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Old 07-07-2008, 02:42 PM
 
18,177 posts, read 16,320,303 times
Reputation: 13868

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This is bugging me so i'm going to ask for your input and suggestions here on CD for how you would handle this situation at work:

There is a new lady at work in my small division, and she touches me and i don't like it. Usually people get the message and stop when they see someone is uncomfortable with it, but she hasn't. She walks by and scratches my back (ewwww), she walks by and touches by shoulder (ewwww).

I know if something bothers me i need to speak up but i don't know what to say and i don't want to create tension at work. What would you do? I don't want her touching me at work, and i don't feel it is professional or respectful to touch people at work who you hardly know (she has been doing this since day 1 at work).

What would you do? or what have you done in similar circumstances?
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Old 07-07-2008, 02:48 PM
 
Location: Wu Dang Mountain
12,941 posts, read 20,618,793 times
Reputation: 8674
Some people are natural "touchers" - back in the day in Little Italy it freaked me out at first to be hugged and kissed on the cheek by other guys, but then I discovered the history and social customs of Italy and it made a bit more sense.

Perhaps she likes you...

Maybe just say "please don't do that" when she does?
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Old 07-07-2008, 03:06 PM
 
18,177 posts, read 16,320,303 times
Reputation: 13868
yeah, she kissed me on the cheek once too and i just froze, it was horrible. i just have to work up to the right wording, that's where i need some suggestions. Thanks Phil, i am going to have to say something like "please don't touch me" or "I'm not comfortable with touching at work" i'm just dreading it.

i guess i resent that i'm the one that has to speak up, when it's her behavior that is out of line. It's not a different culture, it's not a different country, it's a work environment where we've all had the HR training on inappropriate behavior at work and her touching and kissing is what's out of line.
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Old 07-07-2008, 03:07 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,835 posts, read 84,020,443 times
Reputation: 22814
Quote:
Originally Posted by DimSumRaja View Post
This is bugging me so i'm going to ask for your input and suggestions here on CD for how you would handle this situation at work:

There is a new lady at work in my small division, and she touches me and i don't like it. Usually people get the message and stop when they see someone is uncomfortable with it, but she hasn't. She walks by and scratches my back (ewwww), she walks by and touches by shoulder (ewwww).

I know if something bothers me i need to speak up but i don't know what to say and i don't want to create tension at work. What would you do? I don't want her touching me at work, and i don't feel it is professional or respectful to touch people at work who you hardly know (she has been doing this since day 1 at work).

What would you do? or what have you done in similar circumstances?
I don't know, DimSum, as I'm one of those annoying people. I even like playing with hair. Of course, I don't do it with everybody - only with people I'm friendly with.
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Old 07-07-2008, 03:18 PM
 
Location: Palm Beach Gardens, Fla
1,888 posts, read 7,588,559 times
Reputation: 1557
Now that's a really uncomfy situation to be in! Maybe you can say something like 'Hey...there you go with the hands again!' the next time she reaches out and tries to scratch, pat or rub you. I probably wouldn't be mean to her but if it is upsetting to you, you have a right to speak up about it. Don't wait for your coworkers to speak up- this is bothering you so put a stop to it now (nicely, of course).
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Old 07-07-2008, 03:23 PM
 
Location: Wu Dang Mountain
12,941 posts, read 20,618,793 times
Reputation: 8674
Quote:
Originally Posted by Prettygyrl777 View Post
'Hey...there you go with the hands again!'
That's a good one.

Dim, I could always email you instructions on several wrist locks that might show how you feel...
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Old 07-07-2008, 03:42 PM
 
Location: Tucson, AZ
1,222 posts, read 4,792,900 times
Reputation: 864
Quote:
Originally Posted by DimSumRaja View Post
There is a new lady at work in my small division, and she touches me and i don't like it. Usually people get the message and stop when they see someone is uncomfortable with it, but she hasn't. She walks by and scratches my back (ewwww), she walks by and touches by shoulder (ewwww)...

What would you do? or what have you done in similar circumstances?
OMG!! I think I worked with the same woman about 9 years ago!! Or, at least it was the same exact situation.

I am definitely not a touchy, feely kinda gal... never have been, it's just how I am. From the first day I worked with this woman (we only had about 4 people in our unit), she'd come into my cube and put her hands on my shoulders and start giving me a massage, she grabbed my hand one day at the fax machine, etc.

It sent icky chills down my spine. I'm just not comfy with that kind of thing, especially from people I don't know. I'm also a complete chicken when it comes to confrontation. But, eventually I mustered up the courage.

The next time she came into my cubicle, I simply said, "I'm sorry, but I'm just not a touchy/feely person". It worked... she didn't seem upset or anything and we were still civil with each other, but she did not try to give me massages or anything after that.
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Old 07-07-2008, 03:56 PM
 
Location: Catonsville, MD
2,358 posts, read 5,772,799 times
Reputation: 1707
You could anonymously email her (using a different address from one she knows, of course) and send her a link to this thread in CD . Actually, it would be best to do what mdtoaz did and just say, "I'm just not a touchy feeling kind of person." As uncomfortable as it will make you feel, it will be over with (unless she's totally clueless.)
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Old 07-07-2008, 04:00 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,246 posts, read 94,864,263 times
Reputation: 40098
Quote:
Originally Posted by DimSumRaja View Post
This is bugging me so i'm going to ask for your input and suggestions here on CD for how you would handle this situation at work:

There is a new lady at work in my small division, and she touches me and i don't like it. Usually people get the message and stop when they see someone is uncomfortable with it, but she hasn't. She walks by and scratches my back (ewwww), she walks by and touches by shoulder (ewwww).

I know if something bothers me i need to speak up but i don't know what to say and i don't want to create tension at work. What would you do? I don't want her touching me at work, and i don't feel it is professional or respectful to touch people at work who you hardly know (she has been doing this since day 1 at work).

What would you do? or what have you done in similar circumstances?
You've GOT to be upfront with her, and the sooner the better! Simply state that you are not comfortable with her level of physical contact, and be sure to say it is "nothing personal".

Make a joke and tell her physical contact with anyone other than your spouse is against your religion
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Old 07-07-2008, 04:03 PM
 
Location: Visitation between Wal-Mart & Home Depot
8,307 posts, read 37,104,606 times
Reputation: 7146
Quote:
Originally Posted by DimSumRaja View Post
This is bugging me so i'm going to ask for your input and suggestions here on CD for how you would handle this situation at work:

There is a new lady at work in my small division, and she touches me and i don't like it. Usually people get the message and stop when they see someone is uncomfortable with it, but she hasn't. She walks by and scratches my back (ewwww), she walks by and touches by shoulder (ewwww).

I know if something bothers me i need to speak up but i don't know what to say and i don't want to create tension at work. What would you do? I don't want her touching me at work, and i don't feel it is professional or respectful to touch people at work who you hardly know (she has been doing this since day 1 at work).

What would you do? or what have you done in similar circumstances?
There's a little move I like to call "Monkey Steals the Peach." It goes like so:


http://www.gudlyf.com/media/monkeystealspeach.jpg

The execution thereof (in particular the TIGER CLAW FIST version) should clearly assert to this co-worker, and all who bear witness, that you disapprove of gratuitous physical contact. Amen. My work is done here, NEXT THREAD!
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