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Old 07-23-2008, 09:12 AM
 
Location: USA
1,244 posts, read 3,114,251 times
Reputation: 799

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Was looking through posts on some other threads and was going to put this question out there in one of them, but didn't want to hijack the conversations going on so figured I'd just start a new thread with it.

Basically, what I see in the threads on this or similar subjects is some people tend to associate a person's not wanting their SO to attend bachlor/bachlorette parties or strip clubs as having something to do with a possible lack of trust. Contrary to this, some people associate not minding their SO to attend such things as some sign of fully trusting them. Kind of like trust is a key factor in the equation in some way.

However, I was just wondering, call it the curious nature in me, if other's would agree that sometimes it has absolutely nothing to do with a trust factor, but everything to do with either a distaste for such things or simple lack of interest or desire to either be involved with them or dating someone that feels otherwise.

This is not really a question up for debate or anything like that. Just a curiousity of how most people feel about it.

1 - To you, if you don't attend such things and prefer your SO not to as well, is it a trust issue, or simply a distaste or lack of interest?

2 - To you, if you do attend such things and don't mind your SO doing so, is it in your opinion based on higher trust levels, or simply because you don't mind such events yourself.

For me personally, I find it to be a bit distasteful. Perhaps when I was merely 18 through say oh 22 or so, it was different. However, as I have matured in life, my views have changed and my sense of values have solidified, therefore, it's just nothing appealing to me. As a result my preference would be that my SO would feel the same about it. It, however, has absolutely nothing to do with a trust factor.

How about you?

** Please respect other people's views and opinions. Conversations are good, as are asking questions about maybe why someone feels the way they do. However, there is no need to debate this question to death or try to change anyone else's opinion on it. Everyone is entitled to their opinion.
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Old 07-23-2008, 10:01 AM
 
28,901 posts, read 51,988,884 times
Reputation: 46544
I haven't been to a strip club in sixteen years. Quite frankly, I went because it was what my friends were doing, and I did so with full knowledge and cheerful permission of my wife. Had she said, "just do whatever you want" (The most dangerous phrase in a woman's vocabulary), I would have probably spent the evening playing pinball in some dive where the women didn't doff their duds.

I also was at a bachelor function a few years ago where there was a stripper. I didn't realize it beforehand, and I wasn't going to be a bluenose about the whole thing.

That being said, I don't think strip clubs are particularly exploitive. I actually wrote about a dancer whom I became platonic friends with, and she used it to make good money going through college. The way she put it, nobody put a gun to her head to do it. What's more, I worked in an office where several women liked going to strip clubs to watch. None of them ever admitted to being bi, but I think they were all pretty wide-open sexually.

All that being said, strip clubs are provocative for about five minutes. Then, I gotta say, they're boring. I mean, what's the point of a naked woman dancing sensuously inches away from me if I can't touch? One, I wouldn't break my vows. Two, I'd be thrown out of the place on my ear.

And, of course, there's a serious loser element that spends a lot of time in there. I remember being dragged to a strip joint once for a colleague's All-Male Baby Shower. There was a DJ up there calling out the dances and the whatnot, when this one guy strolls into the place. The DJ says over the intercom, "Oh, THERE'S a guy who's never been here before." Now, if I were that guy, and being called out in the strip club for visiting too often, I think I'd have to re-examine my priorities.

So there you have it. I'm some where between prurient and puritan on the subject.
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Old 07-23-2008, 10:02 AM
 
1,072 posts, read 2,606,394 times
Reputation: 509
Quote:
Originally Posted by mari4him View Post
Was looking through posts on some other threads and was going to put this question out there in one of them, but didn't want to hijack the conversations going on so figured I'd just start a new thread with it.

Basically, what I see in the threads on this or similar subjects is some people tend to associate a person's not wanting their SO to attend bachlor/bachlorette parties or strip clubs as having something to do with a possible lack of trust. Contrary to this, some people associate not minding their SO to attend such things as some sign of fully trusting them. Kind of like trust is a key factor in the equation in some way.

However, I was just wondering, call it the curious nature in me, if other's would agree that sometimes it has absolutely nothing to do with a trust factor, but everything to do with either a distaste for such things or simple lack of interest or desire to either be involved with them or dating someone that feels otherwise.

This is not really a question up for debate or anything like that. Just a curiousity of how most people feel about it.

1 - To you, if you don't attend such things and prefer your SO not to as well, is it a trust issue, or simply a distaste or lack of interest?

2 - To you, if you do attend such things and don't mind your SO doing so, is it in your opinion based on higher trust levels, or simply because you don't mind such events yourself.

For me personally, I find it to be a bit distasteful. Perhaps when I was merely 18 through say oh 22 or so, it was different. However, as I have matured in life, my views have changed and my sense of values have solidified, therefore, it's just nothing appealing to me. As a result my preference would be that my SO would feel the same about it. It, however, has absolutely nothing to do with a trust factor.

