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I'm 40, single, no kids but would like some (step is fine), good job, house, no debt, not fat, enjoy sex, and can't find a man who appreciates any of this. I keep falling in love with guys who ultimately break my heart and end up with women I just can't understand why they would want. I was engaged a couple years ago and my fiance left me for a woman who doesn't even like his children, and would rather spend his money than spend time with him. He ended up moving overseas with his job and she chose to stay in AZ so she wouldn't have to quit her status-giving job to be a housewife. I would have never left him. I'm sure he's regretting things, but I guess that's not the point of this thread. Anyway, I'm 40 and would dearly love to meet a guy who makes my toes tingle, and feel like the luckiest girl in the world, but guys in their 30s seem to limit their searches to 39 and under, and the men in their 40s seem to be single for a reason. I'm really starting to believe that all the good ones are taken. It is like looking for a needle in a haystack. Compatibility is tough, there are so many variables and finding someone who can fit in with your lifestyle, at the same time you fit into his seems so hard. My latest BF just told me that he's started seeing someone new. When we broke up a year ago he told me that it was because his future was so uncertain (he's in the Army) and he wanted to be retired from the military before getting into another serious relationship. So a year later he changes his mind? If there wasn't any other reason for breaking up, then why not give me another chance. He was the most compatible person I've ever been with, so this is hurting a lot today. Probably why I'm online venting to strangers. It just hurts and the future isn't looking too bright for marriage and kids at 40.
Actually, those 35 - 50 year olds are quite self sufficient and know they don't need a man to complete them. Younger women often think they need a man to complete them, hence they're less picky than us older ones. They are often attracted to older men because they see them as better able to take care of them. Us older broads are perfectly capable of taking care of ourselves, thank you.
Had my husband and I divorced last year (or if we don't make it and we might not after everything that has happened) I had no intention of dating. It would take a lot more to turn my head at 49 than it did at 29. I'd rather be alone than end up in another bad relationship.
In other words, older women are smarter.
Not always...
Some people are co-dependent their entire lives. Some NEED other people to take care of them - others WANT them to. I've known women in that age range that regularly have panic attacks if they're facing a period of solitude.
As I've said a few thousand times on this site, there are all sorts of people in the world - trying to lump them into neat little categories just doesn't work and is a waste of time and effort.
As I've said a few thousand times on this site, there are all sorts of people in the world - trying to lump them into neat little categories just doesn't work and is a waste of time and effort.
So what do you suggest - shutting down our lil' cute sandbox?!
like artsy said, it's over at 40 and it's way earlier than that if you're gay
but, age is a number. if you relate, you relate. ignore society's mandates and opinions and enjoy the person for who she is and how she makes you feel
The stability a man may have in his 50's is appealing, but physically by sight, he is much more appealing. His kiss and touch are more passionate, sensual, and erotic. Jack Nicholson, Richard Gere, Harrison Ford, and Mel Gibson in my opinion, are the sexiest men alive. Haven't touched or kissed them yet - but I remain positive. I will let you know when I do.
Some people are co-dependent their entire lives. Some NEED other people to take care of them - others WANT them to. I've known women in that age range that regularly have panic attacks if they're facing a period of solitude.
As I've said a few thousand times on this site, there are all sorts of people in the world - trying to lump them into neat little categories just doesn't work and is a waste of time and effort.
Well, those of us who learn from their mistakes are smarter. I'm speaking in general not in absolutes. I know several women who were either widowed or divorced in their 50's and never even looked. Once we've had our kids and learned that we are quite capable of taking care of ourselves, men are an optional accessory. Younger women tend to be more insecure and look for someone who can take care of them.
Nothing is absolute and I didn't mean to imply this is. I do have one friend who is 50 and goes from guy to guy just like she did at 16. She can't see herself as complete without a man. Me, I don't care one way or the other. A good relationship is great but I can be quite happy with me, myself and I. That surprised me when my husband moved out. I felt free. I didn't feel like I need to go find someone to complete me. Unfortunately, he did so whether or not we'll make it is unknown.
If we do end up divorced, I probably won't date. The only way I'd consider remarriage is if I happened to meet someone I just really enjoyed being with but if I don't, that's ok too. I'm fine by myself. In fact, some days I miss feeling free...
"The only way I'd consider remarriage is if I happened to meet someone I just enjoyed being with" Ivorytickler
What's sad about your testimony (and others) is that women in their fifties seem to have lost the ability to simply fall in love with a man.
How sad.
I'm 53 and I can still a love like a teenager I think ; but maybe I'm the one who needs a Therapy ?????????????????????????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????
Well, those of us who learn from their mistakes are smarter. I'm speaking in general not in absolutes. I know several women who were either widowed or divorced in their 50's and never even looked. Once we've had our kids and learned that we are quite capable of taking care of ourselves, men are an optional accessory. Younger women tend to be more insecure and look for someone who can take care of them.
OK - I see what you mean.
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Nothing is absolute and I didn't mean to imply this is.
Sorry - I'm tired and cranky.
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If we do end up divorced, I probably won't date. The only way I'd consider remarriage is if I happened to meet someone I just really enjoyed being with but if I don't, that's ok too. I'm fine by myself. In fact, some days I miss feeling free...
Yep, know the feeling - and enjoying it this moment!
Wow, lots of thoughts in this thread. Some I can agree with and others that I think are simply incorrect.
I'm a divorced woman that is 45 years old. I am not cold... never have been. I am a mother who's kids are grown and only home part time (college).... yet I have a college degree and am very intelligent IMO. I date men around 50... have no desire to date someone younger without the life experience and maturity that I have found over the years. Have no desire to date someone who's going to retire and have the ability/option to travel while I have to continue working... not healthy for a relationship.
I think for 50 year old men, you have many options. There are tons of mid forties women out there looking for a man who's honest, caring, and loyal. As Ivory said, they have enough years behind them that they're not looking for someone to support them (not most anyway), they're not going to play games and pretend your God in the sack if you're not, and they have enough going on in their lives that if they don't find a guy who is what he says he is... they can handle life on their own.
My suggestion pigeon hole - focus on one woman at a time. If you meet a woman in her 40s, expect her to be what she is. A woman of experience, wisdom, maturity, and focus. Don't expect her to have the body of the 25 year old that you once knew or that lives down the street. She probably has attributes that are much more subtle I would imagine.
They're there.... it's just up to you how you go after them.
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