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I want some opinions on my boyfriends behavior from you guys.... We have been on and off for a year and I do care for him but worry his "lifestyle" is a red flag for some issues that should be dealt with before this relationship should go any further...
He is a 25 year old electrician living alone. He purchased his second home about 6 months ago. The first month we were dating we were very active. Going out to dinner, movies, bars, clubbing, parties. You name it. Oh yea, I should probally mention I'm 22. That all stopped after a month. For the next 6 months we went out together TWICE! He started complaining of all kinds of physical problems. First he claims he has osteoporsis. Because of that he says he can no longer run, jog or play any sports. He is naturally thin so he doesn't think he "needs" to. He is ALWAYS tired. His ideal evening is to lay on the couch under several blankets (in Florida) drinking hot tea and beer watching movie after movie. During which he will complain of being tired, achey, you name it. Of coarse our sex life decreased and I pretty much do all the work because, again, he is.. tired.
He seems to no longer have any personal interests except looking pitiful and getting someone to "baby" him. Except.. he wants a baby. He is frankly desperate to have one. That is all I ever hear about. As I see it I would then have two babys on my hands. All other guys I know his age want to go out, have fun, alot of the time see several women at the same time. Act like a twenty-something. And run from the idea of babys!
His father left when he was 12, his mother was never around so he claims he was left alone to fend for himself. He turned to a life of "minor" crime and drugs. After 3 stints in re-hab he is clean.
Am I crazy or is this guy still suffering from his childhood? Possibly wanting to re-create it? Is is strange he has little to no desire to ever leave the house?
From your description, it sounds like this guy is suffering from depression or mild agoraphobia. Even if he was twice or even three times older, he still shouldn't be acting like that. Was there any event that preceded this behavior? In his state, he shouldn't be thinking about becoming a father. If I were you, I'd suggest that he get himself to a doctor to be checked out. You shouldn't have to baby him. My hubby can act pretty pathetic when he's sick, but only lasts for a day or at most, three or four. And he's almost 50.
Having ups and downs in life is normal, but his down sounds way too down to me. Best of luck to you and to him!
Yes, it does sound like the two of you need to sit down and have a heart to heart talk.
Have you explained any of this to him, as in how you feel about it?
I think you need to ask him why he doesn`t want to get out of the house for awhile, or just go somewhere for the day.
How old is he?
It isn`t no fun to sit around and listen to them whine and cry all the time. Maybe you could suggest taking him to a doctor to have him checked out.
Hint around that you would like to be going the places that you two used to go. Tell him your young..you would like to do fun things with him, not sit around on the couch all day. Talk to him again.
He may need to go to the doctor. I have many of those same symptoms and at that age too. Some were because of my thyroid going wacko and I needed to be put on medicine for it. I would come home at 6 and be exhausted. I had no energy left to do anything and I was 26. My boyfriend at the time was rude about it. He wasn't caring in the least and there was some real medical problems there. It would have been a real help if he was caring and not a jerk at the time. If you don't love him get out of it. If you do help him get to a doctor if he is really that tired, he needs to be checked out.
He refuses to see a doctor. He says he used to have depression but got through it. I have dealt with depression since I was a child and know he has not dealt with it. I'm thinking it may be several things. For one he is very lazy. Two I agree with all of you he does have depression but is in denial. And I think there are some issues with his mother. And no event really preceeded all of this drastic change- I guess his true colors just came out.
And no- no baby! We were almost in that boat but thankfully it did not pan out. I care for him.. I really am not sure how much love I have for him at this point. My thinking is everyone has been through tough times- myself included. It is normal and OK to have your bad days spread throughout some good... but you can't wallow in self pity all the time. It could always be worse!
I enjoy going out and traveling in particular. When I have invited him places he always says he does not feel up to it. I told him neither one of is is ready for a child in all ways- emotionally, financially, age, all of it. Any mention of money on my part and he calls me marterialistic. I just graduated with a Finance degree (no college for him) so I think that is his way of demeaning my degree. And when I tell him there is still so much I want to see and do he calls me selfish. I personally don't see anything wrong with wanting to experience different things and be finanicially ready and maybe have some nice things for my future child.
I just find it very odd that a 25 year old guy wants to just sit home with a baby.
It definitely sounds like depression; if he won't go to the doctor and keeps this up, quite honestly I would leave him. You don't need this in your life, and if he refuses to get help; it will make your life hell.
ok. im sorry but, is he still working? if he is. you know. he is my ideal man. becoz i am very much like him. though i dont cover in blankets especially now it's getting hot in here. and instead of movies, i am in the internet right after work. i dont understand what do you prefer? knowing where he is? or wondering where the hell is he? coz he is always out. maybe he is just homebody. and like u said he bought the house.. i honestly dont understand what your problem is. if you wanna go out then go out. why must he always be with you? esp if you have a baby already arent u glad u wont be paying for a babysitter becoz he would take care of your baby? im sorry but i really dont see a problem here. but i do see that u have "grown" apart meaning you have different priorities now.. he wants to be a family man while you still want to explore your single hood... either i am correct or me and your bf are both depressed
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