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My 2 cents, after finally breaking free from a man that I loved to death, but was a very manipulatively skilled and pathological lier, is this :
This is not the second time he's been wandering, this is merely the second time you've caught him. If the first time he had any consideration for the intensity that his actions caused you emotionally, even out of respect, he wouldn't be doing it again.
It breaks my heart to swing on the side of splitting up a family (since you mentioned that you have a small child) but my vote would be to leave, before the bomb drops. Sure, he's just curious. He'll keep being curious. You'll keep being furious with yourself, that you can't trust a word out of his mouth, and will hold it against him whether you realize it or not, and one of these days.... you're going to wake up and realize the difference between not wanting to leave him, versus not wanting to abandon the dream of the happy loving marriage that you "thought" you had with him, that you continue to fight for on a daily basis.
Unplugging the computer or telling him not to listen to howard stern, or standing over his shoulder while he deletes that particular account is rather pointless... what is he, 4?
*hugs* I'm here as somebody totally random but willing to help if you need to talk.
***Edited to include*** For the record, I just visited their sight, and all I had to fill out to look at the advertisements from people, were my age, race, and whether i was male looking for female, or vice versa. It took me all of 5 seconds, there is an option to go back and give further detail on your own later ~ he will always have a reason that is just plausible enough to defend his actions and cover for what he is doing that is hard if not impossible to verify, the scary part is determining how many of them you let pile up before you stop looking the other way and giving him the benefit of the doubt.
What is love when there is no trust? He did this once, shame on him. He did this twice.....
No one is going to tell you to leave him honey, they can only tell you what they would do. Because if he doesn't want to change, why are you still giving him another chance?
I was going to post, but Marylandkitten has said it all.
I have been there. If I could go back all over again I would have left when my kids were young, as it would have been easier on them, rather than sticking it out for a decade, hoping he'd change, and having to 'watch over' him like he was another child. It wasn't just this sort of thing, it was this sort of thing plus chronic lying and drinking and blowing the rent and so forth. In the end I had been maintaining this "facade" of happiness by keeping control of the bank card, the car keys, the bills, and never ever looking on "his" computer and never ever emptying his pockets to do laundry for fear of what I'd find. And, in the end I finally had enough, after years of begging, crying, and getting nowhere but suckered every time by promises that he'd change. Therapy never did anything for him because deep down he didn't think anything was WRONG with his behaviors, and in his mind I was just a controlling nag and his promises were only appeasements. I don't think I did my kids any favors by pretending everything was okay for all that time and for being miserable and paranoid for all those years.
And I agree... if you've caught him twice, imagine all the times he got away with it? He is showing you zero respect, even if he hasn't 'done anything' physically. I am willing to bet that if he hasn't it's just a matter of time.
I recently found out that my husband joined a sort of dating service called Ashley Madison. For those of you who don't know, it is advertised quite a bit on Howard Stern's show, it's a dating site for people who are in committed relationships or married. Yuck, I know. The line I was given from him was that he was just curious about what type of people are on there? Apparently you have to fill out this whole bio on yourself, yada yada, he was looking for something short term? He said that you had to fill in that part to look around. He also said that he hears it all day long as he listens to Howard Stern and was just curious, again.
Last year I almost left him for soing something similar to this, he also said that nothing has ever happened-never cheated. He also went to therapy for a year for the last time.
I could really use some unbiased opinions on this matter. It is entirely to embarrassing to talk to my friends or family about. What would you do? Please advise.
That's very sad, I'm so sorry to hear about this. I imagine you stumbled across it without any warning. Talk about a slap in the face. As for his response? He's been caught and is trying to cover up so that it doesn't look as bad. If he's been in therapy, it sounds like he may have an addiction. In that case this will most likely progress and get worse.
I wish you well and send you comforting vibes your way.
I recently found out that my husband joined a sort of dating service called Ashley Madison. For those of you who don't know, it is advertised quite a bit on Howard Stern's show, it's a dating site for people who are in committed relationships or married... The line I was given from him was that he was just curious about what type of people are on there? Apparently you have to fill out this whole bio on yourself, yada yada, he was looking for something short term? He said that you had to fill in that part to look around.
That is ridiculous. First of all, Howard Stern is ridiculous and an overpaid pervert. Who cares what people are on the website? Other people's lives are irrelevant unless they directly impact your own. If he listens to the show, he knows who cheats on their partner. He shouldn't even being listening or watching Howard Stern in the first place, in my opinion. If he isn't cheating now, I am almost certain there is an intention.
Not to make you paranoid but this is a recent story that came out in the news. His addiction got out of hand:
I would recommend seeking marriage counseling if you want to work this out and he is amenable. Good luck, I am sorry to hear about the pain this must be causing you.
I could see going on the website if you're curious...
but to join and fill out the profile? PLEASE...he wanted to see who / what goes on in there. If he didn't have some interest, he would have given up when it made you fill it in.
By filling out the profile, you put yourself at risk that someone will contact you...and then the temptation is there.
I would leave...He knows how you feel about the issue and still went behind your back, was dishonest and did the same thing that got him in trouble in the first place. I personally would not want to stay in a dishonest relationship... If he was truely curious,,,why didn't he come to you first,,,and say hey I heard about this on Stern and I want to check it out...Is that OK with you? Or even invite you to check it out with him...
Location: Visitation between Wal-Mart & Home Depot
8,309 posts, read 38,766,834 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yankeegirl313
It sounds like your husband needs to be disconnected from the computer.
This has happened more than once, so that should be a "heads up" for you!
Yanking the computer is just treating a symptom.
To the OP: He's saying "Never cheated" and it may be true, but it sounds to me like he's actually saying "I haven't cheated yet." I think this is bad news.
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