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I think she does need therapy..based on the comment she made about having trouble allowing herself to be loved. Thats an issue.
There are people out there that cheat for a living..they dont have a problem with their actions. They need counseling..but I'd never advse them to because they have not admitted to their wrong and selfishness..thats pathetic.
But OP obviously knows she's wrong. The statement that she made about lack of self love has alot to do with her as an individual..she needs to go back in her history and figure out why she self inflicts herself this way..next time she can go out there and catch some disease.
"allowing herself to be loved"? From what I learned in school, thats called a scapegoat. All that counseling will do is say that it's her parents fault for not love'n her enough, or some other BS.
As Mr. Gumps' mama always says " a $lut is as a $lut does".
I'm tired of people defending her.
Say something OP Alison! Stand up for yourself, eh? Prove me wrong, or am I right?
"miu" actually makes a good point. Maybe this guy is just a place holder for her at this time. Maybe she thinks that she can do better. Maybe she has just gotten comfortable with the guy but doesn't really love him as much as she thinks she does.
Alison - How is your relationship with your dad? Are you close enough with your mom to dicuss this problem with her? Your need for constant validation seems to be an issue that should be addressed.
You destroy yourself and your family , you have bad inner feelings . you cheat on purpure that you can't accept him and his life , so why you still continue this relationship wich you hate it badly . You seem to be tired of this relationship and you try to vent in a bad way.
I recently moved across the county with my boyfriend of 2 years. We have had issues with me cheating in the past, but I thought we could move past it. He had the ability to forgive the past and wanted to be with me forever. For some reason I just can't let myself be loved and happy. I have cheated again and am moving back home to my family. We have made a perfect home together and I have thrown it all away. I hate myself for hurting him, yet I continued to do it. I am so lost. I know I need to leave him so he can move on and find true love, but I struggling getting out the door. What if neither of us can get past this. What if this damaged relationship we have is the best that we can do? I am supposed to be packing right now...but I am sitting here writing this instead. I need to leave, but I am so scared.
Scared of what? Facing the true consequences of what you did?
Maybe a commited relationship just isnt for you. Stop making promises you cant keep to someone and you wont feel bad. Be in an open relationship or date around.
It doesnt take much effort to take two seconds to think about what your actions can result in.
He'll get over you when he finds someone that really cares about him and staying commited.
Its only been two years and you were cheating on him through it? Whats to get over?
If the genders were reversed everyone would be calling the guy a heartless pig.
"allowing herself to be loved"? From what I learned in school, thats called a scapegoat. All that counseling will do is say that it's her parents fault for not love'n her enough, or some other BS.
As Mr. Gumps' mama always says " a $lut is as a $lut does".
I'm tired of people defending her.
Say something OP Alison! Stand up for yourself, eh? Prove me wrong, or am I right?
I dont know about OP's situation nor her back ground..i sure for hell won't throw any stones.
But how about one that was raped as a child..repetively..now as an adult..they have issues where they look for love in the wrong places. Have a tendency of being promiscuous...what do you have to say about that? Is that also considered a scapegoat?
Listen, we all have frigin issues and I'm not saying that repetitive cheating, lying..stealing..whatever your demons are is right. All that crap stems from somewhere though. Once you see that you have a problem..yes, its up to you to get the help that you need. But you have to start from somewhere..no?
From what I learned in school, thats called a scapegoat.
Bingo.
If this was a man, no one would care if he "loved himself", had daddy issues, got raped by a grizzly bear, or been **** on his entire life. There wouldn't be one supportive post in this thread if it was a guy.
A woman does something and it must be someone else's fault, or she needs help.
reasons = calculated excuses for getting out of a total s.storm for crap behavior.
If I operated on my "reasons" I should be screwing everything that breathes,selling drugs or maybe myself and beating the living crap out of everything that goes against me.
Yes, you should have the LOGIC to not get into those situations. Being abused as a child is no excuse to not use your intelligence or reasoning skills.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TrishP7
I dont know about OP's situation nor her back ground..i sure for hell won't throw any stones.
But how about one that was raped as a child..repetively..now as an adult..they have issues where they look for love in the wrong places. Have a tendency of being promiscuous...what do you have to say about that? Is that also considered a scapegoat?
Listen, we all have frigin issues and I'm not saying that repetitive cheating, lying..stealing..whatever your demons are is right. All that crap stems from somewhere though. Once you see that you have a problem..yes, its up to you to get the help that you need. But you have to start from somewhere..no?
I dont know about OP's situation nor her back ground..i sure for hell won't throw any stones.
But how about one that was raped as a child..repetively..now as an adult..they have issues where they look for love in the wrong places. Have a tendency of being promiscuous...what do you have to say about that? Is that also considered a scapegoat?
Listen, we all have frigin issues and I'm not saying that repetitive cheating, lying..stealing..whatever your demons are is right. All that crap stems from somewhere though. Once you see that you have a problem..yes, its up to you to get the help that you need. But you have to start from somewhere..no?
I don't recall her ever say'n she was raped as a child. She is an adult, can she not handle stones? If so, she shouldn't ask for help.
I know your posts Trish, and I'm not bash'n ya or have any bad feelings toward you, I like you as you make me think. But what good does it do for her to give her excusses to do what she does? It's wrong, period. Your too nice, gentle, loving; sometimes people need a 2X4 up side the head, I'm one of them.
Sorry to harp on ya, but this lady needs a kick in the back side. Support her and she'll do it over and over as then she'd have an excuse. Would you want to marry a guy who bags a chic while he is dating you?
I'm sure she is a nice person, just try'n to show her another way to deal w/things rather than spread her legs.
You don't have to go from one extreme to the next.
Supporting somebody may mean teaching them new life skills and helping them not to repeat the same old patterns- the 2X4 is not really going to help.
She might not have relationships skills, so that is why she cheats. There is no use looking at the past. Just look at what you can do now to be better and do better.
Being in an open relationship or dating around without committment won't teach her any skills.
My belief is that people need to find others to be with that are similar to them....for example: relationship types go together, hook up types go together, etc....you can't be mismatched or it will fail and cause destruction.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Capt. Cave Man
I don't recall her ever say'n she was raped as a child. She is an adult, can she not handle stones? If so, she shouldn't ask for help.
I know your posts Trish, and I'm not bash'n ya or have any bad feelings toward you, I like you as you make me think. But what good does it do for her to give her excusses to do what she does? It's wrong, period. Your too nice, gentle, loving; sometimes people need a 2X4 up side the head, I'm one of them.
Sorry to harp on ya, but this lady needs a kick in the back side. Support her and she'll do it over and over as then she'd have an excuse. Would you want to marry a guy who bags a chic while he is dating you?
I'm sure she is a nice person, just try'n to show her another way to deal w/things rather than spread her legs.
Does commitment mean anything anymore?
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