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Oh and that being said about what I had to say responding to someone elses comment, I personally never married within my own culture, I married the other mixture of what I am mixed with. The males in my family are pathetic and personally I don't find respectful of women. Some Asian men can be very respectful, I got a very bad taste from my own family) As far as the women go, the whole family are not bad people and they do not just take. I broke away from my family and so did my sister so not everyone is married to their family and as long as you are not married to a Momma's boy which happens in EVERY society, you'll be fine. Me, I, wouldn't be around any man who is a momma's boy, no matter the race!
hello Prinny...I was just wondering why do you detest momma's boy? What is it about them that you don't like? I think it depends on the intensity of being a momma's boy...
I have spent a lot of time in the Far East. I much prefer Asian girls over their Western counterparts.
The Fundamental Truism is this: "You do not marry an Asian girl. You marry her family." You are joining a corporation, All For One, that sort of mentality. Get used to CONSTANT requests for whatever services you provide that the Corporation needs. For instance, a dentist will wind up fixing the entire Corporation's teeth for free. An IT type will resolve all computer issues, gratis. No services on your end? There is always a second cousin who needs $1000 tonight otherwise his gifted son will lose his scholarship.
Thai girls-- perhaps can be generalized, certainly similar to Philipinas-- have a ranking system.
(1) Children
(2) Parents
(3) Other family
(4) Husband
Finally, theirs is a male-dominated society. You cannot change it. Ever read the stories of, for instance, British girls who followed their Middle Eastern husbands back to the Old Country? To discover life as Wife #4 leaves something to be desired. The point is, be supremely aware of cultural issues prior to any irreversible acts.
My $0.02. Good luck on your relationship.
Hello...wow...I think your ranking system pretty much hits home. It's crazy. I have never heard anyone actually put it into words as eloquently as you did. I have observed these qualities in my mom, but I never really quite understood why. And somehow, I feel like I share somewhat the same thinking. I'm not saying it right or wrong...it's just different. I'm currently dating someone of different background than me and I couldn't explain why I "always defend/do things for my family (even extended)". He was not trying to offend them nor has he been malignant towards them, but he noticed that I seem to always put my family before him. And he hopes that things will shift when we get married.
How can I put this nicely - conservative Asians don't want their children to marry outside their race, period. Chinese usually advocate Chinese, and if they don't marry Chinese, at least Asian, and if not Asian, then maybe a Caucasian. There's this whole hierarchy...and I've been sat down at length to talk about it. When I was younger, I was told I should only marry a Chinese girl, then a few years later, it was Asian, and then 10 years after that, maybe Caucasian.
Asians by nature are very unemotional, so it'll be tough for him to understand sometimes what you're going through. I was never embraced by my father, no verbal encouragement or 'I love you's', I've never seen him laugh for more than a minute, never seen him cry. In fact, the only emotion I've ever really seen out of him is pissed off. Whenever I'm near something emotional, it does get really awkward for me. I hate that, but that's how I was raised, so I gotta deal with it.
I agree with the chauvinistic qualities of an Asian male also, and the fact you're marrying into the family. I am probably closer to my family than anyone else in my life, which is fine with me. Well, maybe except for the pops.
You know, this is why it's tough to be an Asian male, because most Caucasian females are attracted to everyone BUT Asian males, and Asian females are more attracted to Caucasians than they are males. But again, you just gotta deal with it.
How can I put this nicely - conservative Asians don't want their children to marry outside their race, period. Chinese usually advocate Chinese, and if they don't marry Chinese, at least Asian, and if not Asian, then maybe a Caucasian. There's this whole hierarchy...and I've been sat down at length to talk about it. When I was younger, I was told I should only marry a Chinese girl, then a few years later, it was Asian, and then 10 years after that, maybe Caucasian.
Asians by nature are very unemotional, so it'll be tough for him to understand sometimes what you're going through. I was never embraced by my father, no verbal encouragement or 'I love you's', I've never seen him laugh for more than a minute, never seen him cry. In fact, the only emotion I've ever really seen out of him is pissed off. Whenever I'm near something emotional, it does get really awkward for me. I hate that, but that's how I was raised, so I gotta deal with it.
I agree with the chauvinistic qualities of an Asian male also, and the fact you're marrying into the family. I am probably closer to my family than anyone else in my life, which is fine with me. Well, maybe except for the pops.
