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I'm going crazy figuring this one out. I met this guy about a month ago (I went for drinks with a few friends and one person brought him) and he's honestly one of the most amazing guys I've ever met.
Anyway, he got my number through my friend that night.We went out twice after that for dinner and drinks. The chemistry was amazing. We kissed but didnt sleep together or anything like that
Now here comes the tricky part.
On the 2nd date, he declared us a couple. And this guy is 29years old, law graduate, the kind who subscribes to GQ and Economist and has a whole team working under him. That means to say he's no young boy taking a girl for a ride,no?
Said stuff like "I really like you and think that we make a good pair.You are as amazing today as the first date. I promise to do my very best to be a gd boyfriend to you" That sort of stuff. (he even texted me the same night to reitirate the point. And no, he wasnt drunk. We didnt have any alcoholic drinks that night.)
I thought it was crazy and too fast. I mean I didnt even know him that well. And he wanted me to meet his friends and all.
Anyway,we went out again 2 days after the "confession" and this time around I did sleep with him. He kept saying all this bf /gf stuff but I just took it with a pinch of salt.
is he for real? or just fooling around? Part of me wants to believe he's like me and just got sick and tired of dating around losers. But then again, he's not as committed as he says (my birthday fell 2 weeks after that. Fella didnt even get me anything or offered to meet me on my bday until e very last hour. Even then, he disappeared half-way)
I usually understand (or at least try to) the games men play but this guy caught me off-guard with the whole commitment thing and it now looks as though the whole bf/gf label has cooled off.
So was it just a cheap ploy by him to get me to sleep with him? But we did meet for dinners after that and he even texted me when i was overseas the following week.
I'm going crazy figuring this one out. I met this guy about a month ago (I went for drinks with a few friends and one person brought him) and he's honestly one of the most amazing guys I've ever met.
Anyway, he got my number through my friend that night.We went out twice after that for dinner and drinks. The chemistry was amazing. We kissed but didnt sleep together or anything like that
Now here comes the tricky part.
On the 2nd date, he declared us a couple. And this guy is 29years old, law graduate, the kind who subscribes to GQ and Economist and has a whole team working under him. That means to say he's no young boy taking a girl for a ride,no?
Said stuff like "I really like you and think that we make a good pair.You are as amazing today as the first date. I promise to do my very best to be a gd boyfriend to you" That sort of stuff. (he even texted me the same night to reitirate the point. And no, he wasnt drunk. We didnt have any alcoholic drinks that night.)
I thought it was crazy and too fast. I mean I didnt even know him that well. And he wanted me to meet his friends and all.
Anyway,we went out again 2 days after the "confession" and this time around I did sleep with him. He kept saying all this bf /gf stuff but I just took it with a pinch of salt.
is he for real? or just fooling around? Part of me wants to believe he's like me and just got sick and tired of dating around losers. But then again, he's not as committed as he says (my birthday fell 2 weeks after that. Fella didnt even get me anything or offered to meet me on my bday until e very last hour. Even then, he disappeared half-way)
I usually understand (or at least try to) the games men play but this guy caught me off-guard with the whole commitment thing and it now looks as though the whole bf/gf label has cooled off.
So was it just a cheap ploy by him to get me to sleep with him? But we did meet for dinners after that and he even texted me when i was overseas the following week.
Anyone?Help!
I would say, Yes it was a ploy.........but that's just my negative little self talking?!..........whether unintentional or intentional the same results occurred.......you feel used and unappreciated. I would share your thoughts with him and if that doesn't go over well.............it's time for you to cool off!
Time will tell..
Talk is cheap and you have to watch his character over some time to see who he really is. It's so easy to "jump" when your emotions are involved, slow down and look and listen.
Personally speaking, that kind of talk that early on would have sent up red flags for me. I think anyone who thinks that serious that early on has some kind of issue. For you, the deed is now done, did you have a good time? You might just have to chalk it up as experience. Maybe in his mind he did do those things to get you in the sack, OR maybe after you slept with him he lost interest. It happens. Either way, I say you cut your losses and keep dating - sounds like the guy is hot and cold and not warm at all.
I guess the question I have is: has he talked to you after you two had sex, or has it tapered off to almost nothing? Hard to understand what he's doing without knowing what happened after (or make the assumption he just said it to get you into bed... not he's not talking, etc.)
But, first let's say that a good education and good job don't always equate to a good guy. The good education could come from good parents. Good job could come from good shmoozing or the ability to step on people to get what you want. (Not always the case, but it is in some instances). When I was in the Navy, I worked in the intelligence community. You'd think with clearances, etc. our profession would be one of the most vetted... but I've seen my share of freak people slip through the cracks. Just a possibility that has to be considered.
Second thing I would mention is that even though there was a warning flag in your head, you still went to bed with him. Now, I can't speak for him, but when I got to the point of sexual intimacy with a woman, it meant that I was monogamous to her. And, in most cases, I expected that monogamy back from her. If you weren't sure if you were "boyfriend and girlfriend" you might have just sealed it for him.
Now, not knowing either of you, these are generalizations and may not apply. My recommendation is to tell him how you feel (honest, but polite). Let him know you were a little unsure about him jumping into it so fast. If you've read other threads in this forum, we guys are not always the brightest bulb in the hall. Sometimes you think you might be behaving in a way that is telling us to slow down, but we don't respond as well to non-verbal cues as you all might hope! At the risk of sounding like an alarmist, just as a precaution, I would meet for lunch somewhere when you have this discussion. Just in case he doesn't respond as well as you would hope.
You have to make sure that you are in control of what you want from the relationship. It should progress only as fast as both of you want it to go.
Yep....I would just tell him that you were cut up in the moment, and moved too fast. I would let him call you. If he is THAT interested, he will.
If not, move on.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by princ3ss06
On the 2nd date, he declared us a couple. And this guy is 29years old, law graduate, the kind who subscribes to GQ and Economist and has a whole team working under him. That means to say he's no young boy taking a girl for a ride,no?
Is this the first lawyer you've dated???
It sounds like you are describing every "successful lawyer" I've ever met. Is he an only child? He sounds like an only child.
An only child with a law degree makes a poor partner because he doesn't understand interpersonal relationships, feels that the world revolves around him, and his law background and go-getter nature dictates that he will aggressively prosecute any situation, including a prospective girlfriend, and will say anything to get what he wants (hence the whirlwind and outrageous proclamations).
Success and personal responsibility are not necessarily joined at the hip. I've known way too many professional successes who were complete failures as family men.
Personally speaking, that kind of talk that early on would have sent up red flags for me. I think anyone who thinks that serious that early on has some kind of issue. For you, the deed is now done, did you have a good time? You might just have to chalk it up as experience. Maybe in his mind he did do those things to get you in the sack, OR maybe after you slept with him he lost interest. It happens. Either way, I say you cut your losses and keep dating - sounds like the guy is hot and cold and not warm at all.
Sorry girl, but you got used. There are so many men like that in the DC area (Smart, educated, accomplished, suave) that will take advantage of the low price of words to woo a girl into bed.
Just be careful next time.
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At the risk of sounding like an alarmist, just as a precaution, I would meet for lunch somewhere when you have this discussion. Just in case he doesn't respond as well as you would hope.
