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i've been putting off cleaning the pool for a while now, i finally cleaned/scrubbed half the tiles late yesterday evening and decided to finish tiles and brushing walls today. But wait, unknowing to me, my wife took a phone call and allowed distant relatives to come over to swim. btw, they were here on sunday (2 days ago.) She also allowed her 19yr old son to have his guy-friends over to swim as well. She also allowed him to have his girlfriend over all day today while we were at work. (without my knowledge). i don't mind having them over, but i do mind when it becomes an inconvience. I got upset because she knew i wanted to finish the pool, she also neglected to ask me if i felt like having company over. (something i would never do).
i was also upset because a day earlier, her son gave me a really hard time getting the pool together. i asked him to help me at 3pm he finally came outside at 6:30pm with pijamas on. After i asked him to change his clothes, he returned and left me outside by 7pm. So i thought i was doing the right thing by telling him he can't have friends over today because we have to finish the pool. His mother,(my wife) went totally against my judgement and told him his friends can come over.
i'm tired. im fed up. i'm disgusted by some of her judgement calls. i'm tired of holding back but i really want my marriage to work and i'm willing to do anything but i'm running out of patience. i've tried several times to bridge the communication gap. i would like to hear you advice and comments. Am i being to immature here? too petty?
You're not. You need to make her aware that her lack of communication and lack of consideration for your sensitivities is really hurting you. Write her a letter. Gets through better. Less chance for fights.
I dont think you are being immature.. have you talked to her about it? Talking to her about it.. and asking for some help is not above what is acceptable..
Basically I would tell her I didnt feel she was supporting me in trying to get that task accomplished..
Tell her how you feel.. but try to keep the "you" out of it and use "I". "you" tends to bring up the defense walls rather fast..
You mentioned several times in your post...HER son. If you are married to her, then HER 19 yr. old son, would make you his step father.
Anyway, my advice would be to just try to keep the communication open and let her know how you feel. I know that you said you have already tried that, but without communication and a sense of understanding and compromise in a marriage, what is there left?
I think that since you ask the boy to help you with the pool and he didn`t, then he should not have been rewarded for it the next day.
You should have set a boundry and said," The pool is closed until I can get it done."
Just my playing Dr. Phil watcher here. If my husband were to take our problems to a message board without sitting down w/ me to discuss them and work them out and vice versa, there would then be serious problems. This shows me a lack of communication. Not just in this issue w/ the pool and her son which is your stepson but he is part of your family and you need to be able to communicate w/ your wife.
Now if I chatted w/ stranger about personal relationship problems I was having w/ my husband it would show him a lack of respect if I didn't work them out between he and I. I am not trying to give you a hard time. I am saying you two need to communicate w/ each other. If you have a 19 yr old s/son then likely you are in the at least 38 yr old range at least. Please try to work w/ your wife on this. Communication is key. You and she need to come first. I hope it can be worked out. Marriage is the best most wonderful union and love is great!
Foolinlove - How long have you been married? Did you both move into this house as equals or did one of you have it before the marriage? Are you the only one that cares if the pool is scrubbed?
miu has a good point and I know you foks probably don't want to hear about Dr. Phil, but he also talks about people's roles in a marriage. So, who has the responsibility of cleaning the pool? Everyone has a role. Ok, I'll go on my way till the next post comes in. Just wanted to say hi to miu.
miu has a good point and I know you foks probably don't want to hear about Dr. Phil, but he also talks about people's roles in a marriage. So, who has the responsibility of cleaning the pool? Everyone has a role. Ok, I'll go on my way till the next post comes in. Just wanted to say hi to miu.
I think Dr Phil needs to clean his own pool first before spewing any kind of advice...
He gives great advice to help people who are in trouble. Anyone who can help a troubled relationship I am for. I wish I could help this gentleman and his wife but when it comes to couple I think the best advise I can give is that he should work it out between the two of them by communication. Sorry you don't care for Dr. Phil.
I think Dr Phil needs to clean his own pool first before spewing any kind of advice...
Actually, miu's questions about the house are very legitimate and relevant.
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