I Think She's Up to Something (personality, money, never, problems)
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I'd toss the computer in the dumpster. She obviously cannot be trusted with it. Bummer deal. Had it been an innocent thing I would think she'd sit and talk it out...not turn on you like a wildcat and try to dig up stuff on you. At this point I would be seriously considering finding her...another place to live.
Hey Rance, isn't it funny, well, I don't literally mean funny, but how those of us have been cheated on, can spot it, not to mention, we're, shall we say, "seasoned" and would never ever, never put up with it again.
Well always try to keep in mind the mountains of such things that have happened to me here which have contributed to my 'lashing back'...
Do you think your attitude to the place she comes from has anything to do with the break down of your marriage? Of course I'm not saying that constant negativity is a free pass to cheat by any means, but I can see how it would be exhausting for the other person to have to live with and could contribute towards marital breakdown.
I'm sorry you are going through this, but I would start looking within to see if there is anything you have been doing that could have been driving her away.
I do hope that you discover that this is all innocent and that she hasn't gone as far as to actually cheat, meaning you can salvage the relationship if you want to and if you BOTH make an effort.
Do you think your attitude to the place she comes from has anything to do with the break down of your marriage? Of course I'm not saying that constant negativity is a free pass to cheat by any means, but I can see how it would be exhausting for the other person to have to live with and could contribute towards marital breakdown.
I'm sorry you are going through this, but I would start looking within to see if there is anything you have been doing that could have been driving her away.
Why does everything gotta be me? Look,I'm the most introspective person I know,even to the point of much self-consciousness and self-deprocation. I've been told I'm harder on myself than anyone,and I'm aware of what I'm doing at all times.
Sure I regret moving here,but she knew that from early on. Perhaps she thought it was an exaggeration of some sort,but perhaps it's finally sinking in.
Aside from all that though,she's supposed to be a 'tough city woman. She should by all means have the guts to end things if she can't stand the way things are,not half-a** it the way so many do in relationships by messing around on the side hoping no one finds out. She herself preached that to me in the beginning due to what her ex did to her. I find it ironic she would do the very thing she's so opposed to.
Why does everything gotta be me? Look,I'm the most introspective person I know,even to the point of much self-consciousness and self-deprocation. I've been told I'm harder on myself than anyone,and I'm aware of what I'm doing at all times.
Sure I regret moving here,but she knew that from early on. Perhaps she thought it was an exaggeration of some sort,but perhaps it's finally sinking in.
.
I'm not saying it's all you by any stretch, but do you say the same things to her about where you live as you do on here? If so, then that would get old REAL quick. Especially if it's your SO talking about your home. That would be a total turn off for me. I also wonder how much you general attitude has suffered due to your utter misery about where you live? I mean, we joke about the 'joybell club', but really it's tiring to be with someone who is super negative all the time - introspective or not.
Maybe if you try having a more positive attitude to life, your relationship in general might improve? From what I read, you don't know for sure that she has actually cheated yet - is that right? Do you want to save your marriage, or do you feel that it is over? If it's over, then I guess you just need to think of yourself at this point, and do whatever necessary to give yourself a happier more positive outlook. If that means moving, then go for it! If you want the marriage to survive, then I think looking at the above comments would be a good idea. Would you like it if you both moved to a location that you loved, but now your wife does nothing but say how awful it is, make up terrible names for it and generally blame everything awful about life on that place? My guess is you would probably find it hard and tiresom.
Anyway, I'm just throwing an idea out there. If she HAS cheated, then it's not your fault - I agree with you, if she is tired of you then she should end your relationship before starting another. There is no excuse for cheating in my book.
I'm not saying it's all you by any stretch, but do you say the same things to her about where you live as you do on here? If so, then that would get old REAL quick. Especially if it's your SO talking about your home. That would be a total turn off for me. I also wonder how much you general attitude has suffered due to your utter misery about where you live? I mean, we joke about the 'joybell club', but really it's tiring to be with someone who is super negative all the time - introspective or not.