You know, this is why it's tough to be an Asian male, because most Caucasian females are attracted to everyone BUT Asian males, and Asian females are more attracted to Caucasians than they are males. But again, you just gotta deal with it.
So... I'm Asian, does that make me chauvinistic? I suggest whenever generalising, one is wise to use words that import some degree instead of absolutes. E.g. I find "most" etc.
Anyway, try not to generalise where possible. Why dont you just ask him/her about his/her family? What they value, what is the best way to conduct, react, interact with them, in what scenarios etc.
As with anything, the specific circumstances and individual company should always be taken into account.
I understand there will be a need to generalise, and there will be (at times) mistakes made, but going to the best source is vital in minimise the chance of mistake and maximising the best desired outcomes.
I wonder if that is just her, Japenese women, Asian women, or women in general - - or maybe even some guys do it????
It really depends on what expectations have been created with the said parent. If, early on in the relationship, the partner's parent's approval was necessary to make the relationship more enjoyable, and it was never an issue to secure that - then I think any smart person would be wise to get the support of their partner's parents. Who knows, they can prove to be an ally in a minor dispute between the lovebirds. [speaking from experience].
However, if the good relationship with the partner's parents were hard to attain in the first place, then depending on the resolve or constitution of the person, they may simply give up and have a mutual disregard for each other (i.e. person and parent of partner). I think this is fine if the approval of the parents is not a major concern for the person's partner, or if the happiness of the parents are not a concern.
If your partner values the approval/happiness of their parents on your relationship with them (rightly or wrongly), then obviously not making an effort to have good relations with his/her parents will create a tension that is possibly going to end in a zero sum gain.
Ideally, the parents and you will have a cordial relationship where they respect their child's choice, and over time, you grew a mutual respect and appreciation of each other as adults.
To get back to the question posed by 70Ford, Yes, I'm sure there are guys who are concerned about how their partner's parents view them and the relationship that the guy has with their daughter! I would suggest that it would be unwise not to consider the views of an ordinarily major stakeholder (sorry about the business term! LOL) of your girlfriend/wife.
LOL - it's amazing how others can see the patterns which you cant because you're so deep amongst the trees to appreciate the forest (or something like that).
However, as 70Ford said - it is a generalisation, so I'm sure other Thai/Filipinos would violently disagree.
I know someone who loved playing devil's advocate. It wasn't about being nasty, it was just an automatic response. She didn't even know that she was doing it until I raised it! Btw: she's not Asian (not that it matters). It's good to understand the individual.
Here here! I like that you dont generalise. I'm sure there are men in France, Italy, Greece etc that are disrespectful of their women as well. I also know Asian men who are respectful and strongly advocate and support self-determination, assertiveness and ambition within the women that are in their lives.
Last edited by Casual Guy; 06-30-2008 at 01:51 AM..
Reason: Addendum
You know, this is why it's tough to be an Asian male, because most Caucasian females are attracted to everyone BUT Asian males, and Asian females are more attracted to Caucasians than they are males. But again, you just gotta deal with it.
LOL. From personal experience, I agree with you on this one. It's funny because I find it to be (sadly) true... which is why I applaud any body open-mindedly enough to entertain going into a mixed race relationship (including the author of this thread). It shouldn't matter about where their ancestor's hale from. It should only matter about who they are, that you love each other, and that you make each other happy. All the other things can work around this.
Alas, what each person 'love' about another is influenced by their environment, their family, friends, social group, and wider media. I think what you are reporting is the caucasianization of attractiveness for those who are immersed by western-originated media.
That is to say, in the popular media, how everybody views attractiveness is the broadly homogenous blonde hair, blue eyes. I would even argue that, you to an extent, is influenced by this idea of attractiveness (right or wrong) so that you are more open to inter-race relationships. Of course, there will be the exception when a bubbly funny cute sexy Asian crosses your path in life, but more often than not, your perception of attractiveness is the thin long haired blondie with a colgate smile and engaging non-brown eyes.
... or is that me just projecting LOL.
Anyway, I think we can be glad to know that there are now more and more broad minded sexy funny intelligent woman of culturally and linguistically diverse backgrounds whom can see through the traditionally homogenous depictions of attractiveness and masculinity (by western media) to like, love, and immerse in the wonderful individuality of Asian guys (when they deserve such love and attention).
**gets of the podium now**
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