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you know what...eerie that you say that. you remind me of my ex. he was my best friend. great guy. i still care about him. but i was his first too. he was very emotional with me. everything felt like the end of the world for him, if we fought. and everytime we did fight, it was a very dramatic event. punching walls, crying, screaming...we were kids, yes, but i think it was because i was the first girl he ever truly loved. i wasn't sure he was my forever, but i got married to him anyways because i thought it would be best to end up with a "nice guy" for once. his personality made me very codependent. i found myself always doing things to make him confident. trying to boost his esteem. spending time with him when i would have rather been doing something else LIKE hang out with friends. you know what happened? after 7 yrs (including dating and marriage) we split up. i was so suffocated by him that i couldn't deal with it anymore! i wanted to be so much more and he was holding me back by constantly NEEDING so much. i was always walking on eggshells with what i said or did because i was scared it would cause a nervous breakdown! when we separated, i was constantly getting the phone calls. suicide threats, the whole bit. i had to end up being really cold to him after awhile.
my point is, this is what can happen to you if you don't work on your behavior. you weren't being just a "jerk" in your words. you were being dependent on her...you were being unhealthy. its okay to have that with your first love. it happens that way sometimes. just don't let it carry on. he thanks me now when i do hear from him. we'll always share something, but we both know that what we had wasn't healthy.
Do you think we still have a chance? I know many relationships don't get back together, but I also know of many that do. The dependence on her is unhealthy for me...can't have that anymore.
It is very obvious she still loves me. She cries on the phone when talking to me. But I think she is pleading for me to change, or else this will truly be the end.
Do you think we still have a chance? I know many relationships don't get back together, but I also know of many that do. The dependence on her is unhealthy for me...can't have that anymore.
It is very obvious she still loves me. She cries on the phone when talking to me. But I think she is pleading for me to change, or else this will truly be the end.
No you don't. Cut it out. Be a man and move on. By prolonging this, you're just causing misery in her and in you.
Simply say, "I think a break is an excellent idea." And leave it at that. It's really your only hope in the long run. In the short run, you have to just write her off.
Do you think we still have a chance? I know many relationships don't get back together, but I also know of many that do. The dependence on her is unhealthy for me...can't have that anymore.
It is very obvious she still loves me. She cries on the phone when talking to me. But I think she is pleading for me to change, or else this will truly be the end.
She may be crying out of frustration! Let the girl breathe, for goodness' sakes!
Do you think we still have a chance? I know many relationships don't get back together, but I also know of many that do. The dependence on her is unhealthy for me...can't have that anymore.
It is very obvious she still loves me. She cries on the phone when talking to me. But I think she is pleading for me to change, or else this will truly be the end.
by the sounds (?!) of your posts, i think you want brutal honesty, right?? so here goes. yes, she cares about you. she wouldn't have dated you if she didn't. she's crying because she feels sorry that she's hurting you. and she wishes that in a perfect world, you were the way you are with her when you're not acting all weird ALL the time. (does that make sense?) i mean, she wishes those happy times were ALL the time).
but here's where i might sound a bit mean. and i truly don't intend to, but here goes. if you don't let her be happy, truly happy, then you don't love HER, you love the idea of the two of you together. if you truly love someone you want them to be happy even if it means its not with you. you see, i loved my husband. being with him and enabling him the way i was doing - was NOT best for him. not to mention the number it was doing on me. it wasn't right for me to enable him to be unhealthy like that. she loves you too. that's why she's letting you go like this. she is of sound mind enough to know that the combination of the two of you isn't HEALTHY and you would BOTH be better off NOT together. now its time for YOU to recognize this. let her go. i know its going to hurt like a b*tch. but in the end, years from now... do you want her to remember you as that psycho that she's scared of or the really great guy that it just didn't work out with? no aaron, even if she does want you back, don't do it until you fix yourself. and this isn't going to take a few days...its going to take awhile. even when you THINK you're better, give it more time. this relationship shouldn't happen. in my opinion. like i said before. that doesn't mean future relationships are doomed, keep working at it.
At first I was being empathetic. But, man, the desperation just drips out of every syllable. Nobody respects a needy person. Respect yourself, write her off, and learn from how you screwed up. Maybe she'll come back around again, but don't wait around for it. Life is a banquet and you're basically choosing to starve to death.
Look, nobody has the right to judge you because people make mistakes and have personality flaws.
You are not a good match with her. I think you don't trust her love for you and that is why you don't want her to hang out with other people. Maybe she gives off cues or clues that make you feel uneasy, unwanted, or disliked to the point where you have become insecure, anxious, and too needy.
