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Even when I was young, I found "bad boys" annoying and juvenile. It's all a bunch of ridiculous posturing and not attractive in any way. I can't believe they're not embarrassed.
So all girls are not attracted to "bad boys." In fact, most women I know aren't. We're not stupid...we can see right through their ridiculousness.
So true. And what a 20 yr old finds hot and wild is NOT necessarily the same ten years later, most women (even attractive women) are not stupid, give us some credit for intelligence.
As for bad boys, that gets old real fast. As does the rock star creative thing that hopefully dies out when they turn 30-lol.
The difference is that the guy going after the bad girl knows that she's not the kind he'd want to marry. He'll have his fun with her and move on. But the girl who goes after the bad boy too often convinces herself that she'll be able to keep him, maybe even change him, but fails...
Many gals -- especially those in their teens and 20's -- will have relationships with "bad boys" because it's fun and they know that they aren't going to settle down with them in the end.
What is wrong with a regular guy that would treat you properly?
Most "nice guys" come off as being very predictable and safe... like being with a surrogate male family member. Without that sense of unpredictability and excitement, there is no inspiration for feelings of romance. Part of what's wonderful about a having a successful romance is that it wasn't a sure thing to begin with, that what you have is special, rare, and magical.
Most "nice guys" come off as being very predictable and safe... like being with a surrogate male family member. Without that sense of unpredictability and excitement, there is no inspiration for feelings of romance. Part of what's wonderful about a having a successful romance is that it wasn't a sure thing to begin with, that what you have is special, rare, and magical.
I don't agree with that. Being stable and predictable does not mean your boring. Normal, everyday life is predictable but it is necessary in order to do those other mundane things we need to do, like: pay the mortgage, car note, other assorted bills, and lets not forget raising children. Once kids are involved your excitement is, or should be, secondary to their well being.
Smart, successful couples find ways of keeping the excitement alive without sacrificing the entire relationship. It takes communication and commitment but it is possible.
That "bad" aspect of the bad boy is exciting and dangerous but is contrary to normal everyday living. The guy that was riding the motorbike, or had the expensive car, the cool cloths and all of the women is going to be reticent to say home folding cloths, changing diapers and doing the laundry. He is going to want to go out and pursue his next conquest while your at home tending to the chores - which is where the conflict usually, but not always, starts.
That is were a lot of those "change the bad boy" relationships fail.
Good guys, and I'm one of them, are amazed at how many women repeat the same cycle of dating the wrong guys - I'm thinking about the Denise Richard show at the moment. In a way they can't help it and are at conflict within themselves: part of them wanting Richie Cunningham and part of them wanting Fonzie.
Many gals -- especially those in their teens and 20's -- will have relationships with "bad boys" because it's fun and they know that they aren't going to settle down with them in the end.
And they had just better hope the the "rabbit does not die". Cause next thing they know, what they thought was fun turns into a nightmare trying to raise the results of a fun night, with the fun guy.
I don't agree with that. Being stable and predictable does not mean your boring. Normal, everyday life is predictable but it is necessary in order to do those other mundane things we need to do, like: pay the mortgage, car note, other assorted bills, and lets not forget raising children. Once kids are involved your excitement is, or should be, secondary to their well being.
Smart, successful couples find ways of keeping the excitement alive without sacrificing the entire relationship. It takes communication and commitment but it is possible.
But aren't we talking about the sparks that begin every relationship? Yes, daily life is mundane. And the appeal of a bad boy or girl is that they break the monotony of our mundane lives.
And if there is no excitement at the beginning of the relationship, there will be no relationship. A regular nice guy needs to learn how to introduce some excitement and special energy into the way he flirts with women in order to succeed and win the girl.
But aren't we talking about the sparks that begin every relationship? Yes, daily life is mundane. And the appeal of a bad boy or girl is that they break the monotony of our mundane lives.
And if there is no excitement at the beginning of the relationship, there will be no relationship. A regular nice guy needs to learn how to introduce some excitement and special energy into the way he flirts with women in order to succeed and win the girl.
I agree that, in the beginning, relationships are exciting, else why would we bother. Believe me, I'm my friend bounce off of the walls she is so excited today. The issue is what happens tomorrow.
I am talking about is the ability to sustain that excitement over time. Does that mean that the only way for a relationship to be successful is for their the some sense of risk or danger? Or, is there more to it than that. My parents were married over 40 year and was a "death do us part" type of marriage. My aunt and uncle were married over 50 years. You can't keep up the facade of danger and risk that long.
So there has to be more to the relationship than that. Or, maybe its a different kind of excitement. One that stems from the bonds shared by the couple, who against all odds, want to stay together and make it work. Seems to me that is the greatest challenge of all. Any takers?
There are some folks, men and women, who excel at what I call the "opening game". Yes, I borrowed that term from the world of chess, because I see relationships often follow the same course as a high-level chess game.
You have your opening moves - establishing your position, determining how your "opponent" reacts, getting a feel for the game. In relationships, I liken this to "wowing" your potential mates, whether through physical traits, intelligence, the use of comedy, personality, etc.
The middle game - with your positions established and with an idea of how your "opponent" moves, you begin to plan for the end game. You offer up a few sacrifices when necessary in order to ensure a strong finish. In relationships, this could be the "courting" or dating phase - learning more about each other, seeing if all the hills and valleys match up.
The end game - in chess, it's capturing the King. For women, it could be the same goal. For men, of a marriage mind anyway, it's capturing the Queen.
Now, just as there are chess players who have a strong end game (they can finish the game victorious), there are those who rely solely upon a strong opening. To me, this parallels quite well with "good boys" and "bad boys".
If you KNOW you're a strong opening-move type, you play to your strengths. Likewise for middle- and end-gamers. So in a sense, the "bad boys" are strong in the opening phases but weak in later development; the middle- and end-gamers have their respective strengths and weaknesses, but will probably be considered "good" boys.
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