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Actually, I don't think that any nice man or woman ever wants to be in the position of saying to a potential suitor that even though everything seems fine on the surface, they just don't have that romantic vibe for the other person. And that's why some people these days when ending a relationship, take the cowardly way out by texting the goodbye from a distance. In the old days, it was a "Dear John" letter.
Of course not! Who's dying to have direct confrontation...? There are chapters in books and millions of threads all over the Web dedicated to "why didn't he call?" Well, because it's whole lot easier to just not deal with it!
I agree. I've noticed how people including gays and straight folks will have looking for relationship or long term dating on their facebook, myspace, or other online dating site....and then when you talk to them they are usually part of the one-night stand selfish greedy brain dead crowd you desperately want to avoid like the black plague .......it is pretty annoying...
Says the guy posting in the Fashion and Beauty forum asking about the best black eyeliner to buy!! BTW did you ever get around to dyeing your black hair with black hair dye? One of the bus boys at work is a brunette and just dyed his hair black. It looks awful... and I also thought of you and your hair dye thread.
Says the guy posting in the Fashion and Beauty forum asking about the best black eyeliner to buy!! BTW did you ever get around to dyeing your black hair with black hair dye? One of the bus boys at work is a brunette and just dyed his hair black. It looks awful... and I also thought of you and your hair dye thread.
Do you really find these responses that confusing? Just search for an old thread in here, the O.P. was a guy complaining about how he'll ask a woman out but she's always too busy to set up a date with him. So he wonders why she doesn't come right out and say no, she's not at all interested in dating him. Women don't like direct confrontations and they don't like hurting someone's feelings. In the case of you asking a woman to dance, it's easier for her just to say no than to try you out for a dance and then to walk away from you. Past experiences are what makes women do this.
Actually, I don't think that any nice man or woman ever wants to be in the position of saying to a potential suitor that even though everything seems fine on the surface, they just don't have that romantic vibe for the other person. And that's why some people these days when ending a relationship, take the cowardly way out by texting the goodbye from a distance. In the old days, it was a "Dear John" letter.
The responses are not confusing at all. What I saw, was a totally different approach to handling a situation. Or, at least a different mind set.
Your response was to let the guy "save face". You showed concern about the other persons feeling even though the other person was a total stranger.
The other response was more blunt and callous. That person did not care what the individual felt.
And my point, was just an observation of the differences.
Interesting difference in the approach and perspecitve:
One person says:
But I was also thinking of the way that my sisters and I were when we were young. And I feel that a lot of young women would have difficulty in telling a guy that one dance was enough...
The other says:
..simply walk away and say thanks very much...right after the dance, if your not interested. Don't worry about what he says to the guys.
hmmm.....
well, I'm not a game player, never was...very open and up front, can't help it, got that from my mom, and I think a lot of people in here could tell you, I do care...I'm not intentionally being mean, but if someone asked me to dance, that I didn't know, I'd say, yes, a dance would be nice...What can I say...? Not everyone thinks and feels the same...and by the way, I don't like to hurt the feelings of others either. I think your way to sensitive about this stuff....my gosh, if I worried about what people thought about me, or about making a mistake, or making a fool of myself....I'd be a nervous wreck.
I'm not callous either. It's just simply how you took it...you took offense right away...and only think I'm callous...but I'm not really, which proves my point. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings...but you took it that way...and I think, no matter what any of us would say, if we'd say no, thank you, don't feel like dancing...you'd take offense anyway, no matter what. I think with you, personally, it's more about beings said no to? And any human being has the right to what makes them happy, if they want to dance or not, and it has nothing, but nothing to do with you personally, but you took it personally? Why?
When I said, no thanks, or thanks so much for the dance and walked away...I didn't think one way or the other, I just had a great time dancing with that person, and wasn't looking to meet anyone or least of all a one night stand, and I never danced a slow dance with anyone, so as not to lead someone on into thinking I was interested. Perhaps I was wrong, but that is the way I handled it to avoid confrontations, being grapped. Listen, when your out there in a bar...people are drinking, they are not usually like they are normally, so a woman has to be cautious as well...remember, I used to go out a lot, made friends, both guys and girls, and we all hung around together and that's just the way it was.
People are always going to judge....not always because they love gossip, but b/c it goes against their knowledge of who they are...
but it's not about what the women say, is it. It's about you...and if I were you, I wouldn't take it so gosh darned personal...life is way to short, go out there and live, and as I said, if one says no, no biggy, go on to the next and the next...the problem is, your way to concerned about what others think, which is stagnating and eliminates your options...your hurting you, and having some great experiences by being so fearful of rejection. Rejection is being married to someone and having them cheat on you....it is not when a girl says no to a stranger, because she simply may be waiting for someone else she has her eye on to ask her...or she may not be in the mood, or simply put...the wrong place at the wrong time...it is no big deal? We are our own worst enemies...honestly
Last edited by cremebrulee; 08-21-2008 at 08:48 AM..
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Well, because it's whole lot easier to just not deal with it!
