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Old 08-05-2008, 06:05 PM
 
1,882 posts, read 4,612,390 times
Reputation: 2683

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Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
You don't have to go from one extreme to the next.

Supporting somebody may mean teaching them new life skills and helping them not to repeat the same old patterns- the 2X4 is not really going to help.

She might not have relationships skills, so that is why she cheats. There is no use looking at the past. Just look at what you can do now to be better and do better.

WTF?! Relationship skills? Are you f'n kidding me? Cheating is a bad "relationship skill"? BS! It's pathetic, selfish, and disrespectful.

The 2X4 comment was not ment to be taken litterally.

To straighten her out, does she need the love of her life to cheat on her.......twice........and not know why? This guy she is with is obviously very much involved w/her.......and she could care less about his feelings.

Am I doing enough "bashing" to make people feel like it's not her fault? Thats it, turn it on me, not that you are.

Call me a prick, I don't care. My opinion is right. Ok, maybe not, but today I believe in what I say.
'
As I've said, we are all friends, and a good debate helps us all.
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Old 08-05-2008, 06:06 PM
 
Location: Jersey in da Citi!!
874 posts, read 3,675,699 times
Reputation: 474
Quote:
Originally Posted by Capt. Cave Man View Post
I don't recall her ever say'n she was raped as a child. She is an adult, can she not handle stones? If so, she shouldn't ask for help.

I know your posts Trish, and I'm not bash'n ya or have any bad feelings toward you, I like you as you make me think. But what good does it do for her to give her excusses to do what she does? It's wrong, period. Your too nice, gentle, loving; sometimes people need a 2X4 up side the head, I'm one of them.

Sorry to harp on ya, but this lady needs a kick in the back side. Support her and she'll do it over and over as then she'd have an excuse. Would you want to marry a guy who bags a chic while he is dating you?

I'm sure she is a nice person, just try'n to show her another way to deal w/things rather than spread her legs.

Does commitment mean anything anymore?
I never said she was raped ..i was hypothetically speaking.

Capt, I'm with you..people are friged up and do terrible things and have NO remorse. But I feel that when one comes to the forum to seek advice..or some sort of guidance..you can't just bash em especially when they are REMORSEFUL! I mean..everyone is different and to each his own.

I just deal with things different..actually..i treat others as I want to be treated. You know what I mean..

For example..theres a thread out there where this woman is physically, mentally abused by her husband. SHe comes to CD and asks for help..everyone tells her to run and get help..even provides Help Hotlines etc..you know what she does..she comes back to the forum and tells us that she allowed the husband back into the house and listened to his apologies..yada yada. Now after a comment like that....I have nnooo sympathy. Now I consider her a dam fool..because she asked for the help..received it..and decided to let this guy back in.

I don't know..i just think its unfair when someone comes to CD, expresses their feelings or have a problem and people make light of their issue, crack jokes..you know..be insensitive. But thats just me.
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Old 08-05-2008, 06:16 PM
 
Location: Jersey in da Citi!!
874 posts, read 3,675,699 times
Reputation: 474
Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
Yes, you should have the LOGIC to not get into those situations. Being abused as a child is no excuse to not use your intelligence or reasoning skills.
Youre right..just because you have been abused as a child certainly doesnt give one the right to deliberately F^&* up. But its a stem or root to why we do certain things in our lives. Once we've figured out what that is..it is up to us to change it and turn that negative into a positive.

As far as OP is concerned..she has figured out that she has a friged up problem..now its up to her to take the steps to get the help that she needs. Which is what most of us has been encouraging her to do. Theres nothing wrong with that... admitting you have a problem, taking the steps to rectify equals results..no?

Never mind..lets just agree to disagree.

Hope OP had the decency to leave the house before bf had the chance to throw her out.
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Old 08-05-2008, 06:48 PM
 
20,187 posts, read 23,806,587 times
Reputation: 9283
I think you need to leave, its quite obvious your relationship will not work. You may help it in the short term, but in the long term, it simply won't last. Its better to end it and let it go on its own way... no reason to prolonging the pain that will come sooner or later...
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Old 08-05-2008, 07:20 PM
 
25,157 posts, read 53,875,707 times
Reputation: 7058
Yes, everybody needs to touch up their relationship skills. She needs to be taught by an elder and of course needs to be reminded over and again that cheating is a trashy and low life behavior.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Capt. Cave Man View Post
WTF?! Relationship skills? Are you f'n kidding me? Cheating is a bad "relationship skill"? BS! It's pathetic, selfish, and disrespectful.

