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Saw this letter in the "Dear Margo" column. Anybody have any stories to share about this subject?
Dear Margo: Several years ago, "Beatrice" and I dated. It didn't work out (no fireworks) and she married a decent guy. I kept in touch via telephone/Internet with both her and her husband through the years.
Almost a year ago, she called and told me they were separating and she'd always wondered what we would be like together. I dismissed the idea, both because she was married and because I didn't think we were couple material. Yet when she asked to meet up just to chat, sparks flew. We're better matched now than we were years ago, and I feel a connection with her that was missing back then. My problem is that her divorce isn't final and her husband doesn't know about us, although her parents and several of her friends do. I feel like we're sneaking around. When is it "OK" to formally date? Does it have to be the minute the ink dries on the divorce decree? A discreet month later? Is there any moral difference between fooling around now and waiting until the pen strikes paper? Plus, part of me is scared that if her marriage fell apart because she fell out of love with him, what's to prevent the same thing from happening to me? — Kind of on the Fence
Dear Kind: Many people who don't seem suited to one another at a particular time in their lives come together, later, as a much better match — a reignited match, if you will. (Hence, all the couples who re-meet at school reunions and go for it.) As for when it's proper to date, these days it is customary to be able to date when you are no longer living with your spouse — and even sometimes if you are both in the same house because the other person won't move out. As for your fear that this woman might fall out of love with you, too, I can offer no guarantees — nor can she. Follow your heart, my friend, and take your chances, like the rest of us. — Margo, fatefully
Well, all I can say is that my husband and I were better suited for each other a long time ago. Not so much now. Especially today - since he threatened me with divorce - again - for the 3,000th time!
Well, all I can say is that my husband and I were better suited for each other a long time ago. Not so much now. Especially today - since he threatened me with divorce - again - for the 3,000th time!
YIKES, that sucks!
My sister and her husband were together in high school - went their separate ways and married other people. Then one day, 20 years later ran into each other in the middle of a Mardi Gras parade in New Orleans, of all places.
They started talking and moving away from the crowd to better hear each other. Four hours later they were still off in a corner hanging on each others every word. My mother said just looking at them you could see the sparks flying They've now been very happily married ten years.
My daughter married one of her high school bfs... AFTER marrying and divorcing a different one!
The second one was, by far, my pick of all her high school bfs (courteous and respectful, excellent student, star athlete, quietly confident, handsome), but I think he was too "mature" for her at that point in her life. She was more attracted to the "bad boys". But I think a marriage to one of those bad boys and 5 years of college changed her preferences. They've been married 10 years now and have three of the cutest girls you'll ever see. (Proud grandpa face)
Oh yeah, and they both drive Harleys and have tats, so I guess she's getting a little of that bad boy stuff from the new hubby after all.
I'm not so sure about that. It does make some sense as people change (not in the direction we want them to, of course), but usually the same problems tend to emerge again. I guess it might work in the cases the split-up was caused by geography and other (sort of) out-of-control circumstances.
I'm not so sure about that. It does make some sense as people change (not in the direction we want them to, of course), but usually the same problems tend to emerge again. I guess it might work in the cases the split-up was caused by geography and other (sort of) out-of-control circumstances.
I think from what I've read it works best with couples who were in love in their teens.
They say those first love experiences are so powerful, yet many in that age group lack the maturity to handle a real relationship long term at that point. After becoming an adult you are still the basic same person you always were, just with a lot of refinement, so then you are ready for the fire after the sparks fly when you meet up again as adults, lol!
Last edited by lovesMountains; 03-25-2009 at 10:09 PM..
I think from what I've read it works best with couples who were in love in their teens.
They say those first love experiences are so powerful, yet many in that age group lack the maturity to handle a real relationship long term at that point. After becoming an adult you are still the basic same person you always were, just with a lot of refinement, so then you are ready for the fire after the sparks fly when you meet us again as adults, lol!
It makes sense... unless the cynical refinery refined you...
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains
I think from what I've read it works best with couples who were in love in their teens.
They say those first love experiences are so powerful, yet many in that age group lack the maturity to handle a real relationship long term at that point. After becoming an adult you are still the basic same person you always were, just with a lot of refinement, so then you are ready for the fire after the sparks fly when you meet up again as adults, lol!
I like this explanation. If it happened to me I'd be the happiest person on earth.
This is pretty much what happened to me and DH...met in college at 18, dated a while, didn't work out but still had those darn feelings!! Met up a couple years after college, had some closure, but by then we were living states apart...but he kept calling periodically. Anyway, we got married at 27, and some people still can't believe it when they hear it. It's been almost 10 years now and I'm so glad we found each other again!
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They've now been very happily married ten years.
(Proud grandpa face)