How about you?

** Please respect other people's views and opinions. Conversations are good, as are asking questions about maybe why someone feels the way they do. However, there is no need to debate this question to death or try to change anyone else's opinion on it. Everyone is entitled to their opinion.
Answer to #1: Personally, that would be a trust issue.

Answer to #2: Personally, it is because I trust my SO (part of that reason is because I've been to one myself).

Overall, just because "I" don't attend such things nowadays does NOT give me the right to tell my SO that he should not either. Each person is different, and therefore, I shouldn't be controlling my SO on it. Someone on this forum said that the majority of the time, when bachelor parties such as this occur, all the men are asking is to have SPACE.
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Old 07-23-2008, 10:08 AM
 
28,901 posts, read 51,988,884 times
Reputation: 46544
Quote:
Originally Posted by sms0511 View Post
Answer to #1: Personally, that would be a trust issue.

Answer to #2: Personally, it is because I trust my SO (part of that reason is because I've been to one myself).

Overall, just because "I" don't attend such things nowadays does NOT give me the right to tell my SO that he should not either. Each person is different, and therefore, I shouldn't be controlling my SO on it. Someone on this forum said that the majority of the time, when bachelor parties such as this occur, all the men are asking is to have SPACE.
Yeah, I have to agree on this one. Some women (And men) have serious trust issues. Having been in a relationship like that, I have to tell you that it is exhausting. People like that are always looking to catch you doing something, and you wind up dealing with their paranoid fantasies. I was seriously dating a woman who was like that. And when she heard that, every once in a while, I escorted my stripper neighbor down to the bank so she could deposit her tips, she about flipped out.
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Old 07-23-2008, 10:11 AM
 
Location: Tucson
42,835 posts, read 85,455,484 times
Reputation: 22814
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
Had she said, "just do whatever you want" (The most dangerous phrase in a woman's vocabulary)
LOL, that's an experienced married man!
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Old 07-23-2008, 10:20 AM
 
Location: Midwest
1,167 posts, read 1,468,760 times
Reputation: 1501
Quote:
Originally Posted by mari4him View Post
Was looking through posts on some other threads and was going to put this question out there in one of them, but didn't want to hijack the conversations going on so figured I'd just start a new thread with it.

Basically, what I see in the threads on this or similar subjects is some people tend to associate a person's not wanting their SO to attend bachlor/bachlorette parties or strip clubs as having something to do with a possible lack of trust. Contrary to this, some people associate not minding their SO to attend such things as some sign of fully trusting them. Kind of like trust is a key factor in the equation in some way.

However, I was just wondering, call it the curious nature in me, if other's would agree that sometimes it has absolutely nothing to do with a trust factor, but everything to do with either a distaste for such things or simple lack of interest or desire to either be involved with them or dating someone that feels otherwise.

This is not really a question up for debate or anything like that. Just a curiousity of how most people feel about it.

1 - To you, if you don't attend such things and prefer your SO not to as well, is it a trust issue, or simply a distaste or lack of interest?

2 - To you, if you do attend such things and don't mind your SO doing so, is it in your opinion based on higher trust levels, or simply because you don't mind such events yourself.

For me personally, I find it to be a bit distasteful. Perhaps when I was merely 18 through say oh 22 or so, it was different. However, as I have matured in life, my views have changed and my sense of values have solidified, therefore, it's just nothing appealing to me. As a result my preference would be that my SO would feel the same about it. It, however, has absolutely nothing to do with a trust factor.

How about you?

** Please respect other people's views and opinions. Conversations are good, as are asking questions about maybe why someone feels the way they do. However, there is no need to debate this question to death or try to change anyone else's opinion on it. Everyone is entitled to their opinion.
I trust my husband completely! That being said, my husband knew the type of person I am and where my moral standards are before he even proposed to me. He feels the same way and there is no "ban" on him going anywhere.

I TRUST my husband as much if not more than most women I know trust their SO's and I don't think that being open to your SO going to such events is a sign of trust. You could put it on the other side and say it's a sign of insecurity if you don't feel right about your SO going to a strip club and yet you don't speak up on the matter.

I have no reason not to trust my husband, he doesn't like strip clubs, he went once or twice when he was 18 and didn't see the point in it. That was long before he and I were friends. He made the decision himself and sought out a wife (myself) who felt the same way about things. Now, if I were to have sought out the proverbial bad boy and proceeded to try to "make" him stop going to strip clubs and such that would be an entirely different situation.

There is a huge difference between trust and having moral standards.
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Old 07-23-2008, 10:23 AM
 
Location: USA
1,244 posts, read 3,114,251 times
Reputation: 799
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
I haven't been to a strip club in sixteen years. Quite frankly, I went because it was what my friends were doing, and I did so with full knowledge and cheerful permission of my wife. Had she said, "just do whatever you want" (The most dangerous phrase in a woman's vocabulary), I would have probably spent the evening playing pinball in some dive where the women didn't doff their duds.