The 2X4 comment was not ment to be taken litterally.

To straighten her out, does she need the love of her life to cheat on her.......twice........and not know why? This guy she is with is obviously very much involved w/her.......and she could care less about his feelings.

Am I doing enough "bashing" to make people feel like it's not her fault? Thats it, turn it on me, not that you are.

Call me a prick, I don't care. My opinion is right. Ok, maybe not, but today I believe in what I say.
'
As I've said, we are all friends, and a good debate helps us all.
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Old 08-05-2008, 07:24 PM
 
25,157 posts, read 53,875,707 times
Reputation: 7058
What I am saying is she should stay with her BF, apologize, write a note to him, take him out for dinner, and have a serious conversation about needing to set committment goals. She also needs to ask for what she wants in the relationship so she doesn't cheat. If problem solving like mature adults doesn't work then YES she needs to walk out the door, go to a therapists office, take some classes on relationships, read self help, get a mentor or life coach, etc.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TrishP7 View Post
Youre right..just because you have been abused as a child certainly doesnt give one the right to deliberately F^&* up. But its a stem or root to why we do certain things in our lives. Once we've figured out what that is..it is up to us to change it and turn that negative into a positive.

As far as OP is concerned..she has figured out that she has a friged up problem..now its up to her to take the steps to get the help that she needs. Which is what most of us has been encouraging her to do. Theres nothing wrong with that... admitting you have a problem, taking the steps to rectify equals results..no?

Never mind..lets just agree to disagree.

Hope OP had the decency to leave the house before bf had the chance to throw her out.
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Old 08-05-2008, 07:25 PM
 
Location: Beautiful New England
2,412 posts, read 7,166,877 times
Reputation: 3072
So, Alisonann15, I just don't get it. You cheated on your boyfriend (let's call him "Steve") though there is no indication given that Steve has done anything to push you into the arms of the another guy

What's going through your mind in the lead up to humping the other guy: "I'm horny so I'll bang Larry tonight and tomorrow I won't tell Steve and it will be OK"? or "Steve won't give me any action tonight so I'll just go for Larry"? or "Steve is such a boring lay; I wanna hump a porn star"? or "I like Steve but Larry's lookin' good"?

I guess I have a hard time understanding your perspective, frankly. To me it's kinda like people who do bad drugs like heroin or crack -- don't they think before the first time they do it : "this sh*t is really bad and screws people up, big time." I mean, don't you think about how your actions could be harmful? Especially since, after doing it once, you know that you're prone to doing bad things?

Seriously, I'd like to know what you're thinking while you're canoodling with another guy -- this might provide some insight into the problem.
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Old 08-05-2008, 07:29 PM
 
25,157 posts, read 53,875,707 times
Reputation: 7058
she could be trying to test his love ROTFL...what a pathetic way to do so but I've seen it happen....the testing NEVER ends.
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Old 08-05-2008, 07:34 PM
 
Location: Texas
870 posts, read 1,624,135 times
Reputation: 549
Quote:
Originally Posted by Capt. Cave Man View Post
WTF?! Relationship skills? Are you f'n kidding me? Cheating is a bad "relationship skill"? BS! It's pathetic, selfish, and disrespectful.

The 2X4 comment was not ment to be taken litterally.

To straighten her out, does she need the love of her life to cheat on her.......twice........and not know why? This guy she is with is obviously very much involved w/her.......and she could care less about his feelings.

Am I doing enough "bashing" to make people feel like it's not her fault? Thats it, turn it on me, not that you are.

Call me a prick, I don't care. My opinion is right. Ok, maybe not, but today I believe in what I say.
'
As I've said, we are all friends, and a good debate helps us all.
i agree with everything you have said in all your posts. she is showing what kind of a person she is by not returning and commenting on this topic.
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Old 08-05-2008, 08:10 PM
 
Location: SUNNY AZ
4,589 posts, read 13,148,362 times
Reputation: 1850
Wow....just.....WOW
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