him, I had to have a plan.
(That helps too).
Anyway, I am telling you my story in the hopes that it will save you years of grief , like I had.
Is he possessive? Jealous?
Says he is sorry over and over ?
Don't buy it.
I hope this helps.
This guy is actively lying? Cheating?
Do you know that this is Abuse in one of it's highest forms.??
There is not much more painfull than that..
So here is what I did.
I lived with an abuser for several YEARS.
It took several years of counseling, several nightmares AFTER I left him, including 5 PFA's, (I used to call him boomarang, because he kept coming back)
You are an intelligent and perceptive woman, who knows that this is not right, there-fore you were brave enough to come out and reach out for a hand.
Well, I know all the advice in the world won't help, you have got to make YOUR mind up.
It is the fear that keeps us, the only question that you have to answer is What is that fear for you?
Are you afraid that you aren't good enough by yourself?
Are you afraid that you won't find anyone to compare to him in some way?
Are you feeling guilty about hurting his feelings..(remember he is the one who is lying and cheating on YOU)
Nay Nay Nay...
Nay.
Do Not ALLOW him (aka enable ..) him to cheat on you again!
How?
Leave, how?
One day at a time, the same way that you leave a drug , you leave a guy like my x.
I moved, a couple of times..
Changed careers, changed my address to a post office box..
Changed my hair
Changed my car..immediately.
Changed my contact list ( all of HIS friends , were nolonger my friends , and that was a hard one)..I tried it and even though they PROMISED that they had no contact with him, one of them let it slip one day and I realized the TRUTH.
(That slip can cause you alot of trouble too)
The hard truth was that even though I really had an attatchment with some of these people, it was that they were all headed in the same direction that he was (a party party crowd) ..well I wasn't.
So you make new friends, or you find out who your friends really are.
I also started to go to church , and do other things such as learning to paint(remember love always inspires..)
I got to a point in my life where I knew that even though I was not in the least a bad looking girl, that I had to have many other attributes, just like you do.
I mean what if I was burned in a fire or disfigured?
Well , I actually sold quite a few of those paintings and many people liked them.
Prior to that I was in modeling and show business.
Then I went ahead and went back to school..knowing I was going to leave him, I had to have a plan.
(That helps too).
Anyway, I am telling you my story in the hopes that it will save you years of grief , like I had.
Is he possessive? Jealous?
Says he is sorry over and over ?
Don't buy it.
I hope this helps.
Finally, someone who understands! I knew there had to be someone out there. Your right on about having a plan in motion. I have a close friend who lives in Tampa Bay, and she is more than thrilled to have me give that a shot. I have no kids yet, so Im going to give it a try in 6 weeks. Life is to short to be miserable!!! In the meantime, I have alot of planning, packing and saying good-bye to family and close friends Thanks for your feedback and understanding!
I need all the advice I can get thanks in advace! I have been with the same guy off and on for a year. We are both 27, but have know each other since 8th grade. He lies and cheats all the time but always sweet talks his way out of it and I fall for it again then again then I find myself crying and all sad and emotional, then he talks his way to me again. I have changed my number 4 times only to call him back with it I have tried so many times to walk away but it seems impossible. I am a cute girl and could find someone else but I always run back to him. So what the heck is wrong with me?
This guy is actively lying? Cheating?
Do you know that this is Abuse in one of it's highest forms.??
There is not much more painfull than that..
So here is what I did.
I lived with an abuser for several YEARS.
It took several years of counseling, several nightmares AFTER I left him, including 5 PFA's, (I used to call him boomarang, because he kept coming back)
You are an intelligent and perceptive woman, who knows that this is not right, there-fore you were brave enough to come out and reach out for a hand.
Well, I know all the advice in the world won't help, you have got to make YOUR mind up.
It is the fear that keeps us, the only question that you have to answer is What is that fear for you?
Are you afraid that you aren't good enough by yourself?
Are you afraid that you won't find anyone to compare to him in some way?
Are you feeling guilty about hurting his feelings..(remember he is the one who is lying and cheating on YOU)
Nay Nay Nay...
Nay.
Do Not ALLOW him (aka enable ..) him to cheat on you again!
How?
Leave, how?
One day at a time, the same way that you leave a drug , you leave a guy like my x.
I moved, a couple of times..
Changed careers, changed my address to a post office box..
Changed my hair
Changed my car..immediately.
Changed my contact list ( all of HIS friends , were nolonger my friends , and that was a hard one)..I tried it and even though they PROMISED that they had no contact with him, one of them let it slip one day and I realized the TRUTH.
(That slip can cause you alot of trouble too)
The hard truth was that even though I really had an attatchment with some of these people, it was that they were all headed in the same direction that he was (a party party crowd) ..well I wasn't.
So you make new friends, or you find out who your friends really are.
I also started to go to church , and do other things such as learning to paint(remember love always inspires..)
I got to a point in my life where I knew that even though I was not in the least a bad looking girl, that I had to have many other attributes, just like you do.
I mean what if I was burned in a fire or disfigured?
Well , I actually sold quite a few of those paintings and many people liked them.
Prior to that I was in modeling and show business.
Then I went ahead and went back to school..knowing I was going to leave him, I had to have a plan.
(That helps too).
Anyway, I am telling you my story in the hopes that it will save you years of grief , like I had.
Is he possessive? Jealous?
Says he is sorry over and over ?
Don't buy it.
I hope this helps.
BTDT - make a clean break and get on with your life. You can do better than this. . . let's face it being alone is better than this. Once you leave never look back and never contact him again. He is like an anchor, he's holding you down. As long as he is in your life you won't have the opportunity to meet a guy who will love you and treat you with respect. I'm not saying it'll be easy, but it is the right thing to do if you really want a future with a nice guy.
Become a black or white thinker. No contact. Ever. For any reason.
"Hey baby, what's up? Hit me back."
<ignore>
"Hey, we need to talk."
<ignore>
"I really love you."
<ignore>
"PLEASE CALL ME BACK"
<ignore>
Comes by to see you, "open the door, we need to talk!!!"
<ignore>
"Baby. I need to talk to you. It's not about us. I'm feeling really...bad. Think I'm going to hurt myself/relapse/drink and drive"
<call police and then ignore>
Get what I'm saying, hon? Give it 30 days, he'll back off. Do not speak to him for any reason. ANY reason. This guy obviously knows you and knows how to manipulate you. Let him find someone else to treat like cr-p.
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If you look at the cycle...
I have tried so many times to walk away but it seems impossible. I am a cute girl and could find someone else but I always run back to him. So what the heck is wrong with me?