I also was at a bachelor function a few years ago where there was a stripper. I didn't realize it beforehand, and I wasn't going to be a bluenose about the whole thing.

That being said, I don't think strip clubs are particularly exploitive. I actually wrote about a dancer whom I became platonic friends with, and she used it to make good money going through college. The way she put it, nobody put a gun to her head to do it. What's more, I worked in an office where several women liked going to strip clubs to watch. None of them ever admitted to being bi, but I think they were all pretty wide-open sexually.

All that being said, strip clubs are provocative for about five minutes. Then, I gotta say, they're boring. I mean, what's the point of a naked woman dancing sensuously inches away from me if I can't touch? One, I wouldn't break my vows. Two, I'd be thrown out of the place on my ear.

And, of course, there's a serious loser element that spends a lot of time in there. I remember being dragged to a strip joint once for a colleague's All-Male Baby Shower. There was a DJ up there calling out the dances and the whatnot, when this one guy strolls into the place. The DJ says over the intercom, "Oh, THERE'S a guy who's never been here before." Now, if I were that guy, and being called out in the strip club for visiting too often, I think I'd have to re-examine my priorities.

So there you have it. I'm some where between prurient and puritan on the subject.
LOL on the "just do whatever you want" interpretation. Those words do have the potential of being very deadly and dangerous grounds to walk on when spoken, in my opinion, either by the wife or the husband really.

I do agree with you that I don't believe that these places are exploitive, though I do believe to an extent the women or men themselves are exploiting themselves, but that is just my personal view on the subject.

I don't get the whole thing about these activities honestly. I mean I love my man and if I want some eye candy all I gotta do is look to him and I'm satisfied. I don't need to watch some other guy stripping down to a g-string to find my excitement. I just have to look to my husband. Again, just me. Not necessarily putting down what other's do or like.

I was just wondering why it seems to often come down to a trust factor. I trust my husband completely as he trusts me completely. I have no problems with trusting him, nor does he with me. However, we both just dislike and/or lack interest in such things and therefore mutually agree that we don't attend them.

I know in some cases it may be a matter of lack of trust, but in those cases I guess I feel the issue or problem goes far beyond a party or club.

Thanks for answering.
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Old 07-23-2008, 10:25 AM
 
1,072 posts, read 2,606,394 times
Reputation: 509
Quote:
Originally Posted by mari4him View Post
LOL on the "just do whatever you want" interpretation. Those words do have the potential of being very deadly and dangerous grounds to walk on when spoken, in my opinion, either by the wife or the husband really.

I do agree with you that I don't believe that these places are exploitive, though I do believe to an extent the women or men themselves are exploiting themselves, but that is just my personal view on the subject.

I don't get the whole thing about these activities honestly. I mean I love my man and if I want some eye candy all I gotta do is look to him and I'm satisfied. I don't need to watch some other guy stripping down to a g-string to find my excitement. I just have to look to my husband. Again, just me. Not necessarily putting down what other's do or like.

I was just wondering why it seems to often come down to a trust factor. I trust my husband completely as he trusts me completely. I have no problems with trusting him, nor does he with me. However, we both just dislike and/or lack interest in such things and therefore mutually agree that we don't attend them.

I know in some cases it may be a matter of lack of trust, but in those cases I guess I feel the issue or problem goes far beyond a party or club.

Thanks for answering.
(in response to the statement I bolded above):

And that is the difference between a man and a woman. A man is highly visual, a woman? Not so.
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Old 07-23-2008, 10:32 AM
 
Location: Midwest
1,167 posts, read 1,468,760 times
Reputation: 1501
Quote:
Originally Posted by sms0511 View Post
(in response to the statement I bolded above):

And that is the difference between a man and a woman. A man is highly visual, a woman? Not so.
Oh I don't know about that! I am a very visual person. I just only have room for one person in my sights and that person is my DH!

Some women may not be visual, but not all of us are that way. Allthough I have been told quite often by my friends and family that I am not wired like the typical woman.
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Old 07-23-2008, 10:37 AM
 
1,072 posts, read 2,606,394 times
Reputation: 509
Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss Martha View Post
Oh I don't know about that! I am a very visual person. I just only have room for one person in my sights and that person is my DH!

Some women may not be visual, but not all of us are that way. Allthough I have been told quite often by my friends and family that I am not wired like the typical woman.
Well, you can believe how you want, but just looking at:

1. The fact that female adult stars outearn male adult stars,
2. The fact that there are MORE female adult stars than male adult stars,
3. The fact that there are MORE stripclubs directed for MALE audience than stripclubs directed for FEMALE audience, and
4. The fact that even psychologists mention that men are more visual-driven than women,

I can safely conclude that men are more visual than women. We women may think that there are tons of other "hot" men out there other than our SO's, but our "organs" are not as "highly driven" by visuals as men's "organs".
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