I want to know what you think (date, girlfriends, lesbian)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Hi everyone,
I am a 35 year old single female. I date occassionally but I still have not found the one. I am determined not to settle as many of my girlfriends have. I do believe there is someone out there for me I just haven't met him yet. And honestly I am perfectly happy by myself. I enjoy life and have accomplished alot on my own. I have a good job ,my own house ,car and take care of my finances. My question is this....I have been seriously thinking about having a baby. I don't want the fact that I haven't met the one to keep me from experiencing the joy of having a child. When I was younger ( in my 20's) I always thought I had plenty of time but the years go fast. At first I thought of adopting but after giving it some thought I think I would prefer to have my own child. I have a close male friend who I have known since I was 19. We have dated in the past but for what every reason we just never had a serious relationship. But we have always remained friends. Anyway,we are thinking of having a baby together. We do not have a relationship but he wants a child and I want a child. He has always been there for me and I believe he would be a good responsible father. What do you think....I welcome all advice. And if we do this should I get something in writing as far as child support,responsiblities,etc.
Hi everyone,
I am a 35 year old single female. I date occassionally but I still have not found the one. I am determined not to settle as many of my girlfriends have. I do believe there is someone out there for me I just haven't met him yet. And honestly I am perfectly happy by myself. I enjoy life and have accomplished alot on my own. I have a good job ,my own house ,car and take care of my finances. My question is this....I have been seriously thinking about having a baby. I don't want the fact that I haven't met the one to keep me from experiencing the joy of having a child. When I was younger ( in my 20's) I always thought I had plenty of time but the years go fast. At first I thought of adopting but after giving it some thought I think I would prefer to have my own child. I have a close male friend who I have known since I was 19. We have dated in the past but for what every reason we just never had a serious relationship. But we have always remained friends. Anyway,we are thinking of having a baby together. We do not have a relationship but he wants a child and I want a child. He has always been there for me and I believe he would be a good responsible father. What do you think....I welcome all advice. And if we do this should I get something in writing as far as child support,responsiblities,etc.
I think you can give it another 5 years or so before resorting to such an arrangement.
You know, I don't think this sounds like a bad idea.
I would strongly suggest getting everything in writing - how much is he going to pay, can either of you move, who will the child live with during summers, etc. Something like a divorce/custody arrangement.
But I know what you mean - you're not in a relationship and you don't have tons of time. And if you were to get in a relationship, it might be years before you decide to have children. And it sounds like you are both financially stable.
I'd give it 5 more years too. What happens if you get pregnant tomorrow and meet someone you really click with next week? You'll miss out on the bliss of the new relationship because you'll be pregnant with someone else's baby.
I understand your frustration. I was 34 when I met my husband and had thought about the same issues. But you're not "out of time" yet. Be patient and keep your options open.
i had this same situation with a friend who was afraid she would not have a family by the time she wanted one. we have known each other for years, since we were in our teens. we have supported each other thru it all. after a string of eventual bums didnt work out, she decided it was time for a child, and she asked me for help. she had originally said by 33, but as life is you someitmes have to wait a bit longer.
she is a great mother and i knew she would be. if i didnt, i dont think i would have been on board. with that said here are things to consider...
how will the baby view the male person? is he the father? is he a family friend? is he a sperm donor? in what capacity are you ready to have this man around? is the expectation here to become a "family unit"? or just two people raising a child?
will you live together? what if either of you find someone to marry? what about other kids?
who pays for what?
what about the rest of your respective families. will they be involved? do you think they would push you two to marry?
with normal parenting you have expectations, that arent always met of course. but who stays with the baby? is there a stay at home momy? daddy? are you sure that your friendship is strong enough to bridge any differences for the sake of the child? vaccinations? diet? names?
really evaluate how this person would be with a child. wanting one and knowing what to do with one are completely different.
at the same time, you still have some years left. you just might find someone to make a family with. or it could be this guy...
on a side not. a recently married lesbian couple just asked me to father with them... i have known them for a while... but i think here i would just be an "uncle". who knows. but this is stuff you have to think about.
what will the capacity of the male be and what will you tell the child eventually?
One other intangible at this time. If you keep the relationship with this guy, what happens if the 'other' guy comes along.
Of course, it would be great if he would just jump on board and completely agree with what you did and go along with whatever role you want from him with regards to your child. But... if this guy you will eventually meet (let's be optimistic ) is really great... the child may start to look at him as "dad." In fact.. depending on when you meet, the child may even start to call him dad. Is that okay with your friend? If not, might the guy who you will eventually settle down with be hurt that you don't want/need him in that role?
