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Old 08-13-2008, 06:16 PM
 
10 posts, read 88,958 times
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Im a 22 year old young man with a 1 year old daughter. Im at the point were im thinking of marrying for the reasons of.. Keeping the family together, raising my daughter with both parents and breaking the single parent cycle, being faithful and committed to one lady...

Marriage is a bit of a thought..please advise me of the pros and cons of being married
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Old 08-13-2008, 06:39 PM
 
2,652 posts, read 8,162,320 times
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Honestly I don't think the pro's and con's of marriage will do your situation justiice.

There are many pro's, and there are some con's. You will weigh them both when you find someone you love, respect and care about enough to consider marriage. Marrying somebody for only the reasons you listed probably would not be good.

If you aren't compatible with the person, you won't stay together. That would just create a bad environment for the child involved.

It's better to be from a broken home than to be in one...
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Old 08-13-2008, 06:54 PM
 
112 posts, read 544,427 times
Reputation: 120
Default ...

Contrary to what you seem to believe it is NOT all about you.

It is about your daughter. Who had no say in her current situation.

Do the right thing. Now. To sit around, hem and haw, ponder your navel, decided what would make YOU happy... is self-absorbed beyond all sanity.

As the Hulk told his snivelling, jailed kid: "Man up."
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Old 08-13-2008, 07:10 PM
 
3,142 posts, read 4,827,876 times
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I applaud you for thinking about this - best I can say is you need to follow your heart. I waited until I was in my late 20's to get married. Waited another few years to have a child. Unfortunately, things didn't work out and we divorced. Looking back, the signs were there (before we married) but I ignored them.

I regret the hurt I have caused to my child. My child has all of me but has an absent father who sees him 3-5 times a year. I know he feels abandoned by his father and I hate that he has to deal with a sometimes 'overwhelmed' single mom.

I hope you will be a huge part of your daughters life. I hope you make the right decision for you and for your daughter. I hope that you do your best to maintain a relationship with your daughters mom for your daughters sake. Best of luck.
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Old 08-13-2008, 07:10 PM
 
355 posts, read 1,321,396 times
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Let me tell you from experience, just because two parents are married doesnt mean the child grows up in a great home. My parents have been married 25 years and there is no love between them, they just agree that they will be together for the rest of their lives. I would much rather have a split set of parents if all involved were happy.

You need to aim to be the best father you can be, and being married to the mother of your child doesnt automatically make you a good dad. If the mother of your daughter is the one lady you cant imagine being without, then marry her. If youre ONLY reason for marrying her is prevent a broken home, the cons of the marriage far outweigh the pros. Your daughter will eventually grow up and grow to understand that her parents deserve to be happy. Be there for her first day of kindergarden, prom, graduation, first boyfriend, first job, first apartment, teach her to drive, tell her anything is possible. My parents are together and I was alone for all the major milestones in my life. I wish they would have been there for me, married or not. Thats whats important.
Also, down the road you may find someone you truly cannot live without. For now, dont focus on being a "single parent" just focus on being a parent.
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Old 08-13-2008, 07:19 PM
 
10 posts, read 88,958 times
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shoghi, YOU SAY "MAN UP" MEANING WHAT? MARRY? IF SO, THATS NOT "MANNING UP" IF ITS SOMETHING IM UNSURE ABOUT...AND IM WITH YOU 100% AS FAR AS IT NOT BEING ABOUT ME..HONESTLY THATS PROBABLY THE MAIN REASON IM CONSIDERING THIS. FOR MY DAUGHTER TO HAVE A BOTH PARENTS AND A HAPPY HOME..BUT THEN AGAIN. MARRYING FOR THIS REASON MAY NOT BE THE CORRECT REASON.. I AGREE WITH Luke9686'S STATEMENT THAT: It's better to be from a broken home than to be in one...
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Old 08-13-2008, 07:35 PM
 
Location: Maryland not Murlin
8,323 posts, read 23,800,290 times
Reputation: 6432
Quote:
Originally Posted by keeppushing View Post
Im at the point were im thinking of marrying for the reasons of.. Keeping the family together, raising my daughter with both parents and breaking the single parent cycle, being faithful and committed to one lady...
You can accomplish all of this without getting married. By the way, shouldn't one of the reasons be that you are in love with the mother?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Luke9686 View Post
There are many pro's, and there are some con's.
You can also say that there are some pros and many cons as well.
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Old 08-13-2008, 08:10 PM
 
14,743 posts, read 31,175,686 times
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Pros:
Companionship
Someone to grow old with
Financial (if it stays together)

Cons:
Possibility that you can grow apart
Possibility that your spouse will change more than you ever bargained for (+ 75 lbs and no health problems)
Financial (if it falls apart)
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Old 08-13-2008, 08:23 PM
 
Location: Hot Springs, AR
5,612 posts, read 14,308,654 times
Reputation: 3768
I would never marry someone just because I had a child with that person. The parent-child relaltionship and spousal relationship are two different things. It would be devasating for the child to grow up in a home where his/her parents are constantly fighting. even worse for a child grow up with a sense of security of having his/her parents divorce and take away that sense of security.

My advice would be to only marry if you cannot imagine your life without the person you want to marry. If you don't think of the person you want to marry as your best friend, I wouldn't recommend it.
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Old 08-13-2008, 09:06 PM
 
Location: Lansing, MI
2,948 posts, read 6,607,471 times
Reputation: 3264
If you are not considering marriage because you absolutely, genuine are head over heals in love with your partner, DO NOT GET MARRIED!

You will otherwise feel trapped, which will snowball in to bigger problems. I would much rather have a child grow up in a how that both adults loved and cared about each other than in a home of marriage because they ended up with a child.

Pro... financial, shared home / shared house work, parenting duties, someone to come home to

Cons... trapped if/when you realize it was a BAD idea!
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