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Old 08-30-2008, 01:01 PM
Riv Riv started this thread
 
236 posts, read 563,992 times
Reputation: 70

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I'm desperate to have a wife. Age 57/widowed/from NY.

Isn't it better to admit it than to adapt a fake personality or to "force" yourself not to feel desperate?

I'm 50% of the solution. All I need is a woman who admits she too is desperate to get married and problem solved!

Love and marriage cures desperation.

I think most women are afraid of an honest man. That they want to hear socially accepted lies rather than to have a feeling man who is completely honest with them. No, I can't fake it, I've been rejected, hurt, burnt too much and i can't keep playing the dating game. I fear "investing" my feelings again (after all the hurts) in another MAYBE who turns out to "like" me only as a friend (who pays for dates...........What? Are they crazy?) I need a sure thing; a woman who lets me know from the start that she is interested and if she is desperate then no problem.......

So am I.
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Old 08-30-2008, 01:07 PM
 
4,898 posts, read 17,107,152 times
Reputation: 3832
they say you will find what you are looking for when you stop looking.
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Old 08-30-2008, 01:18 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,269 posts, read 91,629,365 times
Reputation: 39991
Quote:
Originally Posted by Riv View Post
I'm desperate to have a wife. Age 57/widowed/from NY.

Isn't it better to admit it than to adapt a fake personality or to "force" yourself not to feel desperate?

I'm 50% of the solution. All I need is a woman who admits she too is desperate to get married and problem solved!

Love and marriage cures desperation.

I think most women are afraid of an honest man. That they want to hear socially accepted lies rather than to have a feeling man who is completely honest with them. No, I can't fake it, I've been rejected, hurt, burnt too much and i can't keep playing the dating game. I fear "investing" my feelings again (after all the hurts) in another MAYBE who turns out to "like" me only as a friend (who pays for dates...........What? Are they crazy?) I need a sure thing; a woman who lets me know from the start that she is interested and if she is desperate then no problem.......

So am I.

Acting desparate is a sure way to make EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY potential mates turn and run like there is a fire in the complete opposite direction.

You need some individual therapy to get to the bottom of your unhappiness sir. You think finding a woman as desparate as you are is the answer but believe me, it's not. Spend your time and energy focusing on YOU and what YOU need to do to be okay with yourself. When YOU are emotionally healthy and actually have something to offer to a woman besides "desparation" you will attract them like flies. Right now you are scaring them away with all this neediness.

And don't say you don't need help...anyone who thinks marriage is a cure for lonliness and unhappiness is not living in the real world.
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Old 08-30-2008, 01:19 PM
Riv Riv started this thread
 
236 posts, read 563,992 times
Reputation: 70
That's a cliche.

They also say that you have to speak up but that too is just a cliche.
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Old 08-30-2008, 01:20 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,269 posts, read 91,629,365 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Riv View Post
That's a cliche.

They also say that you have to speak up but that too is just a cliche.
What's a cliche?
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Old 08-30-2008, 01:29 PM
Riv Riv started this thread
 
236 posts, read 563,992 times
Reputation: 70
I didn't say or demand an "emotionally healthy wife".

Who of us is really so emotionally healthy these days?

Surely not a lonely person, surely not an HONEST lonely person.

Point#1 is not to make demands on what she has to be but rather to accept the other person as is.

And a GOOD therapist will agree with that one, mountains.

Instead of wasting your energy on giving me the subjective "advice" which is your opinion rather than fact, how about introducing me if you know a lonely woman? You don't know if finding a mate is the answer or not. Believe me, it is the answer but it isn't the answer if one makes his/her mind up to be as cynical and negative about marriage as you seem to be (whether you are or aren't married).
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Old 08-30-2008, 01:30 PM
Riv Riv started this thread
 
236 posts, read 563,992 times
Reputation: 70
Quote:
Originally Posted by findinghope View Post
they say you will find what you are looking for when you stop looking.
This is a cliche.
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Old 08-30-2008, 01:33 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,269 posts, read 91,629,365 times
Reputation: 39991
Quote:
Originally Posted by Riv View Post
I didn't say or demand an "emotionally healthy wife".

Who of us is really so emotionally healthy these days?

Surely not a lonely person, surely not an HONEST lonely person.

Point#1 is not to make demands on what she has to be but rather to accept the other person as is.

And a GOOD therapist will agree with that one, mountains.

Instead of wasting your energy on giving me the subjective "advice" which is your opinion rather than fact, how about introducing me if you know a lonely woman? You don't know if finding a mate is the answer or not. Believe me, it is the answer but it isn't the answer if one makes his/her mind up to be as cynical and negative about marriage as you seem to be (whether you are or aren't married).
Honestly I am trying to help you. What I have told you is of course my opinion, but it is also well grounded IN FACT. Do you want to keep doing things the way you've been doing them and continue to get the same results, OR, you want some REAL advice???
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Old 08-30-2008, 01:36 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,269 posts, read 91,629,365 times
Reputation: 39991
Quote:
Originally Posted by Riv View Post
I didn't say or demand an "emotionally healthy wife".

Who of us is really so emotionally healthy these days?

Surely not a lonely person, surely not an HONEST lonely person.

Point#1 is not to make demands on what she has to be but rather to accept the other person as is.

And a GOOD therapist will agree with that one, mountains.

Instead of wasting your energy on giving me the subjective "advice" which is your opinion rather than fact, how about introducing me if you know a lonely woman? You don't know if finding a mate is the answer or not. Believe me, it is the answer but it isn't the answer if one makes his/her mind up to be as cynical and negative about marriage as you seem to be (whether you are or aren't married).
Oh, and if you don't "demand" an emotionally healthy wife you are just shortchanging yourself and asking for further heartache. I'm not saying you demand anything from a particular woman, just that you demand this by refusing to accept less when choosing who you are going to date. You need some standards or you will end up with some bad news - like a gold digging manipulator.
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Old 08-30-2008, 01:38 PM
Riv Riv started this thread
 
236 posts, read 563,992 times
Reputation: 70
Neither one although I'll answer your advice even though its opinion and not carved into mountains by the divine.

How about asking me if I want a REAL loving relationship if you happen to know a lonely woman?

A friend gives advice. A real friend gives help.
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