Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Well, I think any time two people come together there are going to be challenges. It is my fundamental belief that the woman makes or breaks the relationship. I think we have all known relationships where all the woman had to do was "give a little" but stubbornly refused to do so, resulting in divorce. I realize that the Women's Liberation Movement taught us all that we are "entitled" to do whatever we want to do, regardless of how it impacts the relationship and that it is up to the MAN to make the necessary adjustments, but in reality this doesn't work very well (as the divorce rate will attest).
Since I am basically in control of the happiness of my marriage, I take it as a solumn responsiblity and an HONOR to sacrifice a little to keep my husband happy and our marriage strong. It is not a burden. I am not a "doormat" (as the some Feminazis would call me). I have made the conscious decision that my husband will be the head of the household and that I will be subordinate - it's not a big deal and most importantly, as hundreds of years of history proves - it works! No need to fix something that isn't broken.
20yrsinBranson
What ever works for you
It takes a little courage to say what you did. Like you said the feminazis might probably slam you.
I think a relationship/marriage is a two way street, yet it's not going to be 50/50 100% of the time. One way it may be 10% and the other way may be 90%. One way it may be 60% and the other 40%.
I'm very happy in my relationship with my boyfriend. He'd like to get married. I'm (after being married twice - 1 year the first, 12 years the second, and bitter divorce that time) cautiously optimistic.
This is a wonderful thread, Chow. There are far too many divisive threads pitting men against women and race against race here on the Relationships board. Thanks for showing that men and women (or men and men and women and women) CAN be together. Yes they can, if they're honest with one another and can work together through life.
Well, I think any time two people come together there are going to be challenges. It is my fundamental belief that the woman makes or breaks the relationship. I think we have all known relationships where all the woman had to do was "give a little" but stubbornly refused to do so, resulting in divorce. I realize that the Women's Liberation Movement taught us all that we are "entitled" to do whatever we want to do, regardless of how it impacts the relationship and that it is up to the MAN to make the necessary adjustments, but in reality this doesn't work very well (as the divorce rate will attest).
Since I am basically in control of the happiness of my marriage, I take it as a solumn responsiblity and an HONOR to sacrifice a little to keep my husband happy and our marriage strong. It is not a burden. I am not a "doormat" (as the some Feminazis would call me). I have made the conscious decision that my husband will be the head of the household and that I will be subordinate - it's not a big deal and most importantly, as hundreds of years of history proves - it works! No need to fix something that isn't broken.
20yrsinBranson
I didn't mean to imply you're a doormat. If the sacrifices are not overwhelming and the arrangement is working for you there's absolutely nothing wrong with it. Perhaps you've found the right man. Truth be told, I am sick and tired of being strong and capable regardless of whether I'm married or not and it would've been nice and restful to lean on somebody whose judgment and capabilities to lead in the right direction I can trust for a change, but it just hasn't happened... Should a guy be better than me in taking care of the family's responsibilities, I'd be more than happy to step back. Whether it's even possible or not at this point is another story... but it certainly would be nice.
I agree, sometimes I give more, sometimes he does. We both have things we are better at handleing then the other, but when it comes to other things we have to agree, purchases over $200.00 we talk about, the issue relating to our children, household finance.
We know it is tough, but each day we make sure we hug and smooch and have our date night each month, we shoot for 2 nights but ya know it can be hard. Date night is how we focus on us as a couple, not as parents, bills, work, but us. Doesnt need to be expensive lord knows we are all on a budget these days.
We argue but have never battled it out or screamed like some people, we say whats on our mind but are careful how we phrase it. We trust each other and never let in doubt, granted I dont look as I did at 19 but then neither does he. But together we compliment each other and people who meet us say we look and act like a couple still in love and we are. We really like each other, I manage to **** him off but he is no angel himself but at the same token we do respect each other, and do not take each other for granted. We try to do some of the little things we used to do when we courted/dated, because after all, why should it stop just because we are married?
I agree, sometimes I give more, sometimes he does. We both have things we are better at handleing then the other, but when it comes to other things we have to agree, purchases over $200.00 we talk about, the issue relating to our children, household finance.
