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I have two sons 12 and 10 who live with their father. Currently, he is married to his second wife. He fathered a child with her before we were divorced. (During our 12 year marriage, he began an affair with her and she had two abortions prior to this third pregnancy).
Due my sons have a right, in the future, to know the true story behind the break up of my marriage with their father?
I have two sons 12 and 10 who live with their father. Currently, he is married to his second wife. He fathered a child with her before we were divorced. (During our 12 year marriage, he began an affair with her and she had two abortions prior to this third pregnancy).
Due my sons have a right, in the future, to know the true story behind the break up of my marriage with their father?
If they ask... I would say "yes." And I'm sure as they grow, the question will probably surface.
One potential note here. If they live with him... there might be some bias towards him. When you tell them... don't make it emotional or accusatory, because that may distance them. Additionally, if they don't believe you at first, give it time. I'm not saying your ex is a lowlife... but you don't know what he might have already told them and what they have accepted as reality.
But if they bring it up with you... I would say "tell them the truth."
Just curious... do you have a "polite" relationship with your ex? Have you asked him if they have already asked? Or... did you discuss what either/both of you will tell them if they do?
If you tell them because you are trying to discredit their father or reduce his stature in their eyes, then don't. No matter how much their father hurt you, he is still their father and his relationship with them is separate and distinct than their relationship with you. He betrayed you, not them.
I have two sons 12 and 10 who live with their father. Currently, he is married to his second wife. He fathered a child with her before we were divorced. (During our 12 year marriage, he began an affair with her and she had two abortions prior to this third pregnancy).
Due my sons have a right, in the future, to know the true story behind the break up of my marriage with their father?
Your children do have rights - the chief one being the right to be protected from information harmful to their emotional and spiritual development.
PLEASE, be the better parent and protect your children from this information until they are well into adulthood. There is nothing to be gained from them knowing the sordid details of their fathers choices, and much to be lost. If they ask you direct questions now I would say do your best to remind them that you both love them and that adult matters are private between adults.
I think that we as parents and adults should weigh the situation before we make any decision. As a parent, I will not participate in any action that I would be ashamed of my children knowing about. If your children's well-being was in mind, there never would have been an affair. Your ex made the decision that it didn't matter to him a long time ago. It surprises me that you do not have custody.
I think that children have every right to know what tore their family apart. As several previous posts have stated, I think that you need to weigh your motives before you do tell them. I would hope that you are over any bitter feelings and it appears as though you are since there are not any swear words describing your ex or his new SO.
I think that we as parents and adults should weigh the situation before we make any decision. As a parent, I will not participate in any action that I would be ashamed of my children knowing about. If your children's well-being was in mind, there never would have been an affair. Your ex made the decision that it didn't matter to him a long time ago. It surprises me that you do not have custody.
I think that children have every right to know what tore their family apart. As several previous posts have stated, I think that you need to weigh your motives before you do tell them. I would hope that you are over any bitter feelings and it appears as though you are since there are not any swear words describing your ex or his new SO.
What possible good could come from a CHILD knowing what tore his family apart???? Are you crazy? This is a very bad idea. Most likely the child already knows more than he should. Protecting him until he is older is the responsible thing to do. Or maybe you haven't notice all the screwed up young people, many of them posting here, who knew too much too young about their parents indiscretions???? COME ON!
What possible good could come from a CHILD knowing what tore his family apart???? Are you crazy? This is a very bad idea. Most likely the child already knows more than he should. Protecting him until he is older is the responsible thing to do. Or maybe you haven't notice all the screwed up young people, many of them posting here, who knew too much too young about their parents indescretions???? COME ON!
Okay, calm down. Breathe in, breathe out.
She stated that her children were 10 and 12, not 2 and 5. Also, I believe she asked for the future. Not trying to offend anyone here, but if someone doesn't want their kids to have to experience something or to know about it, they shouldn't participate in that sort of activity anyway.
Call me old fashioned, but I believe in consequences for one's actions. Whether they happen right away or once the child is grown up.
And yes, it is very possible in this day and age that I am crazy, but being as I have never exhibited any signs of craziness, I am still out and about and no one is "coming to take me away".
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