Just some other things to consider... I put my vote in for waiting. But I understand that you are at a point in your life where you are ready.. but remember what the child may go through in the future (2 dads... how the men will get along, etc.)
Thank you for all of your opinions. I know I still have time so I am thinking if by 37 I have not found the one this would be an option. As I stated my friend and I have dated in the past so you never know what will happen but there would not be any expectations for us to necessarily marry. We could have the child and if we don't work out we would just move on. I would tell the child that her/his father and I had a relationship that resulted in a beautiful child but our relationship did not work out. If I meet somebody else and we marry they would be the step-parent as with so many marriages today. The child's father would always be a part of the child's life. I would expect the child's father to play the role of a responsible father regardless of his relationship with me. I guess,I don't see this arrangment being any different from single-parent homes which is the norm nowadays.
One rarely sees a post so stunningly, jaw-droppingly selfish.
No mention of marriage to the father. What will you say to the child when (s)he is sitting on your lap, crying, and asks, "Why doesn't my daddy love me?" Other kids have daddies to take them places, teach them how to throw footballs, roughhouse with. But not yours. And when single motherhood is no longer fun? Do you sue the father for 18 years of child support?
You have bought into the Murphy Brown fantasy. Good luck on this. But first you might search on "real life murphy browns."
Bummer that you made the choice you did when you were young-- family can wait, I have all the time in the world. Now that the "human wave" of males attracted to your youth has subsided (forever) you want to change your mind?
If you want to see things grow, raise chickens. Baby does not equal doll.
Hi everyone,
I am a 35 year old single female. I date occassionally but I still have not found the one. I am determined not to settle as many of my girlfriends have. I do believe there is someone out there for me I just haven't met him yet. And honestly I am perfectly happy by myself. I enjoy life and have accomplished alot on my own. I have a good job ,my own house ,car and take care of my finances. My question is this....I have been seriously thinking about having a baby. I don't want the fact that I haven't met the one to keep me from experiencing the joy of having a child. When I was younger ( in my 20's) I always thought I had plenty of time but the years go fast. At first I thought of adopting but after giving it some thought I think I would prefer to have my own child. I have a close male friend who I have known since I was 19. We have dated in the past but for what every reason we just never had a serious relationship. But we have always remained friends. Anyway,we are thinking of having a baby together. We do not have a relationship but he wants a child and I want a child. He has always been there for me and I believe he would be a good responsible father. What do you think....I welcome all advice. And if we do this should I get something in writing as far as child support,responsiblities,etc.
This is a really slippery slope to stand on - I would not recommend it at all. God forbid your child should be handicapped in some way - especially a handicap requiring constant care 24/7 - you just have no idea what you could be getting yourself into without a solid marriage. Plus, a child's purpose in this life is not to fulfill our needs - which you seem to be seeking - but a way for US to fulfill anothers total needs. It is the biggest JOB you will ever have in your life and is not for the faint of heart. Every child deserves the best, is this the best you can give yours???
One rarely sees a post so stunningly, jaw-droppingly selfish.
No mention of marriage to the father. What will you say to the child when (s)he is sitting on your lap, crying, and asks, "Why doesn't my daddy love me?" Other kids have daddies to take them places, teach them how to throw footballs, roughhouse with. But not yours. And when single motherhood is no longer fun? Do you sue the father for 18 years of child support?
You have bought into the Murphy Brown fantasy. Good luck on this. But first you might search on "real life murphy browns."
Bummer that you made the choice you did when you were young-- family can wait, I have all the time in the world. Now that the "human wave" of males attracted to your youth has subsided (forever) you want to change your mind?
If you want to see things grow, raise chickens. Baby does not equal doll.
Yes, the child will be bewildered. One .... parent...........can .... not .....compute....
If only there were other children out there with only one loving, devoted, parent! Then it would all make sense!
Poor, poor child. It must be hard to have two people who went to extreme measures just to have you.
In other words - give me a break. She's not some welfare lady who got knocked up. She's a financially stable, realistic 35-year old who wants to love a child. And she's not going to the sperm bank, but found another person who wants to be a parent! That kid is coming into better situations than most.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
) is really great... the child may start to look at him as "dad." In fact.. depending on when you meet, the child may even start to call him dad. Is that okay with your friend? If not, might the guy who you will eventually settle down with be hurt that you don't want/need him in that role? 
...