We know it is tough, but each day we make sure we hug and smooch and have our date night each month, we shoot for 2 nights but ya know it can be hard. Date night is how we focus on us as a couple, not as parents, bills, work, but us. Doesnt need to be expensive lord knows we are all on a budget these days.
We argue but have never battled it out or screamed like some people, we say whats on our mind but are careful how we phrase it. We trust each other and never let in doubt, granted I dont look as I did at 19 but then neither does he. But together we compliment each other and people who meet us say we look and act like a couple still in love and we are. We really like each other, I manage to **** him off but he is no angel himself but at the same token we do respect each other, and do not take each other for granted. We try to do some of the little things we used to do when we courted/dated, because after all, why should it stop just because we are married?
I am very happy in my marriage and feel like I am blessed to be in such a stable relationship. Last night I went to a neighborhood party in my former neighborhood and I have not been that happy to get back to my home in a long time. The night was filled with conversations about this couple breaking up, that guy having an affair with the neighbor, this couple had a physical altercation and the police came...and I didn't even call Jerry Springer!
All of these things left me sad but grateful at the same time! Maybe I should have a reality tv show about it!
I am very happy in my relationship with my boyfriend too. We are soon to be engaged in a couple of months and the wedding will soon be followed earlier next year.
I think for a relationship to work, two people really need to be on the same page in terms of future goal, commitment, financial strategy and family value. Dating is easy when you just want to have someone to be around and have fun with, in a city like NY it's so easy just to "hook up". But we both came from the background where we are a bit "snobbish" (for a lack of better word) when it comes to spending our time with people. Personally I HATE people messing around with just whoever out of boredom or out of the fear of being alone. I am fairly independent, I am not afraid of being alone or being single but I chose to be with him for he's worthy of my time and my love, which should be the attitude to be in a relationship, it's a partnership, and it should be built on mutual understanding, mutual admiration/attraction and mutual goal.
And having your partner as your best friend is also, imo, such an important element for a successful relationship. You can only go so far with sexual attraction but without the intellectual stimulation and connection most people grow out of it once the infatuation wears off.
Relationships need work and communication to keep progressing so two people have to have enough emotional maturity and tactful sense to build a grownup partnership. I am extremely lucky and happy that we managed to meet each other and it has been working beautifully between us. We talked about it when we just got together that it's not going to be any random relationship, it's not going to exist only because, unlike some people, for a relationship's sake. It's not going to be taken for granted. Either we commit fully or we don't easily throw ourselves into something that we treat casually or lightly.
Been married for 17 years, together for 18. Not all have been rosey but he is a keeper. He has a wicked sense of humor, very smart, handsome and sexy, confident but not cocky, caring, and a good friend. We got married pretty young and too soon (right around a year of being together) but we worked it out. The finances were the toughest.
He has been with me for some very trying times between my mother's long illness and subsequent death, to my recent illness and potentially scary diagnosis. I know when I look at him I can trust him with anything. I also know I *may* need some extra care in the future due to my health issues and that doesn't freak him out. Several years ago we had to put my mom in a nursing home and it was hard. He told me that if I ever needed to be in one, he was also moving in as he wouldn't leave me alone.
I lucked out and I think he feels the same. We get along great. I love him dearly. In fact, the other day, I was coming home from an errand and saw his work van pull into our driveway and got butterflies. After 18 years, that isn't too bad!
I can't even begin to adequately describe how lucky I am to have married the coolest, nicest guy ever. Before I met him, I didn't even know what I wanted - I didn't even know guys like him existed. He is - hands down - my favorite person ever. He's not perfect but God knows I'm not either - but his idiosyncrasies are relatively minor. I'm very happy with him
Insanely happy. We spoil each other, we have a lot of common interests (run, lift weights, play golf , travel, read, eat out, play video games, shoot pool, watch football). We support each other. We are _always_ laughing and joking. The number one rule is to never, never stop being polite and thoughtful. No matter what.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