I'm so sorry but find somebody you can trust and give space too, somebody you know in your mind and heart is loyal to you and likes you and will return to you....that is what it boils down too. Try reading at least two relationship self-help books because that could offer different opinions and ways to handle or look for new mates. I'm sorry about the situation, it isn't all your fault, just a rotten circumstance is all. Somebody said you have to fix you, and that is really too strong and harsh of a term. The keys are find better, behave better, and you will get better!
The reason why I am paranoid is because back in November I found out she had been talking to her ex-boyfriend and this guy from work. We had been having problems at the time too and she didn't want to talk about them, instead she started talking to these guys. Ever since then, I have always been on her case about it.
Well, based on what you posted (in the entire post) it sounds like you have some issues that you need to work out before you get together with anybody. In a nutshell, you sound way to dependent and controlling. This is something that is going to repeat itself time and time again (you are a young lad, aren't you?) if you do not take the steps necessary to correct the problem. In the end, it is not going to be healthy for you or anyone you are involved with (including friends/co-workers/family) who have to hear your immature whining over this.
And, I must point out that your behavior, while it does happen from time to time with young people, is the typical starting point for future events, such as stalking. Calling your GF repeatedly and demanding to know where she is, who she is which, and what she is up to is really scary behavior. Especially since she told you that she wanted her space. What is next? Following her?
I get the feeling that since you only hang out with her that she eventually felt smothered by you (among other things) and for what ever reason she had for not having/hanging out with her friends in the beginning is, quite frankly, none of your darn business. And now that she does have friends and you are feeling jealous; why? Yes, it does suck when you don't feel special to that special someone anymore, but that is life. Grow up.
Quote:
Originally Posted by AaronK
Now it seems like things might be too late. We're on a 'break' right now but she doesn't know if she wants to get back together. To make things worse for both of us, I have been crying and pestering her and making her even angrier by bugging her. We work together and it is hard to even look at her without breaking down in tears.
Yes, it is too late for this relationship. Sorry to say this, but the truth is that the more you bug her the only thing that you are accomplishing is driving another nail deeper into the coffin. That and being the butt of gossip around the water cooler at work. All of your actions, while you may feel valid, are only going to hurt you further as you are more then likely going to be viewed as an immature jerk (to potential new girlfriends). It'll suck for awhile, but you'll work past it, hopefully.
By the way, this is all another good reason as to why NOBODY should date co-workers, and why many companies have policies against it. One of you is going to quit (hopefully her) or get fired (probably you).
Quote:
Originally Posted by AaronK
What should I do? Should I give her the space she wants? How long should I wait until I approach her again about starting off our relationship?
Why would you even question this? For the love of everything Holy, give her her much needed and wanted space. Do not call her. Do not talk to her, unless it is absolutely necessary for work related purposes. Basically, leave her the hell alone. A year from now, preferably when you run into by accident, tell her that you are sorry for how you treated her, for your actions, then leave her alone and go about your life.
Guess that I should have read the entire thread before commenting on your initial post, so my comments about you being a potential stalker will be put on hold. You are young, and I think that it is safe to say that the majority of people have been in a similar situation their first go at a relationship (on one side of dependance fence or the other). Just keep in mind that if one person wants out of the relationship for any reason, then there is nothing that you can do about it. This is one lesson that you will learn time and time again, to be blunt. There is nothing that you can do about it except to go on with your own life. At least you realize that you are acting like a creep. I hope for your sake, and for those who will eventually date you in the future, that you do overcome the issues with dependence. If you don't, like I said in my previous response, then this is going to be a theme that repeats itself with you. Good luck.
Why is it wrong to ask who she is hanging out with and where she is at? Maybe he is curious. This isn't a witch hunt.
I agree that giving somebody space and allowing somebody their individuality and freedom is a must; however, asking questions is harmless. I tend to ask questions and probe at times because I am curious.
Quote:
Originally Posted by K-Luv
Well, based on what you posted (in the entire post) it sounds like you have some issues that you need to work out before you get together with anybody. In a nutshell, you sound way to dependent and controlling. This is something that is going to repeat itself time and time again (you are a young lad, aren't you?) if you do not take the steps necessary to correct the problem. In the end, it is not going to be healthy for you or anyone you are involved with (including friends/co-workers/family) who have to hear your immature whining over this.
And, I must point out that your behavior, while it does happen from time to time with young people, is the typical starting point for future events, such as stalking. Calling your GF repeatedly and demanding to know where she is, who she is which, and what she is up to is really scary behavior. Especially since she told you that she wanted her space. What is next? Following her?
Why is it wrong to ask who she is hanging out with and where she is at? Maybe he is curious. This isn't a witch hunt.
I agree that giving somebody space and allowing somebody their individuality and freedom is a must; however, asking questions is harmless. I tend to ask questions and probe at times because I am curious.
By his own admission, he kept calling and calling her when she was out with a friend. Another time, he accused her of stepping out on him. Surely you can see what's wrong with that kind of behavior.
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