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Or tell your husband that you'll grow the long hair if he'll give you a concession: lose the beer gut, shave his beard, etc....
Men love long hair. My ex-husband (and now best friend) was shocked when I cut my long locks off after taking a warehouse management position (no a/c) years ago. He said he felt like he was laying in bed with a boy. I understood where he was coming from. I slowly grew it back and actually just cut another 7 inches off to make it just below the shoulders.
Don't be too upset. Just be happy that he's communicating with you, even if he doesn have a direct approach. Mine never could talk to me much. ugh!
This statment is ridiculous. It is not anyone's responsibility to make another person feel ok with themselves. Very dysfunctional thinking.
Yes and no. Yes, I think that our loved ones are there to support us, but no, they shouldn't be our crutch either. In a good combination, our s/o's compliment and balance each other out well. But they are not there to complete us, be our crutch or hold our hands while we wallow with our low self esteem issues. I think that he accepts and loves her totally for who she is, but she is the one that isn't happy with her own self image. And none of us, especially her husband are mind readers. I really think that his long hair remark was made in pure innocence and not meanness, and that he is truly still attracted to his wife.
This statment is ridiculous. It is not anyone's responsibility to make another person feel ok with themselves. Very dysfunctional thinking.
Think whatever you want. I am not dysfunctional and my husband isn't either. I don't say things to make him feel bad and he does not say things to make me feel bad. Perhaps I'm taking your statement a little too senstively, but I really don't appreciate being told I have dysfunctional thinking.
Think whatever you want. I am not dysfunctional and my husband isn't either. I don't say things to make him feel bad and he does not say things to make me feel bad. Perhaps I'm taking your statement a little too senstively, but I really don't appreciate being told I have dysfunctional thinking.
I'm sorry if I upset you. It is my opinion that a statement like that comes from a dysfunctional way of seeing things. Just my opinion
Last edited by mlammons; 07-07-2008 at 03:26 PM..
Reason: misspelling
Yes and no. Yes, I think that our loved ones are there to support us, but no, they shouldn't be our crutch either. In a good combination, our s/o's compliment and balance each other out well. But they are not there to complete us, be our crutch or hold our hands while we wallow with our low self esteem issues. I think that he accepts and loves her totally for who she is, but she is the one that isn't happy with her own self image. And none of us, especially her husband are mind readers. I really think that his long hair remark was made in pure innocence and not meanness, and that he is truly still attracted to his wife.
The man I was speaking of was NOT my husband. He was not what you would call a traditionally good looking man but I loved him more then anything and I never commented on his weight which went up while we were together, I never commented on the FULL beard he insisted on wearing, looking like the unibomber, I never said anything about the body hair to him, I never said anything about his shortcomings in the bedroom, I never judged him in that way. I loved him as he was. It was only after the relationship was over that I started looking at the evolution of his appearance and started to wonder if he was not depressed in our relationship because of how he took care of his personal appearance. AND realized that maybe he came from a family where the man CONTROLS the woman and that is what he needed to feel good about a relationship. If I had realized that at the time, I would have saved myself alot of trouble because I am NOT the kind of women who tolerates that kind of treatment at all.
So basically what you're saying is that you refrained from offering opinions on his appearance, so his appearance deteriorated over time. You never offered suggestions on lovemaking, so sacktime was not fulfilling. And you say that you loved him as he was, but at some time or another you fell out of love with him.
You say that the evolution of his personal appearance was a manifestation of his depression. What if it were the other way around? What if his depression was a result of his lack of attention to his appearance. I'm certainly not implying that attractiveness is hand-and-hand with mental health, but it really does help self-esteem a great deal. Ask any woman who has licked her weight problem.
Look, all this "I loved him for who he was" is nice up to a point, but a person who gives a rip about you will want to remain attractive to you. And anybody who says that physical appearances do not matter at all are either liars or are indulging in total whimsical nonsense. I love my wife no matter what, but if she mushroomed up to 400 pounds, doesn't brush her teeth, and generally doesn't exercise good hygiene, then I'm really not wanting a session of Midnight Rodeo.
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