Maybe if you try having a more positive attitude to life, your relationship in general might improve? Do you want to save your marriage, or do you feel that it is over? If it's over, then I guess you just need to think of yourself at this point, and do whatever necessary to give yourself a happier more positive outlook. If that means moving, then go for it! Would you like it if you both moved to a location that you loved, but now your wife does nothing but say how awful it is, make up terrible names for it and generally blame everything awful about life on that place? My guess is you would probably find it hard and tiresom.
I'm going through what I consider hell right now and for the past few years for many reasons and I can say honestly most of it is attributed to this location. I'd like to know what anyone else would do in my situation(besides move if that's not an option),simply trying to have a 'positive attitude' only lasts so long and then going back to being beaten over the head.
Hell,from what she's told me about her ex I'd think I was a walk in the park!
But I can see how living here had beaten him down also,that seems to be a common observation here and I'm doing everything I can to make sure I don't become another casualty of this place. My family and friends have already started to notice some changes.
I'm going through what I consider hell right now and for the past few years for many reasons and I can say honestly most of it is attributed to this location. I'd like to know what anyone else would do in my situation(besides move if that's not an option),simply trying to have a 'positive attitude' only lasts so long and then going back to being beaten over the head.
Hell,from what she's told me about her ex I'd think I was a walk in the park!
But I can see how living here had beaten him down also,that seems to be a common observation here and I'm doing everything I can to make sure I don't become another casualty of this place. My family and friends have already started to notice some changes.
Okey dokey then. It IS all Philly's fault. Nothing to do with you at all. It's a wonder how ANYONE survives or thrives here at all.
All right, I was trying to give you another way to look at things, but seems you have it figured out.
Sorry you are going through hell and I do wish you luck.
Okey dokey then. It IS all Philly's fault. Nothing to do with you at all. It's a wonder how ANYONE survives or thrives here at all.
All right, I was trying to give you another way to look at things, but seems you have it figured out.
People may survive and thrive here but not all on the same level. This place is just not for me,that's the bottom line.
I do appreciate the advice though.
...I'd like to know what anyone else would do in my situation(besides move if that's not an option),simply trying to have a 'positive attitude' only lasts so long and then going back to being beaten over the head.
Personally, I have a future escape date (moving is not an option for me either at this time). It might not happen, since we really can't predict the future all too well, but it serves as a lifeline for my sanity. It buys me a few years of hope, even if it's a hopeless situation.
Another alternative is to be like Philly's favorite son - Rocky. Just tilt your head down, take the hits and keep grunting "Is THAT all you got?!?" I find that pain is often an excellent distraction from one's immediate problems, and this can serve as a sort of game to get through the day. Also, strangely enough, it might toughen you up in ways you never imagined.
Can you afford the time and money to get away for a while - even a weekend - somewhere far, far away from the madding crowds? Helps to reorganize and re-energize.
A new interest...a new career, for example...can be scary as all get-out. Is there something you've always wanted to do but rationalized away? DO IT. Maybe it's what you need...
Personally, I have a future escape date (moving is not an option for me either at this time). It might not happen, since we really can't predict the future all too well, but it serves as a lifeline for my sanity. It buys me a few years of hope, even if it's a hopeless situation.
Another alternative is to be like Philly's favorite son - Rocky. Just tilt your head down, take the hits and keep grunting "Is THAT all you got?!?" I find that pain is often an excellent distraction from one's immediate problems, and this can serve as a sort of game to get through the day. Also, strangely enough, it might toughen you up in ways you never imagined.
Can you afford the time and money to get away for a while - even a weekend - somewhere far, far away from the madding crowds? Helps to reorganize and re-energize.
A new interest...a new career, for example...can be scary as all get-out. Is there something you've always wanted to do but rationalized away? DO IT. Maybe it's what you need...
Currently that is what I'm focused on is a new career,heck even a new job will do for now. As far as the money to get away,right now I can't even afford that like I used to. My car is getting so old now I don't trust it to drive an hour away much less out of state like I used to.
As far as the Rocky thing,I was already 'pre-beaten' when I arrived here and being here pretty much just compounded the problems I already had.
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