Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I've been clingy but have never wanted my friends to not have other friends...the more friendly people and friends around the better; however, I don't seem to be very valuable in the "friend market" sniff sniff
Tough situation to be in. Especially being that she has a depression issue. Do you guys have mutual friends? Doe she have any friends at all?
I think a visit would be great and during the visit, I'd encourage her to seek professional counseling. When you have a clingy person like that in your life..especially one that suffers from depression, you dnt want to be responsible to be the crutch, if you will, for her. Its not healthy for you nor her.
I answer my phone at 4 in the morning, sometimes miss class just to be there if she needs to talk. I don't want to lose her as a friend, she means too much to me, but I don't know what to do. Her being so clingy and jealous is starting to push me away and i don't want it to come to that. Please help!
Good grief... In the ol' pre-cell phones and pre-IM days this drama wasn't even gonna be possible. You're not a puppy on a leash 24/7. However you choose to do it, you have to reclaim your life.
TrishP7 in regards to your questions: We used to have a lot of mutual friends in middle school. After she moved, slowly over the years she lost touch with most of them, to be honest I'm not even sure if she talks to any of them anymore. I stayed in touch with her because she's my best friend and I didn't want to lose that because some miles were in the way. She does have other friends, people she met in school up there, and a guy she used to date, plus her current boyfriend.
I have tried talking to her about it actually, about a year ago. She acts like she understands and she gives me some space for about 2 weeks, and then it just goes right back to the same old thing. I've brought it up a few other times as well, but when I do she starts getting down and saying how she just wishes she was worth more to me and that I should want to be there, and acts like I'm never there for her...which in return hurts me and pushes me further away. I don't want that, because I do care for her, I just I can't be there all the time like that, so I'm torn, cause I want to be there, but sometimes I can't be.
The weird thing about the whole situation is when she wants to go out or she has to work or whatever, I'm supposed to understand that (which I do and don't have a problem with...I actually encourage her to go out and do something with other people, hoping it might help cheer her up or something), but if I do the same thing she gets clingy and jealous and doesn't want me to, she wants me there to talk to her when she's ready to talk. Don't get me wrong, if I need her, she's there for me as well, and I can talk to her about anything and I would trust her with my life, its just I don't understand why she's so jealous and so clingy of me doing anything that doesn't involve her.
thanks for all your suggestions up to this point, I'm going to try talking to her again about it and if that doesn't work, i will have to set some boundaries like someone suggested or something. If you have any other ideas that might, please do let me know, I will keep checking this!
Maybe the 2 weeks of space is too much or too intense for her, maybe give her some phone calls during that time to make her feel ok. Find the middle ground in the situation and set boundaries and be as sympathetic as possible.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mezinsane
TrishP7 in regards to your questions: We used to have a lot of mutual friends in middle school. After she moved, slowly over the years she lost touch with most of them, to be honest I'm not even sure if she talks to any of them anymore. I stayed in touch with her because she's my best friend and I didn't want to lose that because some miles were in the way. She does have other friends, people she met in school up there, and a guy she used to date, plus her current boyfriend.
I have tried talking to her about it actually, about a year ago. She acts like she understands and she gives me some space for about 2 weeks, and then it just goes right back to the same old thing. I've brought it up a few other times as well, but when I do she starts getting down and saying how she just wishes she was worth more to me and that I should want to be there, and acts like I'm never there for her...which in return hurts me and pushes me further away. I don't want that, because I do care for her, I just I can't be there all the time like that, so I'm torn, cause I want to be there, but sometimes I can't be.
The weird thing about the whole situation is when she wants to go out or she has to work or whatever, I'm supposed to understand that (which I do and don't have a problem with...I actually encourage her to go out and do something with other people, hoping it might help cheer her up or something), but if I do the same thing she gets clingy and jealous and doesn't want me to, she wants me there to talk to her when she's ready to talk. Don't get me wrong, if I need her, she's there for me as well, and I can talk to her about anything and I would trust her with my life, its just I don't understand why she's so jealous and so clingy of me doing anything that doesn't involve her.
thanks for all your suggestions up to this point, I'm going to try talking to her again about it and if that doesn't work, i will have to set some boundaries like someone suggested or something. If you have any other ideas that might, please do let me know, I will keep checking this!
Freebird2007-I don't want her to avoid me at all. I just, I don't want to feel like, and I don't want her to feel like I'm hurting her or letting her down or ditching her if I go out with other friends for a few hours.
Artsy- Maybe so, I mean I do call her in that 2 weeks or send her some texts/emails, just to let her know I am thinking about her and I do care, but maybe a few more in that time frame would help some, I'll try it and see what happens!
Good idea and don't tell her you are hanging out with other friends it might sound like bragging to her and hurt her. So don't bring that up no more.
I had a roommate that would always brag about all the many friends he had and it was so irritating. It made me feel inferior and like I was doing something wrong.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mezinsane
Freebird2007-I don't want her to avoid me at all. I just, I don't want to feel like, and I don't want her to feel like I'm hurting her or letting her down or ditching her if I go out with other friends for a few hours.
Artsy- Maybe so, I mean I do call her in that 2 weeks or send her some texts/emails, just to let her know I am thinking about her and I do care, but maybe a few more in that time frame would help some, I'll try it and see what happens!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
